Congratulations! You survived the ugly break up and you are actually feeling pretty good…hopeful, like maybe now you can commit again.
Good for you! You made it through the ugly cries, ate way too much Häagen Daz and talked to your friends for hours on end. You even got rid of all his stuff. Yesterday though you noticed your recycling bin overflowing with empty wine bottles.
It’s time to do something different!
You decide to get back out there. Onward and upwards Baby!
All your friends say that you have to get online; that’s how people date! Although you feel uncomfortable, you decide to go for it, because if you don’t you are afraid that…
You will end up alone forever.
Well, darling, if you feel this way, here are some things you NEED to know before you commit again.
1. Healing takes time.
Understand that you are grieving. A breakup is a loss and you need to process not only in your mind but in your heart and soul; especially if you ever want to find success in future love.
Too often the fear of being alone forever encourages people to jump into other relationships before they heal from the last. Often that leads to reoccurring patterns and reoccurring failure.
2. There is no ‘time’ formula.
They say that for every year you have been with someone, it will take a month to heal. So if you were married for 10 years, you will be ready to get back out there 10 months after your separation. I say bullsh*t!
For some, who do the necessary work, it could be sooner. And yet for others, it will be much longer. Until you heal what is blocked within you, relationships will continue to challenge you.
3. You need to gain clarity about what you desire.
Too often we are unconscious in life. We spend a lot of time thinking and doing. Do not move forward before you are clear about how you want to feel in your next relationship.
You have likely spent time thinking about how you want your next partner to look, their annual income, their hobbies, and perhaps what you want to have in common; but please, take some time to get very clear on how you want to feel in your relationship.
Learn what your love languages are so you can ask yourself, ‘does this person speak my love language?’
4. Your friend’s advice is based on their needs, not yours.
Friends are amazing and you should definitely be grateful for their support after your break up. But understand this one very important thing.
The advice they give to you is based on their own core needs, not yours. Always run their well-meaning advice through your own intuitive filter. Ask yourself, ‘does that work for me?’ or ‘Does that match my needs or desires?’
Yes, it’s true, your besties have a lot in common with you, but you are a unique and divinely created human being – don’t ever forget that!
5. If your soul desires to be in a partnership it will be.
If you desire something, it is meant to be. If your soul desires a loving, connected, and committed relationship, when your soul is ready, your desire will manifest.
But if you get stuck in scarcity mode thinking that you will be alone forever and jump before you are ready, then expect a few more bumps in the road. You might need to go on many dates or even have several relationships to learn what needs to be healed before you can attract the one.
Often people settle on something less than their soul desires because they cannot move beyond the mentality of scarcity. This is likely why the divorce rate for second marriages (60%) is higher than first marriages (41%).
6. The opposite of your ex is not the answer.
After being in a relationship or marriage for quite some time you tend to focus on everything that was wrong with the partnership…or person. Your desire to stay as far away from recreating the same experience naturally leads you to the exact opposite. But here’s the problem with that let me use an analogy.
Let’s say your ex was a salty bag of chips. The whole time you were with him you craved something sweet. So now you think you want a big tub of sweet gummy bears.
Oh, how you long for this sweet goodness. That is until your teeth start to hurt. You crave something different because this was not whole. Go for balance, not opposites. Take the good things your ex had and add in everything else you desire. You deserve salty and sweet and all sorts of other flavors and aromas. Go for the whole enchilada Baby!
7. Eliminate entanglements first.
It is not uncommon for people to date before their divorce is final or arrangements with their former partner are sorted out. I have even seen people go years before they finalize their divorce because it is too much of a headache or there is some benefit to remaining legally married.
Although you are not ‘in love’ with that person anymore and you live in separate homes doesn’t mean there are no emotional or energetic entanglements.
Commit to the work you need to do to eliminate these entanglements as soon as possible. Get that divorce finalized! Decide on who has custody of the dog.
Whatever it is deal with it! Let me ask you this – would you invite someone new into your house before cleaning it? Prepare a fresh clean space to welcome in your beloved.
When your soul is ready, your mate will appear.
Let’s get you ready! Everything I know and teach comes from my own personal struggles, learning, and growth. After several failures and almost losing the love of my life I figured out exactly what was holding me back from what I deeply desired and how to heal myself to create the love I desire.
I don’t want you to have to go through all of the same struggles I did so I created Unlocking Love – The Short Course to help you discover and unlock what is holding you back from the love you desire. It is the shortcut to Epic Love you’ve been looking for!
And if you are feeling confused or discouraged like you just do not know where to start we should talk. Schedule a complimentary 30 Minute Discovery Session with me to get some clarity on how to move forward.
Written by Diane Taylor
Originally appeared on ElevateLove.com
Printed with permission
When you are looking to commit again after a devastating breakup, having feelings of pessimism, and uncertainty is obvious. But does that mean you will never love again, and won’t commit to anyone ever again? If your answer is a resounding no, then make sure that you follow these tips, and just see how your heart opens up for love again.