8 Things You Have The Right To Expect From Your Relationship

Things You Have The Right To Expect

There are a few basic things that you have the right to expect from your relationship but you don’t. Here are 8 things you should know to save relationship misery.

KEY POINTS

In every romantic relationship, you have the right to expect certain “basics.”

Affection, compassion, respect, and consideration should be expected in a romantic relationship.

You should also expect your partner to share their time, interest, and generosity with you.

Sometimes it’s hard to know for sure what you can reasonably expect from your partner:

  • Should she return every text at the earliest opportunity?
  • Should he make time to hang out with you every weekend?
  • Should you split the bill 50-50 every time you go out?

But before you can resolve these specific questions, you need to establish the basics—the things you can ask, with confidence, from every relationship.

Following are 8 such “basics” you have a right to expect from every romantic relationship

1. Affection

Your partner may express this either in words, behavior, or both, but physical affection, such as hugging, kissing, back or foot rubs, or holding hands is especially important in romantic relationships. Your partner should like you as a person, and be able to demonstrate that in a way that reaches you.

2. Compassion

When you’re hurting, you have a right to expect your partner to be, in the words of Phil McGraw, “a soft place to fall.” He or she should be tender with you if you’re in pain. A partner’s not obligated to read your mind, or be “in it” with you. They don’t have to feel the same way you do. It just needs to matter to him or her that you feel bad.

Also read Soulmate Myths That Will Help You Find Your Soulmate

3. Respect

A good partner shows respect—for you as a person, and for your boundaries. Although he or she may disagree with you, there’s no name-calling or ridicule from a respectful partner, even in the name of “just teasing.” A respectful partner knows and admires your strengths, is gracious about your weaknesses—and doesn’t willfully engage in boundary violations.

8 Things You Have The Right To Expect From Your Relationship
8 Things You Have The Right To Expect From Your Relationship

4. Consideration

A considerate partner thinks about how his or her behavior affects you. They don’t have to give you everything you ask for, or do everything you want them to do, but they owe you the courtesy of considering things from your point of view. If a partner doesn’t do this, he or she is treating you like a pet rock that doesn’t need care or feeding. (And I know you’re not that…because rocks can’t read.)

5. Time

Every relationship is based on sharing at least some time together. It can’t always be helped if your partner has to be away. But if he or she rarely or never has time for you, or consistently rations the time you spend together, you might ask yourself how much more of your own time you’re willing to spend pursuing them.

6. Interest

It’s reasonable to expect your partner to have a greater interest in you than the average person. At least some of your activities, opinions, thoughts, feelings, etc. should hold his or her interest. A partner who isn’t interested in you as a person may be in the relationship just to avoid being alone—and you both deserve better than that.

7. Intimacy

Intimacy is not the same as sex. It means allowing yourself to be known, and wanting to really know your partner. More than just “Are you a morning person or a night person?” genuine intimacy is being familiar with each other’s emotional, vulnerable selves.

People Think That Intimacy Is About
8 Things You Have The Right To Expect From Your Relationship

Also read Your Love Style Based On Your Zodiac Sign

8. Generosity

A truly generous partner enjoys helping, soothing, or finding other ways to benefit you. Such a partner doesn’t necessarily give you material gifts or take you on fancy vacations. Giving oneself fully in relationship is the ultimate gift. To the extent that your partner offers you what’s on this list, they’re being generous.

Having the right to expect these things doesn’t mean you’ll always get them. It does mean that it’s okay for you to ask for them and that it’s okay for it to matter to you if they’re not available from your partner.

Of course, your partner can and should expect the same things from you: You might want to sit down together and talk about the items on this list that are most important to each of you and focus on addressing those first.

Please share this article with anyone who you may think will find it valuable and helpful.


Written by:Tina Gilbertson, LPC
Originally appeared on:Psychology Today
Republished with permission
Things-You-Have-the-Right-Expect-Pin
8 Things You Have The Right To Expect From Your Relationship
Things You Have The Right To Expect Pin
8 Things You Have The Right To Expect From Your Relationship
nv-author-image

Tina Gilbertson

Tina Gilbertson is a psychotherapist who specializes in supporting parents of estranged adult children and is the founder of the Reconnection Club, the essential online resource for parents of estranged adult children. She is the author of Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them and Reconnecting with Your Estranged Adult Child. Her weekly podcast is called The Reconnection Club Podcast. As an expert on relationships and communication, she's been featured in dozens of media outlets including Forbes,The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, and Fast Company. Tina holds a master's degree in counseling psychology, is licensed as an LPC in Colorado and Oregon, and is also a Board-Certified Telemental Health Provider, offering online therapy to clients in both states. Though her office is currently in Denver, she offers training and consulting all over the world.View Author posts