7 Ways To Transform Clingy Insecurity Into a Superpower For Healthier Relationships

transform clingy insecurity into a superpower for healthier relationships

What Are Protest Behaviors?

The worst my thoughts became, the crazier I behaved. Since I couldn’t achieve my goal of gaining the security I needed in my relationship, I resorted to Protest Behavior. Protests behavior unhealthily protest the relationship connection in hopes of getting your partner’s attention.

Types Of Protest Behaviors

1. Excessive Efforts to Reconnect.

Such as calling, texting, emailing, desperately waiting for a phone call, or trying to “accidentally” run into your partner. I remember a day when I called my partner 9 times and texted her 22 times in the span of 5 hours during a workday in which she had meetings all day. She was mad, and I felt ashamed.

2. Pretending to be preoccupied when you’re not.

Such behaviors include saying you have plants when you don’t, acting busy or unapproachable even though you want to be approached, or ignoring phone calls because you want to “get back” at your partner.

3. Keeping a Scorecard.

People who keep score count the number of minutes it takes for their partner to return a text or call back, and then wait just as long to return the call or text. This also includes not leaving voice messages, or acting distant and waiting for your partner to make the first “make-up” move.

4. Acting Hostile.

Rolling eyes when your partner talks (AKA contempt), looking away for long periods of time, or getting up and leaving the room while the other person is talking (AKA Stonewalling).

5. Threatening to leave.

I would threaten to end my relationship in hopes that my partner would stop me from leaving and “prove” how much I mattered to her. The problem with this tactic is the other person may want to break up and so they may just end it.

Read: 3 Mind Games Insecure Men Play In Relationships

6. Trying to Make a Significant Other Jealous.

This may include talking about someone hitting on you, attending a singles event, or making plans with someone else with the sole intention of making your partner jealous. For example, I intentionally missed my partner’s soccer game and made up a story about walking around with a woman I met in a coffee shop.

This made my partner sick to her stomach and when I saw her reaction, I first thought, now you know what it feels like, and then as she started getting physically sick I felt disgusted with myself.

7. Exaggerating the Problem

Exaggerating the Problem and your distress, even unconsciously, to gain your partner’s attention.

8. Behaving in Childish and Excessively Needy Ways

Behaving in Childish and Excessively Needy Ways to emphasize your vulnerabilities, helplessness, and dependence, in hopes of receiving support and care.

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Kyle Benson

I've had the privilege of working with men and women on a wide range of relationship issues. I've helped individuals:Leave toxic relationships to find a healthy relationship that makes them feel calm, grateful for the person in their life, and deeply valued by their partner Close the emotional distance between partners so they feel deeply connected to each otherResolve relationship conflict, leading the couple to become closer and more loving than they ever thought imaginable Remove sexual anxiety to create intensely passionate and longer-lasting sexUse problems in the relationship as catalysts to help individuals grow into their highest potential (and become more awesome lovers)Our coaching sessions are tailored towards reaching solutions that improve your relationship quickly. Read more about my coaching programmes here, Relationship Coaching or Email me at Kyle@kylebenson.netView Author posts