7. I think that mothers who have healthy maternal instincts would get that and catch themselves.
HM: That is the problem. Most of the women who are perpetrators of mother-son incest are women who are very needy, and they don’t think about anybody else. They don’t pay attention. I think in most cases, they don’t even do it on purpose. They’re just so needy. And they want their kids to hug them and they just need something.
Usually, there’s no partner around. The kid becomes the partner.
8. Could it also be that she too was sexually abused in some way?
HM: It’s possible. I don’t like to make that reference that everybody who was sexually abused ends up sexually abusing even though sometimes it does happen.
9. It’s like a correlation, not causation. People worry that if they were sexually abused, they will abuse their kids.
HM: That’s one of the reasons why a lot of men don’t come forward and don’t talk about it because they’re afraid that if people find out that they were sexually abused, they immediately will be accused of sexually abusing others.
10. You say the five misconceptions about mother-son incest include: mother-son incest means intercourse; boys cannot be victims of sexual abuse; no harm can be done without a penis; motherly love cannot be sexual, and one of the two must be crazy. Do you want to expand on any of those?
HM: When people think about sexual abuse, they immediately think about intercourse, but sex and abuse can be so many other things. And because you don’t hear a lot of cases about a mother and son having intercourse, people think it doesn’t exist. There are a lot of other ways to abuse a child.
11. What about the misconception that boys cannot be victims of sexual abuse?
HM: People think that because men are supposed to love sex, and they are supposed to be strong, that they cannot be a victim of sexual abuse, and a woman cannot sexually abuse a man because she doesn’t have a penis. It’s all combined into misconceptions: Men cannot be abused as boys, and men are supposed to want it. And if the woman is an older woman, it’s great for a kid.
It’s all these ideas that people have in their heads that don’t allow them to actually see what’s going on. And the boys can be very miserable because of that and they don’t even know why they are miserable, and if they did, they don’t know who to talk to about it. Then we have the misconception that motherly love cannot be sexual. Who can even fathom that mothers can do anything like that? It must not exist.
Want to know more about the sexual abuse faced by men? Check this video out below!
12. What kinds of ways do men manifest this, that they end up coming into your office?
HM: It can affect men in a lot of different ways, but I think mostly it is the way of having attachment issues. A lot of men end up being attracted to older women. They come to my office because they know something is not right. They want to have a relationship with somebody their age, but it doesn’t do it for them.