Relationships are hard work. We try our best to make our relationship as happy and healthy as possible. Despite all we do, the harsh truth is that some relationships are doomed from the very beginning, and the best we can do is protect ourselves from a potential heartbreak by looking for the the Red Flag at the start of a relationship. In the words of Madeleine Mason Roantree, a dating psychologist, a red flag is “something your partner does that indicates a lack of respect, integrity or interest towards the relationship.”
During the beginning stages of a new relationship, the “honeymoon phase”, it feels like we are living a real-life fairytale romance! Everything is exciting, heady and romantic, and often, we overlook the flaws and warning signs. More often than not, we idealize our partner and think that he/she can never do anything wrong. But sooner or later, reality hits us.
We asked our readers to tell us what they think is the most common Red Flag at the beginning of a relationship that people ignore, and the response was overwhelming!
Here are the top 50 ones we liked the best.
1. Lack of compatibility. People keep adjusting in the vain hope that things will work out eventually till it’s too late.
– Sulekha Pande
2. Anger for insignificant things, ignoring you while demanding all your time and attention, backhanded compliments…there’s a lot we ignore in hope that it will get better.
3. Don’t ignore irrationality, it snowballs, eventually bowling over and flattening everything good you’ve managed to build!
– Gregory Pasceri
4. Watch how much they tip and how much they take at an all-you-can-eat Fish Fry.
– Susan Bryan Hagerty
5. Love bombing… never good! But usually too young to know what is hiding behind it. The Devil!
– Denisse Cafengiu
6. Don’t listen to a thing they say but watch everything they do. Actions do speak louder than words.
– Cheryl Brown Long
7. Not being heard, not really being seen, trying to mold themselves into something that really isn’t needed. It’s about trusting yourself and acting upon it instead of thinking it will change.
– Karen Yale
8. Any sign of – lack of patience.
If you have no patience for a slow old person, a small child who has not yet learned to know they are in the way, or an animal or road traffic, chances are you not only have no patience, but you can not empathize with others.
– Deborah Hinton
9. Signs of extreme annoyance of petty things.
– Joanne Moynihan
10. When they say something that goes against your morals…Wanting to get you into bed.
The first time they say something that makes you think..what the hell is wrong with this person..
Standing you up..
– Nicola Base
11. Some huge red flags were not being able to follow through. Being second best, my feelings never mattered, them Blaming others & situations for their legal and personal shortcomings in life. Total complete disaster in the long run. The sad thing is I knew better but still thought I could change that person.
– Sarah Chapman
12. A common red flag is that they call you (so “nice” and “lovely”) many times a day asking where you are, with whom, where are you going and then, being bothered by whatever you answer no matter what. Later, they pretend that we apologize to them for doing nothing wrong.
Also, that everything is for them and by them first regardless of your wants or needs, being or acting different in front of other people (specially in front of their friends and/or yours), etc.
– M del Rosario
13. Too possessive! Wants all your time. You are thinking, hey he really wants to be with me, in reality he wants to control you. Be careful what you wish for.
– Dean Carter
14. People mistake jealousy and possessiveness for caring and feel complimented by it at the beginning. “Oh they must really love me if they don’t want me to do that etc. So you stop doing it because it makes them upset but what you are really doing is allowing them control over you.
– Polly Smith
15. When they make light or even ignore your pain when something tragic happens….sociopath….run!
– Tammy Stewart Drake
16. Being aware if they lie to you right away, they will most likely continue to lie.
– Jennifer Sanguedolce Morrissey
17. When he says he isn’t on his phone all the time but he’s on his phone all the time while with you.
– Frances M. Silva
18. How they make you feel or whether or not they disrespect you early on. If they can easily overlook you or disrespect you during the honeymoon phase, it isn’t a good sign of what’s to come.
– Felicia Renteria-Holmes
19. That the person doesn’t want to be in photos with you on social media, and makes up reasons why.
– Martha Wilson
20. How their actions make you feel versus their words.
– Beth Wright
21. It wasn’t necessarily when we first started dating but it was probably a couple months in, it was long distance at the time and he would kind of expect these grand gestures for his birthday or holiday and I would spend a lot of time putting together these care packages for him that were decorated and filled with gifts AND mail to him in another state and When it was my birthday or Christmas I didn’t even get a card. There was no effort on his part and later in the relationship when we actually lived together the narcissistic personality really was apparent and there still was no effort it was all me giving and him just taking.
– Mandy McNamara
22. How they treat their mom!
– Lynn Maureen
23. Making you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with family/friends/children instead of them.
– Ash Renee
24. When you don’t listen to your instinct and minimize your gut feelings.
– Joanna Wan
25. Bringing up exes and speaking poorly of them.
– Jennifer Farnum
26. How he talks about people behind their back.
– Pat Martin
27. Mistaking shared childhood trauma for compatibility.
– Saundra Armstrong
28. The way someone reacts to not getting their way for the first time.
– Sandra Jean
29. Not committing to plans, making you feel as if something better doesn’t come up they’ll hang out with you.
– Mary Machura
30. Never keeping their words. And then does the same hurtful things over and over again. No apologies.
– Daphne Seet
31. Talks a lot about his ex or ex’s (he’s not over her/him) yet ..it’s truly a red flag that person occupies space in their head still.
– Michele Gee
32. Subtle confusion. Why would he/she say that? Why has he/she suddenly gone quiet for a few days? Why are things hot and cold? The connection should be easier than that.
– Meg Shepherd Vollema
33. When they have the “Wandering Eye” when they are out with you…they have too check out every woman in the place…huge warning flag…and don’t ignore it.
– Joyce Borton
34. Putting you against your family by gaslighting and manipulating you, making you think you don’t need them. It’s a way for the person to isolate you so you have no one to turn to. So they can control you.
– Codester White
Related: 15 Red Flags Of Manipulative People
35. Over affection, seeming to be Mr/Mrs right, No consistent job for a long time, catching them out in lies, excessive drinking/smoking, being dismissive of your feelings, explosive or overreaction….unable to control their anger or words.
– Jaime Penney
36. No respect for boundaries but pushes their desire in a way that either intimidates, or makes the recipient feel dumb for the boundaries they set.
– Debi Carlson
37. Telling all kinds of negative stories of their exes and they are always the victim.
– Crystal Erickson
38. Always making excuses, he or she doesn’t make time for you.
– Carolina Geoff
39. Talking over you and not actually listening to what you are saying.
– Sean O’Mahoney
40. Basic things that you love and couldn’t live without that the other person has no respect for.
– Pat Bushong
41. How they treat animals.
– Tim Brewster
42. When they never ask anything about you or what’s going on with you. They only talk about themselves and their daily lives.
– Krystal Brent
43. Inconsistency, is different around other people, negative, always telling you what you could be doing better.
– Samantha Simmons
44. Victimizing themselves all the time.
– Anna Spiropoulos
45. Keeping the relationship secret.
– Ymari Ramos
46. How they treat service people.
– Jean Batchelder Overton
47. Expressing love right away, pushiness for sex.
– Lisa Messmer
48. Subtle belittling or sarcastic comments disguised as “only jokes”.
– Claudia Urbina
49. Uh, abuse! Such as isolation – keeping a person from their close friends or family! First sign of abuse.
– Linda S. Doering
50. Inconsistent behavior.
– Tarita Hallman
A red flag at the beginning of a relationship shouldn’t be ignored. If you recognize any of the things mentioned above in your relationship, then beware that it is a Red flag which definitely shouldn’t be buried. Take your time and think over it before you plunge deeper into the relationship.