The saying ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ is an accurate one and something that happens in many marriages over the years.
It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other’s behaviors and actions.
Furthermore, it’s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven’t already shared with your partner.
When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn’t do our relationship any good because we weren’t communicating and giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.
I am no longer married.
So, make sure you agree early on to treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.
4– Keep the power dynamic even.
In many marriages, it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when power dynamics are unequal, a marriage can be damaged.
Make an effort to keep the decision making even in your marriage. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him the opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.
Letting your marriage’s playing field become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?
Not so much.
5– Spend time apart.
When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.
It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love because too much togetherness can lead to neglect- to taking each other for granted, for losing oneself and for alienating close friends and family. None of those things can lead to a happy marriage.
You know the old saying ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder?” It’s true!
Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can’t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream? It’s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.
And then the heart grows fonder.
So, spend some time apart. Be yourself. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.
Poor boundaries in marriage can be a recipe for disaster.
Marriages are built by two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.
So, don’t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.
At the beginning of your marriage, make it a priority with your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your marriage to be a healthy one.
You can do it!
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