Your romantic relationship is one of the most intimate relationships in your lives, and what allows it to be intimate is trust. Without trust, there is no relationship. Trust is the very foundation of your relational home. If he does not keep his word, you are not safe with him.
5. He ignores or neglects you.
Someone who really loves you knows how special you are. He shows you care and attention because he truly cherishes you. People who are neglectful are not available for love — to themselves or anyone else.
They are stuck at a very young level of emotional development and no matter how fantastic you are or what you do, he’s simply not capable of giving you the care you deserve, and he never will be.
6. He speaks in a manner that is rude, crude, or disrespectful.
You need for the person you’re with to be a real mensch (Yiddish for a person of integrity and honor). Someone who speaks rudely in general and especially in your presence does not honor you, themselves, or anyone else.
We teach people how to treat us. Putting up with disrespectful talk tells them their words are acceptable. Even something as common as a man using the word “girl” to describe a grown woman is patronizing, demeaning, and sexually twisted. We don’t call grown men “boys” because it would insult their maturity and masculinity.
When you have an unpleasant bodily reaction to the words someone uses, there is usually a very good reason for it. It’s because they are unloving.
7. Shows or acts on an interest in pursuing other women.
It’s healthy, normal, and natural to feel attracted to other people whether or not you are in a relationship. To act on this attraction is something different altogether. Commitment is a sign of love and devotion. If someone is not committed to you, they do not really love you.
If you have a sick child, you are required to take time off of work and self-interest in order to care for that child. Abandoning your parental duties because other things are more appealing to you would mean that you don’t truly love your child. The same is true in romance.
8. Acts like your needs are a burden or inconvenience in his life.
One of the most self-oppressive things you can do in relationships is to pretend that you don’t have any needs. We all have a need to be loved, appreciated, and cared for on emotional and physical levels.
If you suffered neglect or abuse as a child, you likely subconsciously believe that you are a burden, but it’s not true! You deserve a mate who is capable of treating you like a precious gem worthy of the best.
9. He criticizes, disparages, or belittles you.
Generally speaking, criticism beats a spirit down. Most people criticize themselves enough. The last person we need to hear more negative feedback from is our partner. There is a difference between a person who offers helpful suggestions and one who criticizes.
The latter causes you to feel bad about yourself. Don’t tolerate it. Not for one second.
10. He makes the focus about him, constantly demanding your time, energy, and attention.
A healthy, loving partner appreciates your love but does not demand it for his own ego gratification. Anything that’s imbalanced, including relationships, is subject to disease. Relationships are a two-way street about each person sharing with each other.
You’ll have an intuitive sense when someone is sucking your energy. Pay attention to that inner knowing because it will only get worse.
Written by Heather Hans
Originally Appeared on Yourtango.com
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