“Love is not simply giving; it is judicious giving and judicious withholding as well. It is judicious praising and judicious criticizing. It is judicious arguing, struggling, confronting, urging, pushing and pulling in addition to comforting. It is leadership. The word “judicious” means requiring judgment, and judgment requires more than instinct; it requires thoughtful and often painful decision making.”
– M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Travelled
Relationships like any any other area of life, require a balance of intellect and emotion.
The most common mistake that people make in relationships is that they get carried away by their instinct and emotion and totally forget to make use of their intellect and judgment.
And this pattern is exaggerated for women because they are wired differently than men. They see and interact with the world differently than men.
I have compiled a list of 10 biggest mistakes that women make in relationships.
1) You don’t know your own worth
Here are the truth ladies: If you don’t love and value yourself, it will reflect in your behavior big time.
Are you attracted to unavailable guys? Do you chase after them even after they don’t show any interest in you?
Do you shy away from putting your needs across or asking for what you want?
Do you put up with unacceptable behavior; hoping things would change for better some day?
If you answered yes to most of the above mentioned questions, then you my friend do not know your own worth and as a result, are engaging in self-sabotaging behavior.
And men are not blind to such behavior. No man likes or respects a woman who allows him to treat her shabbily.
Your lack of self-worth could stem from two fears: fear of not being good enough and fear of not being lovable.
Ironically, these two fears make you behave in ways that actually make you far from attractive and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And the only way to break the cycle is to get to know your worth, know what you deserve and to not put up with anything or anyone that doesn’t treat you with respect and love.
If you lose such a person who doesn’t treat you with love and respect, it is actually not a loss but a huge blessing.
“If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn’t walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don’t need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.”
― Don Miguel Ruiz, the Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
2) You stay more in your masculine energy
Everyone has both masculine and feminine energy within them, irrespective of the gender.
To be a balanced and evolved human being, one needs to balance these two energies.
But sometimes women in a bid to become successful at their careers or due to the pressure of being a single parent or sole provider of the family become more established in their masculine energy.
They are highly successful at their careers but they are not able to drop their masculine role and embrace their feminine energy even after they step out of their workplace.
The problem is that masculine energy comes across like you can do everything on your own whereas feminine energy is more about receptivity.
Men are wired to be the providers and problem solvers. They want to be your hero and serve you.
But if they sense that you are already an over achiever and don’t need him for anything, he will be uninspired to put in any efforts to pursue you or do things for you.
On the other hand, it can attract guys who want to be pampered and taken care of, without giving anything in the relationship and you definitely don’t want such an arrangement.
3) You don’t understand how men operate
It is pretty simple to deal with men if we understand how men are wired and how they operate.
Men are pretty simple creatures, they like to focus on one thing at a time and they are pretty straight forward. They like to be problem solvers and take great pride in being a protector and provider.
Men are prewired to serve women. If you know how to inspire and appreciate them, you can bring out the best in them.
4) You make him into a project to be fixed
Let’s just face it. No one likes to be a project to be fixed.
Nothing is more unattractive than being with a person who is constantly trying to change you.
While it’s ok to inspire someone to become a better person but if you want to change how someone looks or what their basic personality traits are, then you are not really honoring the essence of that person.
People like to be seen, heard, loved and appreciated for who they are.
If you have a huge list of things that you don’t like about him and you keep on complaining, poking, teasing or nagging him to change, then I have a question for you, why are you even with a person whom you don’t like for what he is?
Love is about unconditional love and acceptance and liking someone for who they are and not making someone into a project to be a fixed.
5) You are unappreciative and ungrateful for what men do for you
Another big turn off in relationships is when the other person is unappreciative or ungrateful for things their partner does for them.
If you are a woman, who feels entitled and thinks that men owe it to you, you would just keep on demanding things from them, without showing least bit of appreciation or gratefulness for what they do.
If anyone is giving you their undivided time and attention and trying to make you feel loved and special, it is because he loves and cares for you. He doesn’t owe you anything.
A relationship works on reciprocation, if you appreciate someone for the little things they do for you, they will be inspired to do more and not feel like all their efforts are wasted.