Outside of the bedroom, there are other ways to build mutual benefits. For instance, if you already have children with your partner, you and your partner can spend more family time with children. If you and your partner have built a business together, you can spend more time working together developing your business.
Having said that, it doesn’t mean mutual benefits can or should replace sexual intimacy in marriage but working on other areas of your marriage will certainly help to enhance connection.
Sign 3 – You and Your Partner Are Not Even Friends
This is the BIGGEST sign of a loveless marriage. Yes, you read that right.
If your marriage lacks emotional connection or intimacy, you can usually still fix it. However, if you and your spouse are not even friends, that’s a much bigger problem.
Let’s look at two scenarios in which the husband and wife are no longer friends.
- Anna and Ben were married for four years. The first year was exciting, positive and romantic. The second-year was okay. The third-year was boring and run-of-the-mill. The fourth-year was best characterized by basic conversations about logistics in life only, e.g. who would buy toilet paper on their way home tomorrow, who would send jackets to the dry cleaners, etc. In other words, they only talked to each other when they had to.
- Cynthia and David were married for five years and went into business together. The first two years were great. The final three years were terrible. They developed conflicts of interest financially; consequently, they basically became enemies in their business transactions.
These two couples were not even friends towards the end of their marriages. Hence, of course, they both felt like they were in loveless marriages.
How to cope with it?
Evaluate whether your marriage has the potential to give you what you want.
First and most importantly, you need to know exactly what you want from this marriage. Do you want love, intimacy or both? Do you want financial freedom or power? Sharing the same direction and values makes it easier to work together on your marriage.
Since you and your partner are not even friends in this scenario, I recommend you make two lists using the power of logic:
List 1 – pros of staying in this marriage
List 2 – cons of staying in this marriage.
When there are more pros than cons, you can stay in this marriage because there is something worth fighting for. But when there are more cons than pros, you no longer love your partner and don’t feel inclined toward working together to resolve your differences, leaving may be the better option.
You really need to weigh up those pros and cons because there are huge emotional and financial costs involved in ending a marriage, especially when children are involved.
Please note that not every marriage is meant to last forever. When you end a marriage, it doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage has failed. Honestly, your marriage has probably helped you in tremendous ways when you think about it.
For instance, when Anna and Ben got married, it was right for them at that time. They moved to the city together and started their new careers there. But as time went by, both Anna and Ben evolved and became different people. Their interests dramatically changed as they were growing into different directions. It doesn’t mean something must be wrong with them. It just means their marriage wasn’t right for them four years later.
Have a Shared Direction in Your Marriage
It’s important to have a shared direction in your marriage that you are both working toward.
When Cynthia and David got married, they didn’t have any conflict of interest. They actually had a very good time in the first two years of their marriage. They travelled the world together. But after David’s adult children from his first marriage became involved in his company, things became complicated in terms of finances. Consequently, ongoing conflicts of interest became an issue in their marriage.