5. If you haven’t laughed in a long time, find the lighter side of life, and share. Don’t forget you need to play together to stay happily together.
I’ve listened to many people struggle and fight during a therapy session. But when they can still laugh about something, I feel much more optimistic about whether or not they will make it. There’s something positive between them, a connection that contains a lightness and speaks to a shared history.
All work and no play is no good. And laughter is so much a part of the connection. So watch an old Monty Python movie. Or have a water gunfight. Simply play.
6. If the two of you are passing ships in the night, have at least one common goal (Psst…, not the kids…).
What are the two of you about? Where is your sense of partnership?
It’s pivotal to share something outside of parenting. Whether it’s work in your community, in your culture, in a church, or in your own lives such as a hobby or sport.. working together – making a difference together – is a powerful bonding opportunity. You’ll find common purpose – and that bond feels good.
7. If you’re focused on what’s not there anymore, you’ll miss what is there — the deeper understanding and value of years together.
Since you’ve been together for a while, you’ve had experiences that have de-romanticized your partner. You’ve seen them really sick. You know that irritating sound that happens when they eat. You can almost imitate the way he blows his nose in the morning. You’ve watched as the other one pouted, got mad over something inconsequential, or seemed to deliberately pick a fight with you.
They’ve lost that rock-star quality because you’ve both been through the nitty-gritty together. Yet the very depth of that shared experience is irreplaceable and far more of a treasure that the rock-star glam. But it can’t be new again. It simply can’t.
So, what would cause you to marry your partner all over again? Even knowing what you know now?
I hope you find answers that warm your heart.
Check out Dr. Margaret Rutherford’s bestselling book Perfectly Hidden Depression on Amazon. Her book will be translated into seven different languages and will be available this year.
When you married your spouse, you did so because you were head over heels in love with them. Yes, years of marriage can put a dent on the romance, and excitement, but if you genuinely love your spouse, you can go back to being “in love” with them; you just have to put in a little effort.