Relationships are what gives our life meaning. Have you ever thought about how your life will be without any loved ones and not a single meaningful relationship? Lonely and scary, right? When we are with someone we love, and who love us back, it makes us feel special, fulfilled and complete.
However, if you want to have a meaningful relationship in your life, you need to nurture it every single day. You need to put in the effort every single day. Sustaining a relationship can sometimes be a hard task, as you are bound to have bad days. But you need to accept the good with the bad.
Other people are mirrors of our beliefs about yourself. When we’re unwilling to see our own reflection in the other person, the relationship becomes painful. To make a relationship work, above all, you need to work on yourself.
Sure enough, you also need to be crystal clear on what kind of person you want to be with and set your standards. Once you’ve met someone you love (and who meets your standards and values), then it’s mostly an inside job. Just like anything else in life.
Not every relationship is meant to last. Regardless of how long you stay together, you can enjoy the experience and use it as one of the greatest tools to grow faster. Each relationship is meant to teach us valuable lessons about ourselves.
Not all the lessons are joyful and easy. But all are important.
6 Key principles to make a relationship work
1. Love yourself first
I’m sorry to disappoint you, but if you don’t love yourself, your partner can’t help you with that. On the contrary, they’ll reflect your lack of self-love and self-confidence to you.
Many people go into relationships for the wrong reasons. They feel lonely, and they want someone to appreciate them because they don’t appreciate themselves. But as long as you want your partner to make you feel good about yourself, you push them away, and you’re even further from loving yourself.
“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”
The other person IS NEVER the source of your happiness and love.
You have to find it within yourself regardless if you’re in a relationship or not. This might be a harsh lesson, but it also gives you inner freedom. If you want to make a relationship work then focus on being the source of love for yourself first. If you don’t love yourself, you cannot expect that someone else could love you completely. It just doesn’t work this way. You only attract people who reflect you where you stand energetically.
2. Don’t lose yourself in the partner
When we find a partner, we feel so happy that it’s very easy to forget about what we want and need. We might compromise who we’re to spend more time with them. Longer into the relationship, we get used to doing things together. It makes sense. Everyone has been there.
But this is so dangerous for any relationship. When we let go of our hobbies, goals, and friends so we can spend more time together, we make the relationship co-dependent. And this will never work and last.
“It is one thing to lose people you love. It is another to lose yourself. That is a greater loss.” Donna Go
It’s vital to keep working on your dreams and to have the “ME time.” The ME time is your space when you do what YOU love. While doing what you love you recharge your batteries, and then you feel happier and share this happiness with your mate.
Therefore, it’s crucial for both of you. This is especially true for women. I have a saying: An unhappy woman means an unhappy relationship and family. Thus it’s not helping anyone when you’re all the time available and forget about the things that make your heart sing. Remember that a great relationship starts with you.
3. Take ownership of your own mess
Everyone has different experiences and beliefs. We carry our baggage of unhealed issues anywhere we go. But somehow strangely many of us expect that once we’re in a relationship, we can hand over our baggage to the other person, and they’ll help us carry it. So we blame the other person when things don’t go our way, or we don’t feel good.
“Don’t bother people for help without first trying to solve the problem yourself.” –Colin Powell
But the other person IS NOT the source of your issues. Yes, they trigger them, and sometimes very well, but they only mirror back to you any unhealed wounds so you can release them. We’ve all received some negative treatment from family, school, society, ex-partners, etc.