The thing about being with a toxic partner is that, you know they are bad for you, but somehow you can’t bring yourself to cut them out of your life completely.
You’re with someone who causes you nothing but pain, so why stay?
To quote Dr. Phil: “If you choose the behavior of staying with a sick and destructive partner, then you choose the consequences of pain and suffering in your emotional life.”
Your partner erodes your confidence, shreds your self-esteem, nukes your energy and throws you into a dark depression.
But when you break off with him—he draws you back into a relationship with him with his sweet talk, makeup gifts, and pitiful pleas.
Regardless of what he promises, you know he will betray you again with his lying words and abusive behavior.
And yet—you forgive him and you continue the destructive cycle of honeymoon reconciliation, psychological or physical abuse from your partner and when you can no longer endure his maltreatment, you leave him.
You’re stronger than you realize.
Had my abusive fiancé not dumped me for another woman, I would have never realized my full potential.
When my fiancé and I broke up, I was emotionally crippled. I felt hollow, fearful, and heartbroken. I experienced a roller-coaster of painful emotions. One minute I wanted to beat him in the head with my high heel for his abuse and betrayal. The next minute I was paralyzed with grief over the loss of my relationship. My abandonment issues resurfaced. I was afraid that I couldn’t take care of myself and that I would never find a man who would truly love me. I was afraid of falling through the cracks and becoming a bag lady.
Related: How to Cut an Unhealthy Bond with Someone
Had my abusive fiancé not broken up with me, I would have never written my second and third books. I would have never had the opportunity to help women who struggle with low self-esteem issues. I would have lived my life under the thumb of a man who was narcissistic, controlling, and cuckoo.
The reality was: my abusive fiancé did for me what I couldn’t do for myself. He permanently severed our relationship and I got my life back.
Ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands, and ex-lovers know exactly what to say and do to woo you back into a relationship.
You broke up with your boyfriend or husband because he was withdrawn, neglectful and uncommunicative, or he cheated on you or was verbally or physically abusive.
You’re trying to get on with your life without him in it—and then suddenly, unexpectedly he calls you.
He knows your weak spots and he will play you like a banjo.
At first, it’s small talk—he’ll ask in his buttered-up voice, “How are you?” or “How’s work?”
You agree to have coffee with him, you know, just to “talk.” He knows if he can get you to talk to him, he can soften your heart and get you to have dinner and drinks with him.
You tell yourself you can handle it and before you know it, you sleep with him and you’re back in the worst relationship of your life.
And the cycle of abuse starts again.
If you truly want him out of your life him, you MUST block all communication.
- Don’t answer his phone calls.
- Don’t return his text messages or emails.
- Don’t open your door to his surprise visits to give him the opportunity to slither back into your life.
Otherwise, you will indefinitely prolong your heartbreak.
Written by Nancy Nichols Originally appeared on KnowItNancy.com
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