The first 6 months is the most crucial time in your relationship. This is when you start knowing each other and discover the depth of your feelings for one another. And once you realize you guys are compatible, then ‘BOOM’…magic happens. But things start waning after the first 6 months. So if you haven’t said “I love you” after 6 months of being together, then you might need to start thinking about moving on.
How “good enough” is the enemy of great love.
I have a simple theory about the world. The reason why more people aren’t ending up in wildly enthusiastic relationships is simply due to one thing: they’re not getting out of bad relationships soon enough. They stay in something “ok” for months and even years on end, preferring the safety of mediocrity to the angst of loneliness. In the end, they fail to make space in their lives for the right person because there’s no room.
In the creative arts, there is a saying: “Good is the enemy of great.” And I’d say the same applies to relationships. A “great” one won’t come your way unless you’re willing to pass on the ones that are merely “good.”
So this is a simple plea: demand strong feelings from your relationship. Demand awe and inspiration–not all the time, but at least with some regularity. Do. Not. Settle. If you’re not saying aloud (or at least to yourself) “I love you” to your mate in 6 months or less, hit the “next” button. Have the courage to believe that something better is out there. (Hell, I think you might even be able to know sooner than that, but I’m trying to be reasonable here.)
And I know some people take issue with this, saying they were dating three years (or more) before they truly fell in love, and now they’ve been together 40 years now, blah, blah, blah. And I don’t deny that can happen, too. But what happens a lot more often is people who are in limbo for years simply get married because they feel they can’t “waste” the 5 years they’ve been together by splitting up now, and instead go on to waste ten more miserable years together being in an incompatible relationship they don’t have the courage to get out of.
When true love strikes, it doesn’t take long to recognize it.
When everything clicks, there is very little doubt in your mind. Its laser-accurate clarity will envelope you. Calm you. Inspire you.
Now, this theory of high standards has to apply to yourself as well—don’t settle for a mediocre version of yourself if you want to attract an amazing mate. Be someone who chases their dreams, if you want that characteristic in your mate. Be someone who brings as much to the table as you expect from them. If you want someone who lives passionately, has an interesting, fulfilling career, has tons of hobbies, fills the room with their personality and inspires others through their actions, then you need to be that kind of person, too.
This is where many of us fall short. We settle for mediocrity in ourselves and yet expect to end up with Leonardo DiCaprio or Keira Knightley. The classic “double-standard.”
If the double standard doesn’t apply to you, it’s possible you have too much patience. No one wants to be too judgmental. Part of being an adult is being tolerant and accepting of others’ flaws. But many of us just stay in something “good” for too long, hoping it will eventually blossom into something mind-blowing. But it doesn’t. It just says “good.”
From what I’ve seen in couples who’ve found “the one,” it usually doesn’t take years to realize. It’s somewhat early – usually in the first year, and sometimes in the first few weeks.
If you’re the right kind of person, who’s done the necessary work on themselves, then you’ll know very quickly. Assuming they’re also worthy of you.