The Reason Emotional Trauma Doesn’t Heal and How to Overcome It

 / 

,
emotional trauma

Have you ever wondered why it’s so difficult to heal emotional trauma? Well, believe it or not, unhealed emotional trauma is usually not the result of a past event, nor another person’s abusive actions, but, rather, the result of what we do to ourselves on a daily basis.

The Wrong Approach 

In response to emotional trauma, it’s common to protect ourselves by shutting down and dissociating, but, over time, this can turn into chronic dissociation, which is simply a fancy way of describing self-abandonment. Whenever emotional trauma does not heal, self-abandonment is always the core wound.

Despite how it might seem or feel, no one can ever hurt us as deeply as we hurt ourselves, and, in fact, we can heal from external abuse, but we cannot heal from self-abandonment. By abandoning ourselves, we become emotionally fragmented, and once feeling “not whole,” we experience a pervasive sense that something is missing.

Abandonment of oneself is immeasurably worse than being victimized or rejected by the entire world. Not only is the emotional pain devastating, but self-abandonment also creates deep scars that can last a lifetime, and unlike other emotional wounds, time does not heal this wound!

Therefore, there’s no way around it; to feel like your whole self once again, you must stop abandoning yourself now – and it’s never too late!

Related: Self-Abandonment: 3 Ways You Are Abandoning Yourself

What Does It Mean To Abandon Yourself?

Here are some of the most common means of self-abandonment:

1. Holding disempowering beliefs about yourself, such as unworthiness, powerlessness, and victimhood.

2. Practicing chronic self-judgment, negative thinking, or suicidal ideation.

3. Hiding self-expression, denying your dreams and desires, or not speaking your truth.

4. Staying in a relationship or job past its expiration date, not trusting yourself to follow inner guidance, or practicing self-deprecation.

5. Abusing your body by ingesting toxins or not giving yourself proper nutrition, rest, movement, sleep, nurturing, etc…

6. Compromising your integrity by doing things you don’t want to do, making choices out of obligation or guilt, or putting yourself last to please others.

7. Suppressing your feelings, neglecting emotional needs, or allowing others to disrespect or abuse you.

Keep in mind that many of us were abandoning ourselves prior to trauma, and, in many cases, we learned it from our parents, and it’s been passed down from generation to generation. So, whether we realize it or not, trauma is often a physical manifestation of the feelings, beliefs, and behaviors we have toward ourselves.

How To Stop Abandoning Yourself?

Since the relationship you have with yourself sets the foundation for healing, you must stop abandoning yourself in all ways, and this means that healing requires a new paradigm of self-love and self-care.

Before anything else, your number one job is to take care of you, and, no doubt, this is impossible to do while abandoning yourself. Therefore, start listening to inner guidance, drop self-judgment, and give yourself the emotional needs you desire from others, such as acceptance, approval, appreciation, respect, etc…

Moreover, while releasing situations and relationships that no longer support you, speak your truth and practice self-expression, and as you carefully nurture your body, consciously choose to be here, and this means to choose life!

Since you first abandoned yourself when you disconnected from your feelings to “un-abandon” yourself, you must be willing to feel your feelings. Emotions surface to be released, but they can only be released through the process of feeling. And, last but not least, it’s essential to give up disempowering beliefs, such as unworthiness, powerlessness, and victimhood.

Although it might be common to abandon yourself when you’re afraid, confused, or not being who you want to be, make a conscious choice to stay connected. Therefore, when current issues arise, do not “turn on yourself” with self-judgment, damnation, or deprecation. Instead, listen to yourself, feel your feelings, speak your truth, and take a stand when appropriate, and be your own best friend.

During challenging experiences, you might say to yourself, “You’re doing the best you can, and no matter what feelings arise, I am here for you, and I will not abandon you!”

Don't Play The Victim

Remember To Save Your Past-Self!

The word “healing” means a return to wholeness, and this means that, in order to heal, you must embody your whole self.

If you abandon any aspect of yourself, for any reason, healing is prolonged. Therefore, even if you practice self-love diligently, as long as you judge your past-self, or your memories induce shame, you are still abandoning yourself (this includes your past self who experienced trauma as well as any version of your past-self).

Since you cannot fool your subconscious mind, you cannot feel good about your current self while pretending your past-self is damaged or separate.

The problem is not that you abandoned yourself at the time of trauma. The problem is that you keep doing it! Therefore, to fully heal, you must save your past-self from abandonment. Since the subconscious mind does not know the difference between past and present, nor real and imagined, you can mentally go back in time and embrace your past-self with love and compassion.

However, it can be difficult to save your past-self when traumatic memories make you cringe or you judge your past-self for the things you did – or didn’t’ do. When this is the case, it’s time for greater understanding.

So, let’s be honest; if you now have the wisdom to do things differently, and make better choices, you owe it to your past-self.

Related: The Healing Power of Telling Your Trauma Story

Forgiving 

No matter the mistakes or errors in judgment, your past-self not only survived pain and trauma but he/she also forged the path that you walked. Despite the fear, shame, loneliness, and even lack of support, your past-self not only endured difficult experiences, your past-self learned from those experiences and evolved into who you are today.

So, forget about forgiving your past-self because there’s absolutely nothing to forgive.

Instead, why not celebrate triumph over trauma by acknowledging the everlasting gifts, lessons, and opportunities, and start seeing your past-self in a different light? Although we might need to search quite deep before we find the treasures born from trauma, they always exist.

Indeed, a perfect pearl may reside in an ugly shell, but, if you don’t open it, you’ll never find it.

Healing
Healing from emotional trauma

So, Who Would You Be Today Without Your Past-Self?

Maybe, for instance; by facing adversity, you developed strength, by speaking your truth, you found your voice, by taking responsibility, you became independent, or, just, maybe, by overcoming powerlessness, you became empowered!

By expressing gratitude for the arduous journey endured and the priceless gifts received, your past-self receives your unconditional love, and, no doubt, when it comes to healing, self-love is the ultimate cure!

With love, grace & gratitude,
Nanice

Copyright: Nanice Ellis 2019. All rights reserved


Written by Nanice Ellis
Originally appeared in Wakeup World
The Reason Emotional Trauma Doesn’t Heal and How to Overcome It
The Reason Emotional Trauma Doesn’t Heal and How to Overcome It
emotional trauma pinop
emotional trauma pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Responses

  1. Victoria Avatar
    Victoria

    Hey I am so glad I found this website. These articles have helped me tremendously

Leave a Reply



Up Next

Man vs Bear Debate: What is the Right Choice for Women?

Man vs Bear Debate: Is It Safe To Choose a Bear Over Man?

Even though Leonardo Di Caprio has proven that men can beat a bear in strength and intelligence, let’s not get carried away and remember that a bear can be more powerful than men. You can guess that we are here to discuss why women chose bear in the man vs bear debate.

The real question is, what threatens women more? Getting mauled by a bear and meeting a horrific death or getting violated by a man??

Women are inclined to the second option in the viral Man vs Bear debate.



Up Next

10 Warning Signs Of Abandonment Issues In Adults And How To Heal From The Pain

Warning Signs Of Abandonment Issues In Adults

Imagine you are sitting in a bustling coffee shop surrounded by lively conversations, and laughter filling the air. There’s a group of people that catches your eye. They seem to radiate an invisible energy, an unspoken longing for reassurance and connection. Welcome to the world of adults struggling with abandonment issues. Today, we are going to talk about the signs of abandonment issues in adults.

We’ve all heard the phrase “abandonment issues” tossed around, but what does it really mean for grown-ups? They are actually the hidden battles that play out beneath the surface, and which end up shaping your emotions, relationships and self-perception.

Let’s explore some of the biggest signs of abandonment issues in adults, and how the fear of abandonment influences their lives.



Up Next

6 Signs Of High Functioning PTSD: The Silent Battle Within

Signs Of High Functioning PTSD: The Silent Battle Within

You must have heard of high functioning anxiety, and just like that, high functioning PTSD or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is also a thing. And understanding what it is, is very important for understanding how complex trauma can be. Well, what is high functioning PTSD?

High functioning PTSD is a form of post-traumatic stress disorder that often goes unnoticed because those affected by it seem to have it all together on the surface. But beneath that seemingly calm exterior, the battle rages on.

Today, we are going to explore six important signs that are going to help you identify if you or someone you know is dealing with high functioning PTSD. So, let’s begin, shall we?

Related:



Up Next

7 Telltale Signs Of Unresolved Trauma: Recognizing The Invisible Scars

Telltale Signs Of Unresolved Trauma

Have you ever felt like you’re carrying a weight but you don’t know how it got there? And this heavy feeling is always showing up in unexpected ways. The thing is all of us have had experiences that have changed us in many ways, but the scars still remain. I am talking about unresolved trauma and the signs of unresolved trauma.

Most of the time, it’s easy to ignore or suppress what we feel emotionally, however, but ignoring the signs of unresolved emotional trauma will lead to more problems in the future.

Let’s take a closer look at the seven glaring signs that are telling you that it’s high time you take som



Up Next

How To Help A Grieving Loved One: Embracing Empathy

How To Help A Grieving Loved One: Embracing Empathy

When you see someone you love grieving, it can hit hard, and might even make you feel helpless. If your intention is to support a grieving loved one, then you have come to the right place. This article is going to talk about how to help a grieving loved one, and helping someone who is grieving.

KEY POINTS

It’s natural to want to make a grieving loved one “feel better,” but the task should be to help them feel less isolated.

Some well-meaning statements can cause feelings of isolation for those experiencing grief.

It’s important to show grieving loved ones caring, presen



Up Next

What Is Enmeshment Trauma? Understanding The Depths And Impact Of Emotional Entanglement

What Is Enmeshment Trauma? Ways To Break Free

Are you over-burdened by the needs, desires, expectations and emotions of people around you? Do setting healthy and strong boundaries feel impossible for you? If so, you may be experiencing enmeshment trauma. But what is enmeshment trauma and how to heal enmeshment trauma? Let’s find out.

What is Enmeshment Trauma?

Enmeshment trauma is a psychological condition that arises from extreme closeness and blurred boundaries in relationships, making you feel overwhelmed and detached from your own self. 

It is a form of psychological distress caused by an unhealthy relationship where there is no individuality. It usually



Up Next

How To Deal With Trauma Triggers In A Relationship: 6 Strategies for Healing and Connection

How To Deal With Trauma Triggers In A Relationship: Tips

Ever felt extremely emotional or overwhelmed while interacting with your partner? Do you feel distant or exhausted by specific situations and behaviors of loved ones? Trauma triggers in a relationship can severely affect the emotional and mental health of both partners. That’s why it is crucial for you to learn how to deal with trauma triggers in a relationship.

Whether you are dating someone with relationship trauma or you are the one who is dealing with such emotional turmoil, understanding the interplay of trauma and relationships can help you better manage these triggers and build healthier and more positive relationships.

What are Trauma Triggers in a Relationship?