Why Time Does Not Heal All Wounds


Why Time Doesnot heal All The wounds

“Grief is a most peculiar thing; we’re so helpless in the face of it. It’s like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it.” – Arthur Golden

The healing benefits of time don’t apply to us if we aren’t doing the work. “Time heals all wounds.” We hear this phrase time and time again, but I hadn’t really thought about how inaccurate it is until recently.

The reality about “time healing all wounds” is this: Unless we are truly willing to process our deeply rooted, irrational beliefs about ourselves (such as “I am not good enough,” or “I am unlovable”), time doesn’t do anything.

When I was in high school, two of my friends died in a car accident. Seven years later, after four years of sobriety, I began to actually feel the weight of that grief. I learned the hard way that we don’t actually flow through the stages of grief when we are in an active addiction. Time didn’t heal my grief; time just passed while I continued to drink it away.

In 2015, I decided that I needed to seek out good therapy. I say good because not all therapy is beneficial. I’ve heard countless stories about friends or patients seeking therapy for years and simply venting for an hour while their therapist listened. That. Is. Not. Therapy.

grief and time

I believe that therapy should be challenging, collaborative, and at times uncomfortable. It needs to be more than me hearing myself talk for an hour while someone listens with a blank expression on their face. (That’s just me, though.)

It was in therapy that I discovered an enormous amount of unresolved grief, childhood and adolescent trauma (which, of course, I had minimized), and a massive barrier that I had constructed between myself and genuine connection.

Related: 4 Steps To Have Hope In Hard Times

In the last five years of incredible therapy, I’ve uncovered so many more core underlying beliefs and complexes that I had no idea existed. My insight and awareness availed me nothing; I have my Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology and Master’s in clinical mental health counseling, but I still couldn’t make the connections on my own.

Over a decade after my first ever experience with rejection, I still am on the lookout for all coping behaviors, like seeking attention or putting my walls up. I have to continuously unlearn old patterns of thinking and acting on a daily basis, or else I so subtly sink back into them.

If one experienced trauma at age five, and they never dealt with it appropriately (with professional help), that trauma is still alive and well when they are 55. If I chose not to jump headfirst into my own emotional experiences and combat my fears with an open heart, there is no way I’d be able to be in a healthy relationship today.

The reality is this: Time doesn’t heal anything. Time presents us with the opportunity to bury our pain as deeply as we can.

The kicker, though, is that the pain will undeniably manifest in other destructive ways in our lives, even if we think there is no correlation. So if you’re sitting back, letting time go by so you can feel “better” about a certain experience, stop.

Maybe the point isn’t to feel better. Maybe the point is to feel. I challenge you to look inward, to lean into the discomfort, and to process your deepest and most vulnerable thoughts and feelings.

Make the most of your time. Create space to journal, to find a therapist, to confide in a close friend, or to pray. Allow yourself to speak to the part of you that hasn’t been heard, hasn’t been seen, and hasn’t been validated.

We all have parts of ourselves that have been buried so deeply that we’ve consciously forgotten that they are there. Subconsciously, though, they are running rampant.

I hope this article ruined your day. I hope it awakened you to a truth so deep that you’ve neglected to acknowledge it for years, or even decades. Because if you’re feeling that discomfort, that means I’ve touched something in you that didn’t want to be found. That means you’ve resonated with the words on this page, and your defense mechanisms are in full swing.

Related: The Five Stages Of Grief: Exploring The Kübler-Ross Model

Consider this your flashlight. Look inward.

And remember, be gentle with yourself.

Written By Hannah Rose
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today
Why Time Doesnot heal All The wounds PIN

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

6 Simple Steps To ‘Bless And Release’ The Past

'Bless And Release' The Past With Easy Steps

Pain and loss are inevitable companions in one’s journey through life. The mantra “bless and release” yields six transformative steps to heal and free oneself from emotional baggage.

When a relationship ends, we lose someone dear to us or our careers stutter, these are situations that can make us feel downcast and stuck.

But such brooding over the past only retards our path to recovery. On the other hand, adopting the “blessing and releasing” motto helps in finding solace and accepting life as it is.

Bless and Release Meaning

Up Next

Datsuzoku: The Japanese Philosophy For Breaking Free From Routine And Rediscovering Creativity

Datsuzoku: The Power of The Japanese philosophy for creativity

Do you feel creatively dried up? Do you feel a complete lack of creativity in your professional and personal life? If so, the Japanese concept of Datsuzoku may be just what you need to unlock your creative powers.

When you become stuck in routine life, it is likely that you will feel a lack or loss of creativity in your life as creativity does not emerge from a monotonous lifestyle. This is why it is crucial to incorporate Datsuzoku in daily life.

But exactly what is Datsuzoku? And how to practice Datsuzoku? It is a philosophy that has long been revered in Japanese culture for a long time. And by understanding Datsuzoku significance you can build a more creative and Zen lifestyle for yourself.

What is Datsuzoku?

Up Next

4 Steps To Open And Hopefully Change Someone’s Mind

How To Change Someone's Mind: Useful Pointers To Remember

If you want to change someone’s mind, there are a few things you need to remember. This article is going to talk about some of the best ways to influence someone’s mind, but in the right way. So, are you ready to explore how to change someone’s mind? Let’s go then!


Starting conversations with respectful curiosity can open someone’s mind without evoking their resistance.

Our brains are very protective of how we think. Arguing with someone activates the fight-or-flight response.

Practice summarizing key ideas people share so they feel heard before you ask if you can share your ideas.

Up Next

Are You Struggling To Manage Your Emotional Reactions? 3 Important Steps To Take

Managing Emotional Reactions: Effective Steps To Take

If you are someone who struggles to control or manage your emotional reactions, then you have come to the right place. This article is going to talk about some of the best things you can do when it comes to controlling emotional reactions or emotional reactivity.


Emotional reactions are based on mental habits you can change if you want to, believe you can, and can commit to the steps.

Even when you know a new mental habit will relieve your stress, you must consistently override your protective brain while forming the new habit.

Start with small steps so you can see your progress and celebrate your successes.

Up Next

The Philosophy Of Forgiveness: What Is True Forgiveness And How To Forgive People

What Is True Forgiveness? Tips on How To Forgive People

Have you ever held onto anger and resentment because someone did you dirty? Most of us often become trapped by the weight of bitterness and make wrong decisions that affect us more than it affects others. This is where true forgiveness comes in. But exactly what is true forgiveness?

There is a transformative power hidden within the philosophy of forgiveness. True forgiveness has the potential to liberate us from the chains of bitterness, allowing us to heal, grow, and rediscover the joy of living. 

Let’s explore the depths of what is true forgiveness and learn how to forgive people so that we can be liberated from the pain and bitterness.

What is True Forgiveness?

Up Next

How To Claim Your Strengths? 3 Steps to Embody Your Value and Strengths

How To Claim Your Strengths? Steps To Powerful Confidence

The secret to having a powerful inner confidence is knowing how to claim your strengths. It is only when you embody your value and strengths, you will be able to empower yourself and be the very best version of yourself.


There is a difference in inner and outer confidence. You must know and strengthen your sense of who you are.

Who you are is an evolving puzzle made of up multiple and contrasting pieces, not one static phrase.

When you can name and walk proudly with your strengths, you accept your weaknesses as a part of who you are.

I turned 20 in jail. I

Up Next

15 Relationship Check-In Questions For Couples To Deepen Their Intimacy

Important Relationship Check In Questions For Couples

Sometimes our lives get so busy that we forget about the people who are most important to us. That’s where relationship check in questions for couples come into play when we often lose sight of our relationships.

But what does “relationship check-in” mean?

Think about it as an arranged meeting when both partners sit down together for honest conversation about their relationship.

It is the time to synchronize, smooth out any wrinkles and express gratitude for each other. It might not sound sexy but this is everything else required in order to have healthy relationships.