If you do not stand up for yourself, nobody will.
I totally get it.
Sometimes, it’s easier to just go with the flow to avoid potential conflict. But if you let people walk all over you, I can almost guarantee you that you will decrease your feelings of self-worth.
That’s why you have to figure out how to stand up for yourself. If you don’t, you’re basically saying that other people are more important than you are which is obviously not true.
The thing is, most people often have a false assumption of what being assertive is. It’s not about being aggressive, or mean, or pushy. From my perspective, assertiveness means taking action towards what you believe in while respecting the rights of others.
It’s a balance between being confident and direct without being a total jerk. If you’re not exactly sure how to do that, let me share with you my best tips.
5 Tips On How To Stand Up For Yourself Without Being Rude:
1. Establish Your Boundaries
I’ve said this many times in the past and I’ll say it again. To get what you want, you have to know what you want.
That’s why self-awareness is so important if you want to become more assertive. You have to define things that are important to you.
If you’re not sure where to start, spend some time reflecting and making a mental note of what you like and don’t like. Begin the process of identifying your core values.
Start making a list of your preferences and put them in order of importance. Knowing your core values is helpful because you can use them as a filter especially when you’re faced with a difficult situation.
For example, I value ambition and positivity. So whenever I find myself around people who complain a lot and don’t take ownership of their own lives, I do my best to remove myself from that environment as quickly as possible. I also make sure to avoid being in that same situation in the future.
2. Get Some Perspective
Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, consider where the other person is coming from.
What do you think their thoughts and feelings might be? Take into account their situation and what’s going on in their lives.
It’s hard to get mad at somebody when you see things from their perspective.
If you’re not exactly sure where someone is at, you can simply just ask to get more information before you respond. Develop empathy and put yourself in another person’s situation.
You don’t need to agree with them, you just need to understand them. Be open to new ideas but don’t feel like you have to compromise your own values.
3. Stay Calm
It’s difficult to make any rational decision when you’re emotionally charged.
Nothing gets resolved when you’re angry and frustrated. As hard as it may seem, you have to train yourself to stay calm.
Whenever I’m in conflict with someone, I take deep breaths and if necessary, I reschedule difficult conversations during a time when I feel more clear-headed. Do whatever you can to delay your response when you’re feeling mad.
Getting angry can make you lose control of your emotional intelligence and is not a good way to stand or speak up for yourself. Doing this might lower the way you’re seen by whoever you are communicating with and won’t make them listen to you or take you seriously.
4. Avoid Attacking The Other Person
You can’t take responsibility for how other people feel because you don’t know what’s going on with them personally.
Not everyone is going to agree with you and you’re not going to agree with everyone and that’s okay.
Unless you know you’ve done something wrong, you shouldn’t feel bad for being assertive. But whatever you do, do not attack the person you’re in conflict with.
A good way to communicate when someone’s being confrontational is to talk about how certain things made you feel. Use “I” instead of “you” in conversation.