Sometimes you need to experience the worst of things to inculcate the capacity to embrace and value what is genuinely out of the world. Before I stepped into adulthood, I already had been in relationships which lasted for years. And at some point in those relationships, I believed I have found my perfect match, my soulmate. But those relationships ended on various grounds, one common ground being a lack of maturity on both of mine and my partner’s part. While I was a bit too impulsive and always looked for the next best person to be with while some of my casual, as well as committed relationships, have also been abusive ones. Either way, the separation was what looked the best sort of thing to do.
Then I stepped into adulthood and I fell in love. Wishing this time it works. Well, it did. It naturally did. I did not have to intentionally work it out, it effortlessly materialized into something I hoped and prayed for so long. After a long time I felt genuinely contented, and shall I say, truly happy. But alongside it taught me certain life-enhancing lessons that I would never learn through any casual relationship.
True love, feels and makes you act differently than casual relationships do.
You get to witness love from an altogether different viewpoint. The relationship flows smoothly and doesn’t get hard and burdensome. And why should it?
10 Lessons You Learn On Being In A Good Relationship:
Here are a few lessons I learned from being in a healthy relationship.
1. Admit your mistakes
Admitting one’s mistakes takes you a lot of work on your own self. Perfection is a lie. The more you seek it, the more you find flaws. So don’t forget that you are a human being and in no need to be right all the time. There might be times when you will make some horrible mistakes and mess things up. We all do. But what attitude you have about handling your mistakes makes all the difference.
Be forthcoming about it. Verbally admit your mistakes to your partner. Have you unintentionally hurt your partner? Tell him it was your fault but you didn’t mean it. It reflects that you prioritize ‘we’ before you prioritize ‘I’.
2. Inculcate trust on your partner
Know that your partner is not in a relationship with you with ulterior motives. If they have to backstab you every time you turn your back, and why will they do so much for you? And why would you be with such a person?
Initially, start with trusting your partner. It’s not a lie that trust is the strongest foundation of a lasting relationship. If you notice something out of the place later through the relationship, you can discuss that with your partner. Trust ensures your mental peace and also the security of the relationship.
3. Learn to apologize
Sometimes putting your ego aside, admitting to your fault and apologizing takes a lot of courage. Once you try it, you will know what I am talking about. When you are apologizing to your partner for your mistake, you are not doing it for him/her, you are actually doing it for yourself.
Apologizing takes away the burden of guilt. It means that you have consciously accepted the fact that you have done something wrong and now you are ready to mend things. Genuinely apologizing alongside changed behavior enures a smooth flow in the relationship.
4. Know that misunderstandings are inevitable
There is probably not one relationship out there without some sorts of misunderstandings. When two people interact, they do so with a distinct mental set and value system. Misunderstandings are sure to follow because of two reasons, firstly, because we are often so engrossed in our mental frame that we forget to consider the perspective of the other person, and secondly because we interpret information coming from the other end in our own special way, most of the times in ways the speaker never meant. Take it in your stride that misunderstandings in a relationship are unavoidable. It’s better to wipe it under the rug and stay laid back about it.
5. Encourage and accept growth and change
A good relationship teaches you how two people can team up to conquer the world. Even though familiarity might seem cozy, but this should not stop you from letting your partner embrace change that they are capable of. If your partner needs to move to a different city for work, things might become really difficult to handle at home but this should not push you to stop your partner from catching his/her dreams. Discover your partner’s potential and encourage him/her to pursue that even if he/she is skeptical about it. Be the inspiration and support in their journey just they are to yours.
6. Know that your ability to compromise is your strength
Compromising is not your weakness. It does not mean ‘giving in’. It sure is difficult but is one key to happy relationships. ‘My way or the highway’ is a good philosophy outside of your precious relationship.
You will be tempted to keep sticking to your views and dumping your partner’s opinions because why not? Your opinion seems right and makes sense. Remove yourself from the argument and look at the situation with a neutral mindset. What is your logical conclusion?
Know that your partner can also be right, besides yourself. So admit it if your partner is right or modify both of your opinions to reach a middle ground. Compromising will help your relationship grow as a team.
7. Express your emotions
Expressing your emotions before your partner does not make you vulnerable, helpless, or weak. This message is especially for men. Your partner is not a mind reader and will often not notice that you are hiding your emotions. What you need to do is drag them when they are free, make them sit down and speak about how you feel. Tell them if you are mad, sad, happy, excited, and everything else. They will surely comply. So should you. Ever hugged your partner while crying?
If you don’t answer to each other’s emotional calls then who will? Expressing feelings also enhances connectivity and strengthens the relationship.
8. Your partner or you do not need to be fixed but accepted
Everyone has some parts of them broken and scarred. And that is what makes them who they are. If you try to remove that baggage from your partner’s past, you are concurrently rejecting a huge part of what makes them unique. You have to accept their past and not be harsh on them for it. They made mistakes as you did too, and those do not define your partner in the present. Believe in the ability of a person to change positively. Accept what they are in the present and love them for it.
9. Forgive and let go of bitterness
Whenever you fight with your partner, do not look forward to winning. Always remember you both are on one side and the issue is on the other side. If you win, you both win against the issue. Learn from each fight, and arguments and implement the knowledge later when trouble arrives again.
If you let the resentment and grudge build inside of you, you will basically fight a battle with yourself every day. Let go for your own sake and for the overall well being of the relationship.
10. Cut down on expectations
When you don’t expect your partner to do anything for you, but they end up doing things for you, you feel utterly satisfied. So, the golden rule is to never expect. Keep doing your duties and once in a while if they surprise you with helping you do the dishes, by cooking you a nice dish, booking tickets for the holidays, you would be overwhelmed with joy.
Unrealistic expectations when left unfulfilled will give rise to feelings of disheartenment and your relationship will turn more unsatisfactory.
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