To ensure that you are in a healthy and genuine relationship, you must know the most common enemies of intimacy in a relationship. Once you have an idea about these enemies of intimacy, then both of you will be able to work towards defeating them.
At the beginning of an intimate relationship, new partners strive to give it all they can. They want to love deeply, give from their hearts, and for their partners to express themselves similarly in return. They are very careful to practice those behaviors that keep their lovers close and intimacy strong.
Sadly, as their relationship matures, new behaviors all-too-often erode the love they’ve created. As more time goes by, two people who once felt loved and treasured now feel distant and unsafe to each other — and suddenly, they realize they’re in a relationship without intimacy. And very often they don’t even realize how they’ve gotten that way.
There are six common behaviors that damage loving relationships if they continue. The struggling partners I work with often slip into these destructive patterns without even realizing it. Had they known about them earlier, they could have stopped the damage that resulted and saved the intimacy in their relationship.
Identifying and recognizing these six behaviors is the first step to healing, but it is only the beginning.
It takes commitment and hard work on the part of both partners to stop these enemies of intimacy from undermining their positive feelings towards each other along, with a mutually sacred promise to keep these behaviors at bay in the future.
The following examples illustrate what a partner senses when each of these behaviors happen. (Either partner may be the first to notice them, so I’ve alternated between male and female genders.)
Here Are 6 Most Common Enemies of Intimacy In A Relationship
1. Disconnection: You’re increasingly distant and keep pulling further away.
Remember that man who couldn’t get enough of you? He dropped everything when you needed him and turned his attention to you immediately.
Nothing else took precedence over your desires, no matter how small. He kept a list in his mind of anything that was important to you and made sure it was available even before you remembered yourself.
But over time, things changed. Now, he’s often preoccupied with matters that clearly come before you and the relationship. Yes, you can still get his attention but it takes work, justification, and presenting your needs at “just the right time”.
He tells you that he feels terrible when he forgets an important date, and you are supportive. Yet, those times you don’t feel central to his life anymore are increasing. You don’t want to seem needy, but you’re feeling more and more neglected and sometimes ignored completely.
Where is that guy who put you first no matter what? He tells you that he still loves you, but he’s just not available the way he was. You can’t pretend anymore. He is definitely more disconnected.
2. Dissing: You’re super critical about every little thing your partner does or says.
That amazing, compassionate woman you fell in love with now seems like someone you can’t please anymore. You try to talk to her about things you’re upset about, and she responds by telling you that you’re being too reactive or preaches about what you could have done differently.
When you try to get her in the present, to care and to listen, she flips it and tells you that you’re in the wrong for wanting what you want. It seems that you can’t do anything right anymore.
She finds fault where she used to give support, and then challenges your responses by telling you that you’re being oversensitive.
When you ask for something you need, she tells you that you’re in arrears because you’re not giving her what she needs first.