Lack of Communication in a Relationship Sometimes Lead to Divorce according to Studies

Lack of Communication in a Relationship Sometimes Lead to Divorce according to Studies

Are you aware of the fact that a lack of communication in a relationship can sometimes lead to divorce?

Nobody goes into a new marriage hoping that it will fail. Yet, even in 2019, many marriages are still ending in divorce. Why?

When you are feeling upset, angry, or have something on your mind, do you find it easy to come to your partner with your problems? The answer should undoubtedly be yes, yet one of the biggest culprits of a failed marriage is the lack of relationship communication
Communication is how couples express their feelings, deepen their marital friendship, build a rapport, and solve problems together. Without these essential skills, couples will be snowballing toward separation.

Here are some top studies that prove poor relationship communication can lead to divorce and what you can do about it.

 

1. Not Feeling Understood in your Relationship

Is communication really everything in marriage? In short, the answer is yes. One 2016 study tried to disprove this theory by checking in with newlywed couples four times over 36 months where their overall happiness and communication skills were tested.

The results proved that “more satisfied couples communicate more positively” – AKA, the happiest couples are the ones who know how to communicate.

When you can communicate with your spouse, you feel understood in your relationship. Your emotions are validated, respected, and cared for by your partner.

A lack of communication breeds distrust, self-doubt, and insecurity, which can be damaging to your bond.

A relationship cannot last if this essential element of relationship communication is missing in a marriage.

A lack of communication in a relationship can lead to divorce.

 

2. Inability to Fight Fair

When relationship communication falters, couples’ resort to unhealthy tactics to get their way during an argument.

Examples of unhealthy communication skills are as follows –

Using the ‘silent treatment’ to get your way or hurt your spouse
Interrupting your spouse when they are trying to speak to you
Playing on your phone during important discussions
Emotionally shutting off or being overly defensive when conversation topics become serious
Purposely belittling or disrespecting your spouse
Frequently going to bed angry
Having screaming matches with one another
Using violence (partner assault or throwing things across the room) as an outlet for frustration

Instead of letting these unhealthy behaviors crowd your ability to communicate, take a deep breath and refocus your intentions.
Here are some helpful tips to have better communication –

Be willing to open up and talk about your feelings.
Give your partner your undivided attention
Stay calm and collected and try hard to listen to your partner’s point of view
Have empathy
Look for ways to compromise
Say I’m sorry

Look at disagreements as an opportunity, rather than a hindrance.
See this as a chance to come together as a team and solve a problem together, instead of using it as an excuse to yell.

 

3. No Communication = Bad Sex Life

Sex isn’t everything in a marriage, but it is a pretty significant part of your relationship. It determines how close, trusting, and happy you will be together.

Communication also plays a key role in how happy you are and how satisfying your sex life is going to be. Research proves that sexual communication is positively associated with sexual satisfaction and increased orgasm frequency in women.

The study also observes that both men and women were happier in general when they were able to speak to one another openly.

This is an important fact, as marital satisfaction is significantly associated with sexual satisfaction.

When we intimate with a partner, our bodies release a hormone called oxytocin. This “love drug” is responsible for emotional bonding with a partner as well as a significant reduction in stress. Being regularly intimate with a spouse also boosts a couple’s love and liking for one another.

    6 Communication Strategies Of Happy Couples in Relationships

    6 Communication Strategies All Happy Couples Practice in Their Relationship

    Communication is key when it comes to relationships. It is the backbone of your relationship.

    Learning how to communicate more with your spouse is the most important effort you can make to keep your marriage happy and secure. And the sooner you start, the more effortless your communication will feel.

    Everything about relationships seems to come back to communication. There’s the verbal, the non-verbal, the implied, the assumed, and the implicit.

    1. Identify and support your spouse’s communication style

    Regardless of who’s from what planet, it’s no secret that men and women communicate differently. Men take turns, and women weave and overlap. Even body language differs between the sexes when communicating. And, contrary to popular opinion, men want to talk more than they do. Men crave intimate connection as much as women do. Apologies for stereotyping.

    If you want to learn how to communicate more with your spouse, embracing your different styles is an essential first step. It’s all too easy to hold out for a mini version of yourself instead of recognizing, supporting, and promoting your spouse’s communication style.

     

    2. Focus on positive, affirming communication to establish emotional safety

    Happy, healthy couples have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative behaviors. Instead of complaining, yelling and getting angry, they validate, affirm, compliment, and express appreciation, and physical affection.

    What does that have to do with figuring out how to communicate more with your spouse?

    Everything, actually.

    What it means is that happy couples look out for one another’s heart. They make it safe for one another to be themselves, and welcome and encourage that unique expression. Happy couples demonstrate acceptance of one another’s flaws, frailties, and quirks.

     

    3. If you want to know how to communicate more with your spouse, start with safety.

    The silence between you may be a sign of fear — fear of judgment, fear of retribution, fear of rejection. If you are committed to protecting your partner’s heart, you will make it clear that you’re not there to judge or belittle anything said.

     

    4. Make talking with your spouse a daily priority

    Couples often overlook the essential ingredient of communication: devoting time to talking and making it a top priority. When both spouses are working, and especially if they have children, they may feel lucky to say hello at the end of the day. Instead, aim for twenty to thirty distraction-free minutes every day just for talking with your spouse.

    When tough issues arise as they inevitably will, be mindful to carve out a specific time to talk, also, be wise and select the right time. Doing so is key to a successful outcome and affirms how much you value your partner and your relationship. Talking about dicey matters when you’re stressed, tired, or just plain busy is a recipe for disaster.

    Once you have established safety and set aside time to talk, you can learn how to communicate more with your spouse by adding a few more practices.

    12 Important Life Hacks To Improve Communication In Your Relationships

    12 Important Life Hacks To Improve Communication In Your Relationships

    If you are like most couples, despite your best efforts, you struggle with communicating in healthy and effective ways.

    And if you are like most couples, you have become frustrated (very!) at not only how the breakdown in communication continues to affect your relationship, but your difficulty making strategic and needed changes to get it back on track. I get it. We have all been there.

    Yet, despite feeling overwhelmed, I am here to tell you there are shortcuts or life hacks that can and will take your relationship from bad to good and from good to great even if both of you are stuck in sadness, anger, disappointment, and resentment. Now, let’s be honest. Making changes will be challenging but if you are reading this it’s because no doubt you want to do something different. You need to do something different. You want to get off the gerbil wheel and stop having never-ending, circular conversations that go nowhere. Fast. As this only makes you feel more defeated and thinking that things will never get better.

     

    To get to a happier and healthier place and work through the negative feelings you are experiencing, doing these things will help your relationship exponentially if you take the initial steps and decide that you really want to change your relationship communication.

     

    1.) Commitment rules.

    Make a commitment to yourself and your partner/spouse that you are going to start making individual changes. The best gift is if both of you are on the same page and want to make changes to improve the relationship. But the truth is, relationships change and grow with individual changes.

     

    2.) A soft start up.

    This is framed by asking, is this a good time to talk? If not, when would be a good time for both of us?

     

    3.) Create a safe space.

    Turning towards them as a way to bid for their time and attention helps people get connected. They feel like a team.

     

    4.) Decide that no ideas are bad ideas.

    The goal is to start the process of talking, listening, and resolving. This often means both people making suggestions to get to a better conclusion. Learn to listen and reflect so that your partner or spouse feels they are being heard. There is nothing more important than that feeling. It simply diffuses the tension. Let them know what they have to say is important even if you don’t agree.

     

    5.) No interruptions.

    Each person gets time to speak, with NO interruptions by the other person. No exception. If you struggle with this, get a pad of paper and write things down.

     

    6.) Monitor your tone and inflection.

    Being mean, snarky, rolling your eyes, being dramatic, demanding, and defensive will keep you and your relationship in ‘park.’ Is that what you really want or do you want to shift it to drive? Talk to them like you would a friend. Be kind even if the other person isn’t. Learn to bring your best self to every conversation.

     

    7.) Stop mind reading.

    Hey, it never works so don’t do it. Simple as that. Ask the questions in a way to understand your partner or spouse. Be invested in where they are. People who try to mind read are by and large, most of the time, wrong.

     

    8.) Sometimes agreeing to disagree is the option.

     

    9.) Decide do you have to make a decision now or can it wait?

    Meaning some things the time is more imminent. If it can wait, create shorter, exploratory conversations that will ultimately allow you to assess the situation in its entirety and come up with a resolution or decision. Just talk about the situation without thinking there has to be an immediate answer.

     

    10.) Reboot.

    Think about a conversation that ended up in an argument or fight and decide individually how you would have done things differently. This will allow you to take stock of your responsibility in the argument and listen to the other person. This is an amazing task to conquer because it really will help you make changes.

     

    11.) Tell your partner/spouse what YOU need in these situations.

    Not what you expect, but what you need. This will also allow you to listen to your partner/spouse as well. Being invested in yourself is critical as it will allow you to be better invested in your relationship.

    To the Couple With the Same Dreams but Different Timelines

    What to do when you and your partner is a couple with the same dream but you both are from different timelines?

    When we got engaged, we did our homework to help us prepare for marriage. We read articles. We talked to married friends. We asked each other all the questions. And even though we had talked extensively about each other’s dreams and thought we were on the same page, we weren’t. Not exactly.

    It has taken us a while to understand that although we share the same dreams, we don’t share the same timelines. In some ways that feels like we don’t share the same dreams at all. We’ve had to take a step back and intentionally dig into the specifics of how each of us sees our future.

    For example, we both want to own a home someday, but for David, it has always been a high priority. To him, owning a home is a first essential step toward all of his other dreams—starting a family, joining a community, and growing financially stable enough to enjoy more free time and leisure activities.

    Constantino wants to own a home too, but he isn’t tied to when or how it happens. Having lived for years in New York, he’s used to the cramped apartment lifestyle. To him, owning a home is a dream in the abstract.

    International travel, however, is a dream Constantino hoped to realize in the early years of our marriage. London, Lisbon, Paris, Prague. Constantino wants to see them all.

    We’re both pushing 40, and there are dozens of places we’d like to see together while we still have the stamina to backpack and travel ruggedly.

    David traveled much more in his youth than Constantino and doesn’t feel the same sense of urgency to go see the world. Although he loves to travel, David would prefer to spend time and resources becoming stable as a family. He not only sees travel as a dream but as a luxury, too.

    And we both want kids, but we haven’t talked deeply about the timing and how it would impact our other dreams. Getting married at an older age is wonderful in many ways, but it complicates timelines. There’s a fear we don’t talk about much: a growing realization that we may not get to realize every dream.

    How do couples work together when they have the same dreams but different timelines?

    The art of compromising

    Like so many aspects of the relationship, it requires compromise. To reach compromise, Dr. John Gottman says we must define our core needs and be willing to accept influence. What does this look like in practice?

    David’s core dream is to own a home, but he is flexible about when. He may agree to put off home ownership for another year so we have the money to take a big international trip.

    Constantino’s core dream is to see the world, but he may defer some of his travel destinations so that we can save up for a down payment on a house. He can also help David trim the budget so that there are more savings for us to reach our dreams faster, together.

    One thing we’re learning from this experience is to ask better questions. For example, the question “Do you want kids?” isn’t sufficient to get the answers to a such a complex and important topic.

    It needs to be followed up with: How many do you want? When do you want them? Would you consider adoption? How do you see us raising them as far as schooling, values, and religion?

    We both come from journalism backgrounds, so we’re well acquainted with the art of asking open-ended questions. We just haven’t been good about employing this technique in our marriage.

    We’re also coming to see that learning about the intricate details of each other’s dreams don’t happen in one conversation. Learning the depths of someone’s heart, where dreams reside, takes a lifetime.

    Dreams transform with time, and we have to be willing to adapt along with them. In our weekly State of the Union meeting, we’ve decided that from now on we won’t just talk about the state of our relationship—we’ll talk about the state of our dreams.

    Want to improve your marriage in 60 seconds or less? Over 40 years of research with thousands of couples has proven a simple fact: small things often can create big changes over time. Got a minute? Sign up here.

    4 Ways To Keep Your Relationship Together (Even When It’s Falling Apart)

    Ways you can keep your relationship together.

    Relationships, no matter how strong, are brittle. Sometimes the times get rough and it hits us hard.

    And in those hard moments, what we need is someone who clutch to our hands tight, someone who will be there with you through the storms of life.

    Falling head over heels for someone takes a minute or less and that is easy, what is difficult is staying in love, the commitment to forever be with them.

    When times aren’t easy we tend to become selfish, as they say when the chips are down, nothing works I your favor.
    Even in the strongest relationships, there will be difficulties and problem at some time, it’s just the question of when. We cannot avoid that but when the ball is in our court it’s we who decide how to play it. So preparation in advance can save a lot of emotional disasters.

    When the chips are down, don’t let the situation take control of you. You need to patient and understand that times are hard for both of you, let yourself in your partner’s shoe and try to see what they see. Treat them like you would want to be treated in these moments.

    It’s easier said than done, but if that love means anything to us we need to put on the efforts to save it. When times are hard, when one partner loses his job or there is some grief in the family, when things are falling apart, it’s really difficult to hold on. Nevertheless, we need to.

    How to hold on when your love is falling apart?

    1. Effective Communication

    In any relationship communication is the key, key to both enter and exit the door. You must communicate effectively to save your ship from sinking during the storms of life which have your relationship in the hold.

    Communication requires attention and efforts, there are few things we need to keep in mind while communicating if we are to hold on and not let our relationship fall apart

    Listen to what your partner has to say, ignore their tone and expression. They are going through hard times and are in turmoil of fear, anger and a lot of other vices and virtues. Listen to their cry of help behind the loud voices, maybe they are seeking for appreciation.

    Listen to understand what they have to say, they might even ask you a question but they don’t really need an answer, they need you to understand them, the situation they are going through.

    You don’t need to counter or defend, just listen to them and when they are done, you can take your turn. Be respectful while they talk, listen to them with attention and ask questions to clarify things.

     

    2. Be realistic when the time calls

    I prefer to be hopeless romantic over being a realist in any normal circumstances but when the winds are rough and time is really tough we need to see the world with realistic lenses.

    At difficult times your partner cannot fulfill their responsibility, there may be financial instability or physical illness. In times like this, you need to be together and divide the responsibilities.

    The times are hard and have changed but remember the love you once had for each other is still the same. Keep holding on to it and don’t let the hard times tear it down.

     

    3. Forgive without an apology and be patient

    Difficult times in a relationship are a test of the strength of the relationship. it can be the catalyst to strengthen the relationship or the venom that slowly drown your relationship in darkness.

    Be patience when your partner is going through hard times, instead of getting offended try to understand their situation. Anger and resentment will wreck your ship and in those difficult times, that can be the final nail in the coffin.

    Don’t focus on the negative things, let go of it trying to understand the situation and move on holding their hand tight. Shine bright in the darkness

    Don’t let the darkness of the difficult times take over you. Let your humor and compassion shine brightly. It’s difficult but let your sense of humor still have its place.

    7 Things All Men Need To Feel Connected In Love

    7 Things All Men Need To Feel Connected In Love

    Find out those few things that all men need to feel to stay connected with their partner.

    Humans are by nature egocentric so it is natural for women in relationships to focus on what they need and be expressive about when and where those needs are not being met.

    Communicating your needs can be an effective relationship practice when presented in a positive and proactive way.

    The reality is both men and women have needs. Men are human beings and need to feel loved just as much as women do.

    The difference is they ‘show up’ so differently than women that their needs often go unnoticed, are not understood, or are simply ignored.

    Society and their fathers have taught this generation of men to be strong and independent. To ‘suck it up,’ ‘don’t be a pussy;’ and the ultimate, to … ‘be a man!’

    Basically translated, these all mean ‘show no emotion,’ which makes expressing your needs and desires very difficult.

    So you do. You show up as a confident and strong man and stuff your emotions deep inside and you might even run like hell, using avoidance anytime something emotional arises, because you have not had the opportunity to openly and frequently flex your emotion muscle like women have.

    The result is a lack of understanding and connection in relationships between men and women.

    Men struggle with expressing and healing their emotional wounds. Women get frustrated with their perceived lack of ability to connect on an emotional level. This leads to separation of connection and relationship breakdown.

    When women need to express their emotion they talk, often to their girlfriends. Men, on the other hand, do not have that luxury.

    Men do not pull up a stool at the pub and say, ‘yeah dude, I feel kind of scared that my company is losing money ’or‘ I feel excited about my weekend getaway; I think she is the one.’

    But relationship success really comes down to one key thing. Your ability to recognize, appreciate and meet the needs of your partner.

    That takes effort from both parties. The more men can connect to, and accept and communicate their needs to their partner, the more deeply connected couples will become.

     

    Now I do not pretend to know everything about men, but I believe from my own experience and in working with many male clients that these seven tips are a good start.

    1. Space

    Men need time on their own to process information and feelings. When women provide this space, it allows the man to step forward.

    Women naturally want to decrease space to create a connection, which often makes men feel suffocated and overwhelmed.

    It is important for men to communicate that by having this space it makes them a better partner. I have heard many women complain about being ‘Golf Widows.’

    If she knows it feeds your souls, makes you a better partner and increases your quality of time together, you will get more time to play and meet your need for space.

    Make sure you tell her you cannot wait to see her after your round and her need for connection will also be satisfied.

    2. Affection

    Although men have been programmed to show up strong and be providers, they are still human and at their core have a need for affection.

    It’s not natural for boys to go from being cared for by their mothers to not needing any affection at all. Let her know you like to be touched, kissed, or that when she rubs your shoulders after a rough day, you feel loved.

    Under that confident, strong, and manly exterior is still the heart of a boy that needs to feel loved – and that is a really good thing!

     

    3. Respect

    Men work hard. The desire to excel and contribute is a natural part of their DNA. In order to achieve a sustainable loving relationship bond with a woman, it is critical that she respects him.

    Clearly, demanding respect is never an effective way to get it; however, acting with integrity, sharing values, building trust, and demonstrating respect for her is a great way to garner respect.

    2 Stupid Words …You Should Never Use In A Relationship

    2 Stupid Words ...You Should Never Use In A Relationship

    The reasons why conflicts arise in a relationship are numerous and varied. And while some of these reasons are more difficult to remedy than others …ALL of them can be remedied (if you know the root cause of that particular problem). This is why relationship counselling’s core aim mostly revolves around trying to find out the root cause of conflicts ….and then fix those root causes.

    But uncovering the root causes of the problem that is driving conflict and arguments in a relationship is only solving half the problem. The other half of the problem is solved by properly communicating with your partner in response to knowing the root causes of the problem. And this is why the particular WORDS you use when in conversation with your partner are so critical.

    What type of words should I use with my partner?

    More so than the kind of words you should use with your partner …is actually the kind of words you should NOT use. There are two words in particular you should not use as they have a tendency to unnecessarily escalate a disagreement in a relationship into a full blown conflict. These words are:

    1. “Always”:

    The word “always” has a tendency to evoke a defensive response (at best) and a retaliatory response (at worst) when used during a disagreement. Neither of these responses are conducive to a healthy relationship. So why does the word “always” cause such a response? The reality is no matter what accusation you throw at your partner, it is unlikely that it is ALWAYS true. For example; the statement “You always bring the car home empty on gas” might seem as though it is a true statement to you …but to your partner they will know that this statement is not ALWAYS true. Consequently, your partner will feel obliged to argue back and point out a situation when they brought it home full of gas or a situation where you yourself brought it home half-empty on gas. By using the word “always”, you’ve invited a defensive (or even retaliatory) response back on yourself and created an unnecessary argument for yourself. Very often the point you were trying to bring up with your partner gets lost because they will be able to demonstrate at least one instance in which your statement (whatever statement you make) is not ALWAYS true. 

     

    2. “Never”:

    This word works much like “always”. All it achieves is inviting an argument and adds fuel to the fire. It might seem like your partner “never” takes you out anywhere nice, but by using the word “never” you are inviting your partner to respond with a few instances (in their defense) of when they did take you somewhere nice in order to point out that your statement was false. Your argument was really that they don’t take you out often, but by phrasing it with the word “never” a needless argument has begun. There are clearer ways of bringing up a genuine problem you have in your relationship with your partner – just be smart in the way you phrase it. 

    With either of the above two words, all you do is set up a straw-man argument …which your partner will feel obliged to defend themselves against because in their own mind they will feel it is incorrect that they “always” do this or that and “never” do the other thing. Creating an argument and giving your partner an invitation to retaliate is never a good idea in a relationship and ultimately gets you nowhere …but only deeper in the mud.

    Did you notice something about this relationship tip?

    In this article, i haven’t told you what words to use in a conflict with your partner (as if those words were some kind of magic formula) that will fix everything. But rather, I told you what words NOT to use.

    This is critical.

    A lot of building a happy and contented relationship is not so much the things you do or say …but rather avoiding the exact things you should NOT do or say.  This is how you avoid a build-up of contempt in relationships. Happy couples are often simply smart couples in that they are clever enough to avoid doing or saying things they know would hurt their partner or unnecessarily annoy them.

    Yours Appreciatively,
    Signature
    John Alex Clark – Coach & NLP Practitioner
    For more information on relationship advice, check out John Alex Clarks website “RelationshipPsychology.com“.

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