We will take on whatever boundaries we saw most frequently in our childhood. If our families had non-existent or dysfunctional boundaries, we will take on that behavior in our adulthood.
If a parent is too intrusive or unreliable, the child will grow up to be avoidant and will grow walls instead of boundaries in his relationships.
If a parent is inconsistent in his love then the child will grow up to be too anxious and will try to dissolve all boundaries and merge with others totally.
He will view healthy boundaries created by friends as rejection and abandonment and will take it personally.
5) Lack of risk-taking abilities
The major difference between a child who is loved and who is unloved in childhood is that the one who gets consistent love is aware of his intrinsic value even with all the flaws and imperfections he might have.
As a result, he is not scared of failure because of his failure does not define his self-worth. He is very resilient and can overcome challenges easily. He wants to explore life and grab new opportunities and is high on risk-taking abilities.
But the one, who receives inconsistent love, grows to believe that he is not good enough and he tries hard to avoid failure at any cost because he thinks that the failure is a reflection of him being not good enough.
He then becomes too scared to step out of his comfort zone and risk anything in which he might fail and has very little risk abilities in life and often becomes an underachiever in life.
However, we can’t go back and change the parenting style our parents adopted, by recognizing the basis of our healthy behavior; we can start to take positive steps to adopt healthy behaviors.
Here are a few practical tips that we can adopt to adopt healthy behaviors:
1. Re -Parent the Inner child
Your inner child looks for love and validation that it didn’t get.
It longs to be cared for by someone who has its genuine well being at heart and that’s you.
2. Seek Therapy
If you didn’t get love and affection as a child, you grow up feeling a constant void that you always seek to fill, with no time left to focus on your dreams, goals or life, because you’re preoccupied with thoughts of how incomplete you are.
It is essential to create a solid internal sense of self to fill this void; therapy helps you to do that.
3. Self Discipline and healthy boundaries
Create healthy boundaries in work and relationships. Learn to discern when to put you first and when to extend yourself to others.
Schedule work and fun, my time and relationship time and avoid the tendency to operate in extremes.