How To Stop Being A Toxic Parent? 10 Simple Ways

How To Stop Being A Toxic Parent

Without even realizing it, you wind up participating in toxic parenting. Here’s how to stop being a toxic parent and create a healthy environment for your children.

Toxic parenting sets the stage for abusive adults and starts a cycle that is hard to escape. Thomas Fiffer offers 10 dos and don’ts to keep your parenting healthy and safe.

Perhaps the worst thing a parent can hear from a grown-up child is, “I want you out of my life. You’re toxic.” It’s a death sentence for the relationship, spelling a long period of estrangement if not a permanent break.

It may be the healthiest decision for the child, but it is a heartbreaking one that carves a deep wound in both psyches, making the road to reconciliation arduous and uncertain.

No parent is perfect. We’re all human, and we all make mistakes, including some whoppers. But there’s a difference between screwing up while providing healthy love and presiding over a psychologically damaging childhood that will necessitate a lifetime of healing.

The steps outlined below are for concerned parents who want to do things right and are willing to examine themselves critically.

They presuppose a healthy degree of self-awareness and the desire and ability to make positive changes. They do not address behavior caused by substance abuse or serious mental illness. And they are only one man’s opinion.

How To Stop Being A Toxic Parent? Here Are 10 Simple Ways

1. Be the bigger person.

You’re not only literally the bigger person, but you’re also the grown-up. Act like one. After the fight, be the one who breaks the silence, extends the olive branch, and works to restore healthy communication.

How To Stop Being A Toxic Parent? 10 Simple Ways
Fix Toxic Parenting: 10 Ways How To Not Be A Toxic Parent

You may have been right, but if being right is what parenting is about for you, you’re going to alienate your kid. Apply the advantages of maturity for good. Step back and process. Use your judgment. And step in with determination not to be right but to make things right between the two of you.

Kids are much less likely to remember whether you won or lost a particular fight or argument than to recall exactly how you made them feel.

2. Don’t pathologize your children to cover up your own poor parenting skills. 

Labeling a child or using (or worse, seeking) a diagnosis, such as ADD/ADHD or a personality disorder, to explain and excuse behavior that you should be addressing—or that mirrors your unhealthy modeling—places a lead weight on your child that he or she will be eager to lift at the onset of adulthood.

The same goes for blaming undesirable behavior on bad genes—meaning your partner’s. It’s one thing to be realistic about and treat an actual condition.

It’s entirely another to indoctrinate your child with the inevitability of a limited, unhappy life due to inescapable deficiencies while refusing to address your own failings.

Related: How Toxic Family Dynamics Can Cause C-PTSD In Emotionally Intense Children

3. Don’t make their drama your drama. 

Your kid gets the lead in the play or scores the winning run, basket, or goal in the championship game, or on the flip side, struggles with depression or endures a nasty breakup. Who’s triumphing or suffering? Who deserves the credit or sympathy?

Avoid Being A Toxic Parent: Breaking The Cycle Of Toxic Parenting

Put the focus where it belongs—on your child—and keep it there. Sure, you have feelings. You share the joy in your kids’ accomplishments and sorrow for their troubles.

But don’t hang your emotional state on their emotional state or co-opt their experiences and feelings by making it all about you.

4. Understand the difference between criticizing and correcting. 

Children need guidance to stay on the right path. For many, discipline, self-control, and healthy habits don’t come naturally—they’re learned. Be a guide, not a critic. Don’t call your kid lazy or stupid. Teach your child a work ethic and help build his or her academic skills.

Challenge and goal setting motivates people and makes them try harder. Personal insults break their spirit and make them want to give up. Criticism weakens, while correction strengthens and opens the door for positive reinforcement.

5. Learn impulse control.

We all get upset. We all yell. And at times, we all lose it when our children push our specific buttons or do incredibly annoying or obnoxious things. When this happens, we feel unheard, hurt, and disrespected, and tempted to strike back—with harsh words, severe punishment, or physical blows.

Learning how to contain your immediate reaction and formulate an appropriate response will not only model balance to your child but also create a calmer dynamic and stop you from saying and doing things you will later regret.

Related: What Is Parentification: Identifying The Signs, Types, Effects, And How To Deal With Parentification Trauma

6. Remember that kids are vulnerable. 

We often forget this, because they’re so resilient. They cry, and then they stop crying. The next minute, or the next hour, their mood has changed, and everything is back to normal, at least on the surface.

But if they’re integrating painful experience, it’s changing them, and if they’re denying it because it’s too painful to process, they’re looking at a crisis down the road and years, even a lifetime, of therapy.

Children don’t necessarily tell you when their feelings about you have changed when you have lost their respect or endangered their love for you.

They may not even be consciously aware of their own breaking points, but they have them, as we all do, so handle with care if you want them to stay whole.

7. Avoid using guilt and shame as consequences. 

Guilt and shame are the sledgehammer and chainsaw in the parenting toolbox—one hits kids over the head, while the other cuts them to the core.

Don’t whine about your hurt feelings if your child doesn’t want to bake cookies or go to the ball game with you. Don’t spout about how embarrassed you—or Aunt Mildred—will be if they fail biology or don’t make the tennis team. And don’t threaten horrors—such as a life of poverty—if your child’s grades don’t improve.

How To Not Be A Toxic Parent? 10 Steps For Overcoming Toxic Parenting

This type of behavior is incendiary and utterly unhelpful. It saps your child’s confidence and makes him or her dependent on you or others for approval. Instead, help them understand their choices and the real consequences of their actions.

8. Don’t smother and infantilize; encourage self-sufficiency. 

We love doing things for our kids to make their lives easier and to help them succeed, and it’s our job to set up a good life for them. But there’s a difference between providing assistance and enabling helplessness, between setting the table and putting the food out and cutting it up and feeding it to your kid.

Don’t allow your need to feel needed—which may have roots in your own childhood—to interfere with your child’s need to become self-reliant and independent.

And don’t hover, because ultimately you’re giving your child the message that he or she can’t make it without your help.

Related: 11 Signs of Bad Parenting! Are You Guilty of Them?

9. Master and model healthy conflict resolution with your partner. 

A toxic, dysfunctional dynamic with your partner will both impact your child’s ability to function in adult relationships and drive him or her away from your home. It creates a double-bind:

The child grows up vowing not to have the relationship they see you having and at the same time lacking the tools to avoid it.

If your own relationship is volatile or worse, violent, get help. This not only creates a safer environment for your children but also models the importance of solving problems instead of ignoring them or sweeping them under the rug.

10. Practice self-care.

I’ve always believed that many of our worst parenting moments occur when we’re tired, stressed, sick, distracted, or for whatever reasons, internally ragged.

Taking good care of yourself—maintaining good eating habits, exercising regularly, getting out (hire that sitter), and making time to do things you enjoy makes you healthier both physically and psychologically and gives you more energy to deal with your children.

It also prevents you from resenting your kids for the sacrifices you make for them. And resentment is the precursor to contempt.

There are many different parenting styles, and in the absence of the instruction manual, we each find our own way. The advice here is intended to identify behaviors that are and aren’t beneficial to children and conducive to developing a healthy relationship with them once they become adults.

Related: The Narcissistic Parent: 5 Signs You Were Raised By One

Toxic parenting can have damaging effects on a child’s mind, and can even end up haunting them when they become adults.

If you see any of these signs of toxic parenting in yourself, or your partner, immediately work towards changing that before it’s too late. Not only will your children thank you in the long run, you will also have a much healthier relationship with them.

If you want to learn more about the signs of toxic parenting, here’s a video:

10 Simple Steps To Stop Toxic Parenting

Written by Thomas G. Fiffer
Originally appeared on TheGoodMenproject
toxic Parenting
How To Not Be A Toxic Parent? 10 Strategies To Work With Toxic Parenting
Simple Steps to Stop Toxic Parenting Pin
How To Stop Being A Toxic Parent? 10 Steps To Fix Toxic Parenting
How To Stop Being A Toxic Parent pinex
How To Stop Being A Toxic Parent pin

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

3 Questions To Empower Your Children

Questions To Empower Your Children

If you are thinking how to empower your children, then you’ve come to the right place. When it comes to their experiences at school or life in general, these 3 questions to empower your children can be really helpful. Let’s find out how to empower your children, and which questions to ask.


It takes away children’s power to tell them what to do or to belittle their challenges.

Asking them questions activates their inner power.

Ask, “What have you tried? How did it work? What else can you try?”

What’s the first thing you do when your child tells you about a

Up Next

5 Best Toys For Your Kids That Are Absolutely Free

Best Toys For Your Kids That Are Absolutely Free

Do you want to know about some of the best free toys for your kids, even best toys for your newborn? Playing with your kids are some of the best times you will ever spend with each other. Even though getting them toys from the market can make them happy, there are some “toys” that can make them even happier. Explore some of the best toys for your kids that are absolutely free.


Everyday objects—including your own self—make the best toys.

No matter what age your child may be, your attention and enthusiasm are more valuable than any toy.

Great toys trigger imagination, but many toys inhibit the imagination by prescribing one way to play.

Up Next

5 Things To Say To Yourself During Tough Parenting Times

Tough Parenting Times: Powerful Things To Say To Yourself

Staying calm when handling your children, especially when they’re throwing tantrums and are emotionally charged up, can be a tough task to deal with. Tough parenting times can sometimes take a toll on you, and in order to manage that effectively, these are the five things to say to yourself during tough parenting times. Let’s explore that, shall we?


When children cry, have a tantrum, or act up and it can’t be “fixed” right away, it’s easy for a parent to feel helpless.

People who feel helpless often act impulsively.

It’s powerful to assume that a child’s troubling behavior is an attempt at communication.

Up Next

How To Become A Better Father And Create Lasting Memories With Your Kids

How To Become A Better Father: Tips and Tricks

Wondering how to become a better father? It’s a question that has echoed through the ages, as fathers play a vital role in shaping the lives of their children. 

The journey of fatherhood is a unique and rewarding experience that requires patience, love, and a deep commitment to personal growth. Let us explore the essence of a good father and provide actionable tips on being a good father. 

Whether you are a new dad or have been on this journey for a while, this guide will serve as a compass to help you navigate the challenges and joys of fatherhood.

Who is a Good Father?

Up Next

When Your Grown Child Hurts Your Feelings: 9 Healing Strategies Every Parent Needs To Know

What To Do When Your Grown Child Hurts Your Feelings: Tips

As parents, we invest our hearts and souls into raising our children, nurturing them with love, support, and guidance. However, as they grow into mature adults and carve their own paths, the dynamics of our relationship inevitably change. When your grown child hurts your feelings, whether intentionally or unintentionally, it can often be difficult to cope with.

This can leave us feeling confused, saddened, and unsure about how to navigate these emotional challenges. So today let us take a look at what to do when your grown child hurts your feelings so that you can heal yourself and your relationships.

How It Feels When Your Grown Child Hurts Your Feelings

Imagine this: You’ve poured your he

Up Next

7 Ways To Heal From An Emotionally Unstable Mom

Emotionally Unstable Mom: Things That Can Help You Heal

Is you mother emotionally unstable? If you have an emotionally unstable mom, dealing with the effects of it can be challenging to say the least; it often leaves you with traumatic memories and complex emotions. However, you need to find ways to heal for your own emotional and mental well-being.

Explore 7 strategies that can greatly help you cope with an emotionally unstable mom.

Related: Raised By A Borderline Mother: Signs, Types, Effects, And How To Deal

Up Next

Bad Husband But Good Father? 8 Tips On How To Be A Better Dad And Husband 

Practical Tips on How to Be a Better Dad and Husband

Being married to a man who is a bad husband but a good father is a complex and challenging experience. It’s a situation where the joys and struggles of parenting coexist with the frustrations and disappointments of a strained marital relationship. So how to be a better dad and husband?

Today, we will try to gain a better understanding of the psyche of a bad husband but a good father and shed light on how you can encourage them to be both a better husband and father. Let’s dive in.

Who Exactly is a Bad Husband and Good Father?

A bad husband can be someone who falls short in their role as a partner. T