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The Romantic Notion of a Soul Mate: Why True Soulmates Don’t Meet Our Every Wish And Need

Romantic Notion of Soulmate

The romantic notion of a soul mate is not necessarily an accurate one. Rather, your true soulmate is not here to meet every one of your wishes and needs, nor are they meant to.  

The Romantic Notion of a Soul Mate

Idealistic views carried over from our youth have us believing that a soulmate is someone who meets our every wish and needs. This definition which represents similar definitions found online reinforces our idealistic and naïve views.

“A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet — a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. As this connection develops over time, you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, that you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved anyone prior. Your soul mate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness, and happiness when you are around them. And when you are not around them, you are all that much more aware of the harshness of life, and how bonding with another person in this way is the most significant and satisfying thing you will experience in your lifetime. You are also all that much aware of the beauty in life because you have been given a great gift and will always be thankful.”

If you buy into this glossy, shiny definition of soul mate, you will miss out on experiencing the true meaning of soul mate.

Romantic Notion of a Soul Mate
Romantic Notion of a Soul Mate

Your True Soul Mate is Disguised as…

Many soulmates in your lifetime.

As you evolve, each soulmate meets you where you’re at. A soulmate is someone with whom you can be yourself but is not necessarily a perfect fit. A true soul mate is like a mirror, reflecting back to you, the aspects within yourself that are holding you back from being your wonderful and true self.

A soulmate influences you to change yourself in order to be your best so that you can live the life you’re meant to live.

When I was single, I considered myself a good catch and said I wanted to get married. I also thought being married was like being trapped and controlled. The universe kept bringing me good men that were non-committal, until one day, the universe brought me my now husband.

He was the impetus for me to ask myself,

“Which am I more committed to? Getting married or my fears about marriage?”

After much reflection, I realized that I had been more committed to my fears as evidenced by the non-committal men I attracted. It was then that I began to learn and believe that marriage is a place of freedom and support.

Related: 12 Things Your Soulmate Wants You To Know Before You Meet

How To Recognize Your Soul Mate

The universe brings you the right person based on where you’re at depending on your level of consciousness and where you need to grow the most. If you’re still working through many internal issues, the best person can come along and you won’t be able to have your ideal relationship with him.

If you’re waiting for the soulmate who meets your every wish and need, prepare yourself to be single for a very long time. If you’re open to the kind of soul mate I’ve described, understand that he may come in a different package. While you may feel happy and peaceful around him, you may also feel challenged to stretch yourself by growing in areas that don’t come naturally to you.

For instance, if you have a difficult time expressing yourself openly, your soulmate isn’t necessarily going to spoon-feed you with open communication. Instead, he will be willing to help you communicate more openly because he truly cares about you.

Romantic Notion of a Soul Mate
Romantic Notion of a Soul Mate
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Janet Ong Zimmerman

Janet Ong Zimmerman, founder of Love for Successful Women, mentors women are professionally successful yet still missing that deep and meaningful love. She helps them simplify love, so they can see things clearly and know what to do. Janet's gentle and introspective manner helps her clients feel at ease, confident and hopeful about love. Her own experience of marrying her soul mate later in life has reinforced her belief any woman, at any age, can have the love they desire. Janet wholeheartedly believes there is a special someone for every woman. Janet inspires women to open their hearts to the real meaning of love through her editorial contributions to Your Tango, eHarmony, and the Huffington Post Live. Your monthly guide to love is filled with insightful articles, inspirational resources and best practices that you can put into immediate use. You canread current and past issues here.View Author posts