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3 Things You Should Never Say to Your Romantic Partner

Things Never Say Romantic Partner

3. “You’re acting just like your mother!” (or your father, or your Great Uncle Saul)

Unless you’re saying it in a complementary way (“You’re acting just like your mother who shows tremendous grace under pressure”), just don’t. Even if your declaration holds some truth, it is guaranteed to start a fight! A comment like this is below the belt and likely to trigger nothing but defensiveness in your partner.

Instead, describe the specific behavior your partner is exhibiting and talk about what that behavior stirs up within you. “You are raising your voice a lot right now. When you do that, I feel shut down and frustrated. It makes me want to pull away from you.”

Love is hard work and bumps in the road are 100% inevitable. The challenge is to figure out how to work together against the rough patch instead of against each other. When you’re feeling too angry to work together, it’s far braver to say, “I’m going to take a break. I love us too much to say something now that I will regret later.”

The climate between lovers is fragile, and comments like those featured above are guaranteed to shift the space between you and your partner toward greater distance and hostility.

See what happens when you think about your romantic relationship like a tomato plant, remembering that it’s your job (and your partner’s job) to do everything you can to create the conditions that yield maximal yumminess and growth.

*I have no clue about nitrogen, phosphorous, and potassium. I just googled “healthy soil conditions” because I needed an analogy. My gardening skills are woefully lacking, as evidenced by the 4 tomatoes and one oddly shaped cucumber that my daughter and I managed to harvest last summer.

Want to know more than the 3 things you should never say to your partner? Check this video out below!

Things you should never say to your partner

Written By Alexandra Solomon   
Originally Appeared On Dr. Alexandra Solomon
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3 Things You Should Never Say to Your Romantic Partner
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Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD

Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is a clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Northwestern University, a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, a regular contributor at Psychology Today, a popular resource on Instagram. the creator and leader of the Intimate Relationships 101 E-course, the host of the Reimagining Love podcast, and the author of Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want (February 2, 2020; New Harbinger) and Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want (2017; New Harbinger), which was featured on the TODAY show. She is an international speaker and teacher whose work has been featured on six continents. You can visit her online at dralexandrasolomon.com.View Author posts