Are you looking for funny quotes to make everyone laugh? Well, you’ve come to the right place – witty comebacks and clever jokes for all occasion. Here’s a complete guide for funny quotes about life.
Did you know that hilarious quotes and sayings are good for your health? As the old saying says, “Laughter is the best medicine“, having humor in our lives can be a major stress reliever. It can even regulate our blood pressure.
Want to bring back a smile on everyone’s face? Let’s go on a quest to find the best and inspirational funny quotes. These hilarious quotes about life that we have collected from great authors, to leaders, to amazing public speakers, and it will surely make you laugh and nod in agreement.
Here’s a list of funny quotes and sayings which will make you laugh out loud.
1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”
— Mitch Hedberg
2. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
— Jack Handey
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3. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” — Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld)
4. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” — Joan Rivers
5. “The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.” — Bill Murray
6. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi never is attracted by a bargain.” — Graham Norton
7. “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.” — Henny Youngman
8. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams
9. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” — Oscar Wilde
10. Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.”
Becky: “Which one is ‘mute’?” — Waitress, the Musical
11. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire
12. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” — Erma Bombeck
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13. “I just realized that ‘Let me check my calendar’ is the adult version of ‘Let me ask my mom.’” — Noelle Chatham
14. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” — David Letterman
15. “If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit the same mistake again they just apologized for.” ― Amit Kalantri
16. God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die. ― Humorist Bill Watterson
17. “I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” — Arthur C. Clarke
18. Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that’s not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral. ― Robert Orben
19. Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. ― Doug Larson
20. I know God promises not to give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn’t trust me so much. ― Mother Teresa
21. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” —Anonymous
22. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” —Jimmy Kimmel
23. “You know your friendship is strong when it’s solely built on tagging each other in memes with absolutely no other forms of communication.”
24. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” —Anonymous
25. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” —Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends
26. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
27. The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it. – Franklin ― P. Jones
28. “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” — Caroline Rhea
29. “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.” —Anonymous
There you have it, whenever you find yourself down, just read these funny quotes and refresh yourself with a dose of laughter! Comment your favorite quote below!
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