4) Men who don’t enjoy Solitude
“The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it’s not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person–without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other.” ― Osho
There is a very delicate balance of solitude and connection in a relationship. Each partner needs time to spend with himself, pursue his dreams and passions and discover himself. When two people know how to be in solitude and have their own experiences ,they can come back to the relationship to share their insights and experiences of life.
But a man who is not comfortable with his solitude will not be comfortable with his emotions either. He is just running away from them instead of sitting with them and feeling them.
When he can’t be available to his own emotions, how will he be available to you?
5) Men who are Dependant
The most common misconception about love is the idea that dependency is love.
So many people profess that they cannot live without you and you may be very tempted to consider this gesture as romantic.
But let me tell you, it is not. When you require another person for your survival, it is not love but dependency.
“Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other.
I define dependency as the inability to experience wholeness or to function adequately without the certainty that one is being actively cared for by another.
It is to be distinguished from what are commonly referred to as dependency needs or feelings. We all – each and every one of us- even if we try to pretend to others and ourselves that we don’t have dependency needs and feelings. All of us have desires to be babied, to be nurtured without effort on our parts, to be cared for by persons stronger than us who have our interests truly at heart.
But for most of us these desires or feelings do not rule our lives; they are not the predominant theme of our existence.
When they do rule our lives and dictate the quality of our existence, then we have something more than just dependency needs or feeling, we are dependant. “ – M.Scott Peck, Psychiatrist and author of Road Less Travelled
A person who is dependant is so busy seeking love and attention; he has no energy left to give love.
They are people who tolerate loneliness very poorly and derive their identity solely from their relationships.
It doesn’t matter who they are in a relationship with, as long as there is someone.
They will jump in and out of relationships.
If someone comes on too strong early in the relationship or professes too much too soon, please tread carefully.
Please don’t let the intensity of their emotions mislead you, they are just acting out their dependency needs and their emotions really have no substance.
6) Men who are Insecure
A man who is insecure and lacks confidence in his abilities will not be able to show up fully in a relationship and let you blossom into your highest potential.
He would just be in a relationship with you to avoid being alone or to feel better about himself.
He would not look at your relationship as a partnership between equals and would feel threatened if you do better than him.
He would feel jealous and insecure and would try to cling to you or demotivate you rather than helping you to shine in your glory.
There is some amount of healing that he has to do to solve his self worth issues before he can show up as a confident and loving partner.
Let him work on his issues. Move on and wish him well!