3. He pressures you to do things for him that you don’t feel comfortable doing.
A classic sign of self-centeredness, a person who pressures you into doing things for him that you are not comfortable doing has no regard for you. You are an object to him, to be used for his own power source.
If you are an empath and giver by nature, you must especially watch out for this trap. You feel good by giving, he feels good by taking — it’s the perfect storm that leads to destruction and classic dysfunctional relationships.
It has nothing to do with love and everything to do with low self-worth and a search for identity through another person.
4. He repeatedly fails to keep his word or lies to you.
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz brought the importance of this reality to light. It’s been said that it’s better to live in a tent if you must than to live in a mansion with a man you can’t trust.
Your romantic relationship is one of the most intimate relationships in your lives, and what allows it to be intimate is trust. Without trust, there is no relationship. Trust is the very foundation of your relational home. If he does not keep his word, you are not safe with him.
5. He ignores or neglects you.
Someone who really loves you knows how special you are. He shows you care and attention because he truly cherishes you. People who are neglectful are not available for love — to themselves or anyone else.
They are stuck at a very young level of emotional development and no matter how fantastic you are or what you do, he’s simply not capable of giving you the care you deserve, and he never will be.
6. He speaks in a manner that is rude, crude, or disrespectful.
You need for the person you’re with to be a real mensch (Yiddish for a person of integrity and honor). Someone who speaks rudely in general and especially in your presence does not honor you, themselves, or anyone else.
We teach people how to treat us. Putting up with disrespectful talk tells them their words are acceptable. Even something as common as a man using the word “girl” to describe a grown woman is patronizing, demeaning, and sexually twisted. We don’t call grown men “boys” because it would insult their maturity and masculinity.
When you have an unpleasant bodily reaction to the words someone uses, there is usually a very good reason for it. It’s because they are unloving.
7. Shows or acts on an interest in pursuing other women.
It’s healthy, normal, and natural to feel attracted to other people whether or not you are in a relationship. To act on this attraction is something different altogether. Commitment is a sign of love and devotion. If someone is not committed to you, they do not really love you.
If you have a sick child, you are required to take time off of work and self-interest in order to care for that child. Abandoning your parental duties because other things are more appealing to you would mean that you don’t truly love your child. The same is true in romance.