*Author’s Note: This is a response to an article written by Dina Strada on Elephant Journal, 7 Types of Men to Stay Away From. It seems like Dina wrote it from her heart, and based on the reactions I read on Facebook, many women agree with her. I have imitated her style and form in an effort to show another perspective, my perspective—a man’s perspective.
As men, it’s too easy to assume women are what we see on the outside.
Drawn in by her looks, a smile, we are quick to let our guard down and minimize any negative qualities. We want to believe she is kind, loving and can make a damn good sandwich.
We can usually explain why we fall. It’s usually because she’s pretty and hasn’t given us a reason not to.
It’s not surprising, then, that many men fall for the same types of woman over and over again, even if it always turns out the same way.
Complete f*cking bullsh*t.
If you stop and take an outsider’s look at your current relationship, you may realize you are in this pattern right now. The good news is, now you can predict the future!
Everyone can change, though, and who knows, maybe this time it will turn out differently. But chances are, you’re in for another heartache. Here is a short list of seven types of women I would recommend avoiding in a long-term relationship:
1. The Fixer Upper
This girl is just a few short qualities away from perfect. She hasn’t quite learned her own self-worth. Her confidence may be a little low. Self-deprecating humor is her favorite defense against the world.
But if you could just get her to see herself the way you see her!
Stop now! She is the only one in charge of her happiness and her self-esteem. She has to discover her amazingness herself. She will only see you as someone with bad judgment if you try to tell her she is better than she sees herself. Find a woman who loves herself. I promise you. She will love you harder than you can imagine.
2. The Over-Communicator
The girl is just downright annoying. She wants to tell you everything about everything. And she wants to hear it, too. This girl needs a girlfriend. Not you. She will sap all of your energy leaving nothing left for romance. Not to mention, she will kill the mystery. Half of the fun of a new relationship is the discovery. And much like exploring a new city, it is best done slowly and physically.
She will talk when she’s nervous, talk when she’s scared, talk when she’s aroused and talk when she’s lonely. And it won’t stop. It might be cute for a few dates, but as a man, we need silence sometimes. Communication is key in any relationship, but not everything has to be revealed at once. And some things are better just left alone.
You are her boyfriend, not her mother, not her best friend. Let the correct people fill those roles and you will be better at yours.
3. The Overly Experienced Girl (?)
I don’t know how to say this without pissing someone off, but if someone has had a lot of partners, there may be a reason—maybe she gets bored easily, or doesn’t stay with men for the right reasons. That said, it’s not fair to make assumptions toward another based on the number of partners they may have had, so you might want to do some self-reflection if you find yourself judging her on this.
4. The Girl Who Wants The Bad Boys
You’ve heard a thousand girls say it: “Why do I always fall for Jerks!?!” He treats her like crap and she goes home with him. She is attracted to his confidence, not his disregard for her feelings. She is attracted to his well taken care of body, not his Affliction tee shirts. She sees a man who can protect her, lead her and provide for her. He gives her the tingling feeling that overrides her better sense of judgment.
But he will have a thousand more “options,” just like her, and when she comes (back) to you, she will be thinking of him. You have two choices here: be her second choice, or be the “jerk” she’s lusting for. Well, three choices I guess. You could also just walk away.
Choice two is by far the best one here. Take care of yourself. Eat well. Lift weights. Be successful and educate yourself. I take this whole thing back—if she wants the bad boy, be the bad boy. Hopefully you can do this without becoming a d*ck.