Being Blamed In Your Relationship? How To Stop The Blame Game

3. Blame for Change

The great thing about a partner who blames is that they are expressing their viewpoint and the existence of problems. This is healthier for the marriage than bottling up frustrations inside. As denial of problems and burying one’s head in the sand makes it far more difficult to resolve issues. It is also a sign of wanting the relationship to change for the better. A person who blames will stop blaming if they no longer care about the relationship. When people give up complaining it is often because they feel hopeless. So even if they see the only way to improve the marriage as your improving yourself, it’s an indication they care. and you can use the blame to create change.

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Why Do We Need To Stop the Blame Game?

Blaming is self-destructive – it disempowering rather than empowering. It hurts the relationship and blocks closeness. The fact is people who blame create more negativity for themselves and others.

If you allow your spouse to repeatedly blame you, you will eventually emotionally reject your spouse.  There is nothing loving about allowing yourself to be someone’s victim and vice versa.

Marriage counseling often focuses on blame. Where a couple goes and each takes it in turns to share why they think their partner is at fault for the problems. Which is why my approach to strengthening marriages is very different. There is no blame or no painful conversations. I meet many couples who get caught up in the blame game through marriage counselling and leave feeling worse off and further apart than ever before. This is why the empowered love online program ensures results through actions or I give a money back guarantee. It’s because I know the only way for lasting change is through inspired, giving loving action.

Occasionally people who blame, want marital counselling because they want the marriage therapist to side with them in blaming their spouse. This does not help the couple either, whether the marriage therapist agrees or doesn’t agree it is not going to make things any better. Some people desperately want the marriage therapist to say their partner is wrong and when they don’t they blame the marriage counsellor for not being very good.  Talking alone does not save a marriage, actions do, which is why forward focused coaching is far more effective in marriage transformation.

If you have not yet seen the marriage secret masterclass 60-minute video you can do so, using this link – it shows you how to bring about lasting change in your relationship and become closer.

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Remember who is right and who is wrong ultimately is not the issue here. The real issue is what you can do to increase the love and connection between you and your spouse

I hope you found this useful. Next week I will share more on blame with more steps you can take to deal with a spouse that blames you for everything, so stay tuned for that.


From my heart to yours, Nicola

Nicola Beer

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Written by Nicola Beer
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Nicola Beer
A world-renowned expert in relationship psychology and transformation. I have been fortunate over the past ten years to help thousands of men and women across the globe to live love filled and vibrant lives through healing relationships and childhood trauma, as well as their relationship to food. In addition to co-authoring 4 international best-seller books, I have been featured on ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox News Network, Huffington Post and Wall Street Select.
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