It’s a very popular notion that women are probably better at handling relationships than men because they are more emotionally mature and emotionally intelligent than men. But still, there are a few mistakes that women make that end up ruining their relationships for good.
“Love is not simply giving; it is judicious giving and judicious withholding as well. It is judicious praising and judicious criticizing. It is judicious arguing, struggling, confronting, urging, pushing, and pulling in addition to comforting. It is leadership. The word “judicious” means requiring judgment, and judgment requires more than instinct; it requires thoughtful and often painful decision making.” – M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Travelled
Relationships like any other area of life, require a balance of intellect and emotion. The most common mistake that people make in relationships is that they get carried away by their instinct and emotion and totally forget to make use of their intellect and judgment. And this pattern is exaggerated for women because they are wired differently than men. They see and interact with the world differently than men.
Here Are 10 Biggest Mistakes Women Make In Relationships
1) You don’t know your own worth.
Here are the truth ladies: If you don’t love and value yourself, it will reflect in your behavior big time. And this is one of the biggest mistakes women make in relationships.
Are you attracted to unavailable guys? Do you chase after them even after they don’t show any interest in you? Do you shy away from putting your needs across or asking for what you want? Do you put up with unacceptable behavior; hoping things would change for the better someday?
If you answered yes to most of the above-mentioned questions, then you, my friend do not know your own worth and as a result, are engaging in self-sabotaging behavior. And men are not blind to such behavior. No man likes or respects a woman who allows him to treat her shabbily.
Your lack of self-worth could stem from two fears: fear of not being good enough and fear of not being lovable.
Ironically, these two fears make you behave in ways that actually make you far from attractive and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And the only way to break the cycle is to get to know your worth, know what you deserve, and to not put up with anything or anyone that doesn’t treat you with respect and love. If you lose such a person who doesn’t treat you with love and respect, it is actually not a loss but a huge blessing.
“If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn’t walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don’t need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.” ― Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
2) You stay more in your masculine energy.
Everyone has both masculine and feminine energy within them, irrespective of gender. To be a balanced and evolved human being, one needs to balance these two energies.
But sometimes women in a bid to become successful at their careers or due to the pressure of being a single parent or sole provider of the family become more established in their masculine energy.
They are highly successful at their careers but they are not able to drop their masculine role and embrace their feminine energy even after they step out of their workplace.
The problem is that masculine energy comes across like you can do everything on your own whereas feminine energy is more about receptivity.
Men are wired to be the providers and problem solvers. They want to be your hero and serve you.
But if they sense that you are already an overachiever and don’t need him for anything, he will be uninspired to put in any efforts to pursue you or do things for you. On the other hand, it can attract guys who want to be pampered and taken care of, without giving anything in the relationship and you definitely don’t want such an arrangement.
3) You don’t understand how men operate.
It is pretty simple to deal with men if we understand how men are wired and how they operate.
Men are pretty simple creatures, they like to focus on one thing at a time and they are pretty straight forward. They like to be problem solvers and take great pride in being a protector and provider.
Men are prewired to serve women. If you know how to inspire and appreciate them, you can bring out the best in them.
4) You make him into a project to be fixed.
Let’s just face it. No one likes to be a project to be fixed. Nothing is more unattractive than being with a person who is constantly trying to change you.
While it’s ok to inspire someone to become a better person but if you want to change how someone looks or what their basic personality traits are, then you are not really honoring the essence of that person.
People like to be seen, heard, loved, and appreciated for who they are. If you have a huge list of things that you don’t like about him and you keep on complaining, poking, teasing, or nagging him to change, then I have a question for you, why are you even with a person whom you don’t like for what he is?
A happy relationship is about unconditional love and acceptance and liking someone for who they are and not making them into a project to be fixed.
5) You are unappreciative and ungrateful for what your partner does for you.
Another big turn off in relationships is when the other person is unappreciative or ungrateful for things their partner does for them.
If you are a woman, who feels entitled and thinks that your man owes it to you, and you would just keep on demanding things from them, without showing the least bit of appreciation or gratefulness for what they do, then you are doing making one of the biggest mistakes in relationships.
If someone is giving you their undivided time and attention and trying to make you feel loved and special, it is because he loves and cares for you. He doesn’t owe you anything.
A relationship works on reciprocation, if you appreciate someone for the little things they do for you, they will be inspired to do more and not feel like all their efforts are wasted.
6) You don’t own and share your gifts.
Masculine and feminine energy are wired differently and have different gifts to share. Masculine energy is wired to protect and provide and that is their innate gift. Feminine energy is wired to nurture and look after others, and that is their innate gift.
A relationship works well when both the genders acknowledge and own their gifts and share them openly and freely.
Love is about giving and not just taking. When you only think about what you can extract from a relationship and do not offer anything of value in return, you are coming from a lack mentality and you will neither feel loved nor will make the other person feel loved from that place of lack.
It will just be a co-dependent relationship full of drama, blame, and constant fights. If you want to build a happy and successful relationship, you need to be aware of your gifts and own them fully. And also find out the love language of your partner to figure out if he would be someone who would value the gifts you have to offer.
7) You create drama to put your point across.
Men are wired to be logical and take pride in being the solution providers. If you put across your point in a simple and straightforward manner, they will understand, but if you get all worked up and end up creating drama to put your point across, they will just get frustrated.
I understand that women are more emotionally wired but it really helps to take some time off when you are emotionally charged.
It is always a wise practice to process your emotions on your own and then sharing your thoughts with your partner in a logical manner rather than just blurting out everything that is going on in your head in the heat of the moment.
Creating drama may give you short-term relief from your inner pain but trust me it will just create bitterness and resentment in your relationship in the long run.
8) You don’t build intimacy or trust.
Men will consider you as a long term prospect only if you build trust in them that you have their genuine interests at heart and you have got their back.
Men want to be inspired to enact the role of a hero in your life. And they will go all out to protect and provide for you if they believe that you also truly have his best interest at heart. Men are also wired to crave respect and honor. If you want the relationship to be beautiful, please be careful not to hurt his respect or honor.
9) You try to label things too soon.
This is one of the most common mistakes that women make in relationships. They want to label things too fast and try to convince their men to put a ring on it just after a few dates.
Men are wired for freedom and for pursuing what they want. And also it is basic human nature to lose interest and pull back if someone is throwing themselves at you too quickly.
It does not mean that men do not want to commit or settle down. They just want to be sure that you are the one for whom they can give up their freedom and once they are convinced, they will do all they can to be with you.
So, sweetheart, no matter how much you love him or how badly you want to take things forward, don’t try to rush the process, let things fold organically.
10) You are looking for a relationship to make you feel whole and complete.
This is again one of the most common mistakes that women make in relationships. If you are looking for a man or a relationship to make you feel whole or complete, you are fighting for a lost cause. Love can never be a substitute for what you should be able to provide yourself.
You have to work on your personal development and work on becoming the best possible version of yourself, instead of running after people trying to convince them to love you. You can attract a healthy relationship only after you have done your inner work of healing and not come from a place of lack, fear, or insecurity.