Congratulations! You survived the ugly break up and you are actually feeling pretty good…hopeful, like maybe now you can commit again.
Good for you! You made it through the ugly cries, ate way too much Häagen Daz and talked to your friends for hours on end. You even got rid of all his stuff. Yesterday though you noticed your recycling bin overflowing with empty wine bottles.
It’s time to do something different!
You decide to get back out there. Onward and upwards Baby!
All your friends say that you have to get online; that’s how people date! Although you feel uncomfortable, you decide to go for it, because if you don’t you are afraid that…
You will end up alone forever.
Well, darling, if you feel this way, here are some things you NEED to know before you commit again.
1. Healing takes time.
Understand that you are grieving. A breakup is a loss and you need to process not only in your mind but in your heart and soul; especially if you ever want to find success in future love.
Too often the fear of being alone forever encourages people to jump into other relationships before they heal from the last. Often that leads to reoccurring patterns and reoccurring failure.
2. There is no ‘time’ formula.
They say that for every year you have been with someone, it will take a month to heal. So if you were married for 10 years, you will be ready to get back out there 10 months after your separation. I say bullsh*t!
For some, who do the necessary work, it could be sooner. And yet for others, it will be much longer. Until you heal what is blocked within you, relationships will continue to challenge you.
3. You need to gain clarity about what you desire.
Too often we are unconscious in life. We spend a lot of time thinking and doing. Do not move forward before you are clear about how you want to feel in your next relationship.
You have likely spent time thinking about how you want your next partner to look, their annual income, their hobbies, and perhaps what you want to have in common; but please, take some time to get very clear on how you want to feel in your relationship.
Learn what your love languages are so you can ask yourself, ‘does this person speak my love language?’
4. Your friend’s advice is based on their needs, not yours.
Friends are amazing and you should definitely be grateful for their support after your break up. But understand this one very important thing.
The advice they give to you is based on their own core needs, not yours. Always run their well-meaning advice through your own intuitive filter. Ask yourself, ‘does that work for me?’ or ‘Does that match my needs or desires?’