Flaunt your survivor status
“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.” says Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’
The words very beautifully explain the importance and sense of spending a peaceful life alone than slow poisoning yourself in that unsuccessful marriage which has no future.
It feels good to encounter people who are survivors and listen to them talk about getting over a bad relationship instead of being stigmatized as a loser.
Getting a divorce might seem a very selfish act but believe me when I say that a woman is forced to take this step when her patience reaches the saturation point. She is left with no other option but to choose her happiness before everything else. As Elizabeth Gilbert very fondly says “The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.”
Marriage is a very exalted concept adorned with hopes and wishes. Once you fall truly in love, it is hard to give up on the special ‘someone’ in your life. In case you have children, the tendency to compromise with the situation increases. But you cannot stick to the notion of ‘forever after’ when the ship seems to be sinking. Rescuing yourself and your children is the call of the hour. This is not giving up – it is called ‘survival’.
Self- love, which if allowed to overpower every other feeling of concern, attachment and love, can lead to more sorted situations. Yes! The bond with the loved one seems unbreakable. Social stigmas make it even worse but then there is the question of your happiness and being selfish about certain things is not as bad as all that.
Elizabeth demands the perception of the people towards divorce to change into the following words- “I’m choosing happiness over suffering, I know I am. I’m making space for the unknown future to fill up my life with yet-to-come surprises.”
Not paying required attention towards unsettling situations can only worsen the relationship equations with every passing day.
It is not so bad to free yourself from daily torture and listen to the inner voice of your conscience. No relationship is more important than the one with your soul. The screaming and shouting of your heart and mind need to be paid heed to. In the words of Elizabeth, “Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.” Hence, it might appear impossible to move on from the person whom you considered your soul mate. It might traumatize you for some days, the insecurities and fears of being left alone in the world might haunt you, family and friends might hold back their support but “It all goes away. Eventually, everything goes away.”
Do not fear the post action scenario. The phase following the divorce can be the roughest. A strong support system is the only help that will make it easier for you to survive these hardships. Speak your heart out whenever you can. Let the volcano of aggression, frustration and irritation within you, burst. Finding a person who can lend you an ear instead of giving you relationship and survival advices, is what can lessen the mental burden.
According to Gilbert, “We don’t realize that, somewhere within us all, there does exist a supreme self who is eternally at peace.” It is essential to explore that phase of your life. A destructive wedding might have never allowed you to have this all-important phase of introspection. The post-divorce phase would give you ample opportunities. As per the confessions of innumerable people, divorce ignited the passion and dreams within them once again. Emotionally you will be a more mature person who is difficult to hurt and not likely to fell prey to any unpleasant character. Self-dependence comes likewise.
Trusting people and tolerating them is something you can no longer associate yourself with and simultaneously you begin to strengthen and cherish the bond you have with the people you love and care about.
“Is it such a bad thing to live like this for just a little while? Just for a few months of one’s life, is it so awful to travel through time with no greater ambition than to find the next lovely meal? Or to learn how to speak a language for no higher purpose than that it pleases your ear to hear it? Or to nap in a garden, in a patch of sunlight, in the middle of the day, right next to your favorite fountain? And then to do it again the next day?” – asks Elizabeth Gilbert to all those people going through this phase.
Being single is a thousand times better than being with the wrong person.