7 Signs You’ve Difficulty Accepting Love After Trauma

Signs Difficulty Accepting Love After Trauma

Accepting love after trauma is a feeling not a lot of people understand. You are often regarded as someone uptight and arrogant who is playing hard to get. But little do they know about the battle going on inside you where you are desperate to feel loved, but you are not being able to let go of your fear and trauma.

When you feel uncomfortable accepting love, it doesn’t mean that you don’t believe in it, it’s just that you find it hard to believe that love is not supposed to hurt. Because of your traumatic experiences, you have come to associate love with pain, hurt and disappointment, and no matter how hard you try, you just can’t bring yourself to see that real love is never supposed to hurt, it’s supposed to make your heart feel full.

If you can relate to everything we spoke about till now, then let’s know more about the signs you have a hard time accepting love after trauma. Maybe reading these signs out loud can help you understand your pain and deal with it. So, let’s begin, shall we?

Related: How Life Changes After Being Broken By An Emotional Psychopath

7 Signs You’ve Difficulty Accepting Love After Trauma

1. You never feel at peace in any relationship, even if your partner is a genuinely good person.

Whenever you enter a new relationship, you just can’t bring yourself to be happy and peaceful in it. Your partner might be a very good person and genuinely loves you for who you are, but you find it very hard to let go of your past traumatic experiences and trust them. Because of your previous toxic relationship or childhood trauma, you find yourself constantly doubting your partner’s intentions and words.

Childhood trauma affects a relationship attachment to a huge extent, and not just that, even if you bring yourself to look at things in a positive and optimistic way, that mindset is most of the time, short-lived. Trying to read between the lines, being suspicious of your partner, not believing their compliments, and constantly thinking that they too will leave you, takes a toll on you and after a point, on your partner and relationship too.

2. You suffer from abandonment anxiety.

When you suffer from abandonment anxiety, you are either extremely clingy with your partner or you constantly push them away for fear of being abandoned. You want to love, but you are unable to love. You don’t want to be clingy, but you just can’t help it. You don’t mean to push them away, but you are too scared to have your heart broken again.

This is what trauma does to you. It takes away all your joy, happiness, and belief and leaves you a shell of the person you once were. Also, there’s no middle ground. You will either feel completely dependent on your partner, or you will refuse to accept their love and support.

Difficulty accepting love
Childhood trauma impacts relationship

3. You look for true love in the wrong people.

Looking for love in the wrong kind of people is one of the biggest signs that you have trouble accepting love after trauma. Be it traumatic childhood experiences, or past toxic relationships, because you have learned that love is supposed to be painful, you chase people who treat you like garbage.

You refuse to understand that you deserve better; you keep on falling for people who are not good for you and like every time you are the one who is left with a broken heart. The more you get hurt and disappointed, the more you think that this is what love is supposed to feel like and that you will never be happy again in your life.

Related: 7 Truths About Life After An Abusive Relationship

4. You experience splitting.

Splitting happens when you tend to see things from a very black-and-white point of view, and that too on an unconscious level. What you feel for someone right now might suddenly change in the next moment. For example, you might feel happy and loved with your partner but just a few minutes later, you will find yourself feeling annoyed with them.

Almost all the time, your emotions are all over the place and even though you realize this, you can’t seem to understand what to do to feel more emotionally stable. Splitting makes you feel even more emotionally tormented and unstable and this leads to further complications in your relationship.

5. You experience traumatic flashbacks.

It’s not easy to let go of the past, especially when you have had a very traumatic one. If you have grown up with abusive parents, it can be particularly challenging to break out of that traumatic loop because it’s your parents after all. Forgetting how they have treated you is hard because that is the only kind of “love” you have known since you came into this world.

Being in toxic and abusive relationships can also destroy your mental and emotional health. You keep on reliving those bad times and this keeps you in a vicious cycle of traumatic and painful memories. Your flashbacks are intrusive and intense and these recollections can be extremely distressing and unwelcome.

Hard time accepting love after trauma
Childhood trauma spoils romantic relationships

6. You have self-harming and self-numbing tendencies.

When it comes too difficult to deal with the pain of the past, you give in to harmful things, hoping they will help you deal with it all, or rather numb you from it all. Be it physical self-harm or emotional self-harm, the impact is all the same – it propels you further into self-destruction.

Engaging in toxic practices might make you feel better in the short term, but unfortunately, it will prove to be really harmful to you in the long run. You can run away from your true feelings for some time, but after a point, they are bound to catch up to you. Substance abuse and addictions are never going to help you live a happy life, rather they will just make things worse and even harder to deal with.

Related: 8 Heartbreaking Thoughts You Face As An Adult Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

7. You are racked by guilt all the time.

This is one of the major reasons you’ve difficulty accepting love in adulthood. You feel guilty for not seeing the signs earlier. You feel guilty for not being strong enough to leave them sooner. You feel guilty for not moving on faster. You feel guilty for getting involved with them in the first place. And this one is probably the most painful one, you feel guilty for not being a “better” son/daughter to your parents.

You keep on berating yourself for the “mistakes” you made, not realizing that none of it was your fault; you were just a victim of your circumstances. It was not you who failed them, THEY are the ones who failed you!

The next time you ask yourself, “Why am I afraid to accept love?”, remember that you have gone through a lot in your life, and beating yourself up about it all the time is only going to hurt you more.

It’s hard accepting love when you have been through trauma, but you know something? It will be okay. You will be okay. You are not your trauma, and you are more than your trauma. You are so much more than your toxic relationships and parental neglect. It might be hard to see this now, but trust me when I tell you this: you deserve all the good things in life and so much more.

Want to know more about accepting love after trauma? Check this video out below!

Accepting love after trauma

Signs Difficulty Accepting Love After Trauma pin
Signs Accepting Love After Trauma

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

What Is Enmeshment Trauma? Understanding The Depths And Impact Of Emotional Entanglement

What Is Enmeshment Trauma? Ways To Break Free

Are you over-burdened by the needs, desires, expectations and emotions of people around you? Do setting healthy and strong boundaries feel impossible for you? If so, you may be experiencing enmeshment trauma. But what is enmeshment trauma and how to heal enmeshment trauma? Let’s find out.

What is Enmeshment Trauma?

Enmeshment trauma is a psychological condition that arises from extreme closeness and blurred boundaries in relationships, making you feel overwhelmed and detached from your own self. 

It is a form of psychological distress caused by an unhealthy relationship where there is no individuality. It usually

Up Next

How To Deal With Trauma Triggers In A Relationship: 6 Strategies for Healing and Connection

How To Deal With Trauma Triggers In A Relationship: Tips

Ever felt extremely emotional or overwhelmed while interacting with your partner? Do you feel distant or exhausted by specific situations and behaviors of loved ones? Trauma triggers in a relationship can severely affect the emotional and mental health of both partners. That’s why it is crucial for you to learn how to deal with trauma triggers in a relationship.

Whether you are dating someone with relationship trauma or you are the one who is dealing with such emotional turmoil, understanding the interplay of trauma and relationships can help you better manage these triggers and build healthier and more positive relationships.

What are Trauma Triggers in a Relationship?

Up Next

8 Tips For Healing Attachment Trauma And Building Healthy Connections

Tips For Healing Attachment Trauma and Embracing Freedom

Are you trapped in a cycle of toxic relationships? Do you often ask yourself why you are unable to build or maintain loving, healthy relationships? When you are constantly haunted by past trauma, it can be difficult to connect with others. Understanding the importance of healing attachment trauma can improve your ability to trust others and build more positive relationships.

Trauma is a deep-rooted psychological and emotional wound that can have a profound impact in different aspects of our lives. Learning to identify and overcome certain negative experiences from our past can empower us to build healthy attachment bonds.

So today we are going to explore what is attachment trauma, signs of attachment trauma in adults and attachment trauma treatment. Let’s dive in.

Up Next

The Impact Of Distorted Childhood: 11 Mental Disorders Caused By Childhood Trauma

Childhood Shadows: Mental Disorders Caused By Childhood Trauma

Ever wonder how your childhood experiences shaped you as an individual? Our childhood has a really strong impact in our adult lives and most of the time we don’t even realize how deep this impact is. While positive childhood experiences can boost our self-esteem and confidence, negative and traumatic experiences can lead to serious mental illness. Let’s explore the different mental disorders caused by childhood trauma.

Childhood is an important part of our lives as it strongly influences our physical, mental and emotional development. However, it is also a period when we can become vulnerable to traumatic experiences that can wreak havoc on our mental well-being. 

Today, let us explore the complex relationship between mental illness and childhood trauma and learn “how can childhood trauma affect mental health?”, while exploring

Up Next

Feeling Stuck? Can’t Stop Procrastinating? Learn How Freeze Trauma Response Sneaks Into Your Daily Routine

Freeze Trauma Response Examples And How It Invades Your Life

Have you ever wondered, why it is hard to get out of bed sometimes? Is it a lack of motivation or what? Well, let’s take a look at some freeze trauma response examples to reveal what is behind this experience.

What Is Freeze Trauma Exactly?

Liz Tenuto, “The Workout Witch,” with 1 million followers, recently explained in a viral TikTok video with 1.6 million views that feeling stuck in daily activities such as getting out of bed or going out could be due to chronic freeze

Up Next

Financial Trauma: 10 Untold Secrets to Bounce Back from Cash Crisis to Financial Bliss

Untold Secrets Of Conquering Financial Trauma

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by financial problems? Do you always worry about money, struggling to meet basic needs, or haunted by money mistakes made in the past? If so, then you may be suffering from financial trauma.

Let us explore what is financial trauma, signs of financial trauma, financial trauma from childhood and how to deal with financial trauma.

What is Financial Trauma?

Financial trauma is an emotional and psychological distress caused by severe negative financial experiences and negative economic challenges. Some of these may arise due to various situatio

Up Next

How To Tell If ‘People-Pleasing’ Is A Fawn Trauma Response? 10 Signs To Look For!

Fawn Trauma Response: Warning Signs Of People-Pleasing

Ever feel like going the extra mile to please others even if it meant that your own needs were being ignored? Well, maybe you’ve heard of a thing called “fawn trauma response.” Let’s unpack this and see if it sounds familiar.

What Does Fawning Mean?

When someone fawns, they excessively seek approval or avoid conflicts by pleasing other people. Therapist Peter Walker invented the concept of the fawn response as a way of describing a situation in which an individual’s reaction to trauma is focused on the needs of others and not on himself/herself.