10 Things I Learned While Everyone Else Was Getting Married


While Everyone Else Was Getting Married

When it comes to marriage, everyone has different perceptions. Some people want to live in a romantic relationship without ever getting married, while others want to stay single forever. Also, there are people who are willing to marry only after accomplishing career goals, while few are ready for commitment just to feel complete.

Are you in a confusion whether to marry or not?

Here’re 10 Things I Learned While Everyone Else Was Getting Married

1. Don’t settle out of fear.

Most people settle for marriage out of fear of being single,  according to recent studies. Negative affirmations like “I cannot find someone better if I get older” or “I should get married else I will be left alone” push you towards poor relationships that are unlikely to last longer.

Fear is an illusion of mind and leads to poor judgment. As you rush to get married just because none of your friends are single anymore, you “miss critical warning signs that a potential partner is a bad news” as per  Lori Gottlieb, a psychotherapist based in Los Angeles. It’s better to stay alone until you find a partner who loves you the way you deserve to be loved.

What no one ever told you about people who are single? To know watch out the video.

2. Being single has benefits.

According to a study published in the Journal of Current Directions in Psychological Science –  singles are assumed to be immature, maladjusted, and selfish. Such stigma gives rise to discrimination. For example, a rental application denied in favor of a married couple. But recent studies showed that single people are less self-centered, helpful to family, friends and ailing parents and more giving than married and cohabitating couples. Its time to debunk harmful myths like this!

Related: 8 Reasons Why It’s Better To be Single

A successful marriage shouldn’t always be the main source of happiness. Being single helps you ponder and figure out what you really want. It’s the phase, where you have the opportunity to indulge in things that interest you, build strong friendships, devote yourself to causes that you’re passionate about. Singlehood is the stage where you can develop a sense of self-worth. You don’t seek an identity that is not attached to a romantic partner’s love and approval.

These experiences will help you feel satisfied in your life with or without a partner. Even if you’re in a relationship, you may be less likely to have unrealistic expectations that your partner can and should meet all your needs.

3. Your list of ideal husband changes over time. 

By the time you reach your mid or late twenties, your perception about good husband changes drastically. Instead of charm and other external factors like money and status, you start looking for deeper qualities like responsibility, confidence, honesty, integrity, righteousness and so on.

As you grow up what matters to you most is having a partner who will lead you and your family to the right path, gives the affection you deserve, appreciates little things you do for him, and has patience dealing with troubles. Things that matter to you most keep changing as time passes.

Related: The Best Way To Find The Right Partner For You

4. Choose the right career over marriage

No matter what a stable career never leaves you. Mid-twenties is the right phase to discover yourself, work as your passion, explore the corporate world and figure out what you want to do in life. Finding the right career and getting stable is important than marriage because it will make you self-sufficient. It adds to your purpose, boosts your self-confidence and self-esteem.

You will grow and learn from new experiences in life. Your financial independence not only makes you internally driven but makes you a happier person. A good career can help you survive even when your partner and parents leave you.  So, get professionally stable before you settle down.

Read on to…Dear Women! Stop Putting Marriage Ahead Of Your Career

5. Modern dating teaches life lessons.

With every dating disaster, you get to learn a new thing about yourself. Your dating mistakes are lessons about do’s and don’ts in relationships. Handling rejections comes easily to you. And you tend to gain clarity about the kind of person you want to marry.

Dating errors teach you to get that self-respect and not tolerate when someone crosses your boundaries. Moreover, you start valuing your time and enjoy being alone instead of wasting time with someone who is nasty, weird and not genuinely interested in relationships.

6. Surround yourself with the right people.

Invest time in a few good friends who help you nurture your strengths and overcome weaknesses. They love you and value your beliefs, support your dreams and get you through almost anything in life.

When you surround yourself with people with a growth mindset, your life becomes easier. They will fuel your growth mentally and emotionally, inspiring with their achievements and successes. Good friends are like the backbone, so pick them wisely.

Related: 26 Little Lessons I Learned About Love From Relationships Without A Label

7. You can be happier with individualistic values.

People who are alone and single are not the reason for the loneliness epidemic, according to Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist and America’s foremost thinker and writer on a single experience.

Being single doesn’t make you miserable! You can make things happen alone. You can work or travel places without anyone’s approval. No commitment means to have the world in your hands. Being single is a privilege in this contemporary world!  Do whatever you want and become whoever you want.

Unmarried people care about individualistic values such as freedom and creativity more than married people do. A European Social Survey, of more than 200,000 people from 31 European nations published in the Journal of Happiness Studies, found that people who cared more about individualistic values were happier. And unmarried people got more happiness out of their individualistic values than married people.

8. Marriage is no excuse for kids

You can be married and not have kids. On the contrary, you can be single and yet raise kids. Hollywood celebrity Kristin Davis adopted her daughter as a single mother in 2011. In the same year, Connie Britton adopted her son Yoby as a single mother. These celebrities proved the world that being single cannot stop them from having a family.

There is no point in raising kids when you are not ready. Those who are doing so are setting their marriage up for disaster. And failing our children today — coddling and crippling them, according to Dr. Tim Elmore (a youth leadership expert and CEO and Founder of Growing Leaders), who spoke to Forbes on parenting for success.

Related: ‘I Don’t Want Children”: Challenging The Belief That We Should Have Kids

9. You will not ‘lose’ your married friends.

Do you think you’ll lose contact with your close friends after marriage? Well, that’s a very wrong notion. Remember that everyone wants friends. No one wants friendships to end because of marriage.

Once the honeymoon phase is over, things will get back to normal. Soon your friends will be a phone call away. However, if friendships don’t have a strong enough foundation, they will break anyway irrespective of marriage.

10. Marriage doesn’t guarantee true love.

How often do you pamper yourself? Have you mastered the art of self-love? Marriage is not an answer to happiness if you can’t be happy alone before marriage. If you cannot love yourself and respect your needs, goals, and desires, then chances are high you’ll land up in a miserable situation after marriage. Because you are going to cripple your spouse with your never-ending expectations to meet all your emotional needs.

Related: True Love Is Unconditional: A Perfect Marriage Is Not

It’s a popular misconception that your partner can make you whole because only you can do that. It’s your experiences, passions,  hearts, intelligence, and strength that make you feel complete. True love doesn’t ensure a successful marriage and marriage too doesn’t guarantee true love. It takes respect, understanding, trust, faith, and friendship to make a marriage last forever.

How do you feel about being single? Let’s start the conversation in comments

10 Things I Learned While Everyone Else Was Getting Married

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