Why You Don’t Need Closure To Move On

Why You Don’t Need Closure To Move On

Why You Don’t Need Closure To Move On

People come to me a lot with what they believe is a serious need for closure in their relationships. They yearn for that sense of completion, that even if things didn’t end how they would have liked, that they gained something from it. And we want some way to prove it, dammit.

But the problem is: There’s no such thing as closure. 

Closure” is an excuse. 

The closure is an excuse to reach out. To have one more conversation. To give it one last-ditch effort to see if he even cares or if he really is that big of a :D. To know that all that time, effort, energy, lust, and like didn’t go to waste. To make yourself feel better about how things went down. To gain clarity on something that will most likely be eternally unclear. To be validated. To feel like you matter. To feel human.

To seek closure is to seek external validation. 

It’s another attempt to go outside yourself to try and find the answers you already know you have within, especially if—and this is most likely when you go a-searching—you don’t like the way those answers sound.

You see, you already got the closure. When he broke up with you. When he told you he couldn’t give you what you want. When you decided on the 19th time to stop talking to him because he was making you miserable. When he stopped calling. When all his red flags descended upon you in the beginning.

You have closure. You’ve had closure this whole time. You just don’t like how it feels. You don’t like how it sounded. You don’t like how quickly it happened. You needed more time. More time to process. More time to be a part of the decision. More time to get ok with what was happening and how you were supposed to deal with it going forward.

Sometimes it’s easier to rip the band-aid off. Sometimes, the band-aid gets ripped for you.

Let’s play a game. Let’s say you were to write that email, have that conversation, or have that final meet-up to talk about anything and everything your heart desires. To yell, scream, cry, question, and try to get an understanding of why and how and who and what and when. And, usually, to pinpoint that exact moment where maybe, just maybe, if you could have done this, that or the other, things would have turned out differently… [SPOILER ALERT: You couldn’t and they wouldn’t.]

Really think about it. Play it out in your head. You already know exactly what he’ll say and how he’ll respond. It will be the same stuff he’s been saying and the same response he’s been giving you. How do you feel after that talk? Better? Clearer? Energized? On cloud 9? I didn’t think so.

You feel just like you feel now. Only you’ve had to deal with seeing him again, hearing him again, reliving the pain of the initial letdown.

With or without the “closure” talk, the end result is the same. A closure talk isn’t going to change anything.

So ask yourself why you think you need this “closure.” And try, really try, to see if you can’t already give that to yourself without it. It’s not the easy way, but it’s the only way.


You May Also Like:

If You Haven’t Said ‘I Love You’ After 6 Months, Move On
Feeling Stuck? 6 Signs It’s Time To Move On With Your Life
6 Zodiac Signs That Find It Hard To Move On
5 Healthy Ways to Move On From a Relationship

Why You Don’t Need Closure To Move On
Why You Don’t Need Closure To Move On

— About the Author —

Responses

Older Comments
1 8 9 10

Leave a Reply



Up Next

9 Tactics To Trigger The Hero Instinct In A Man

Hero Instinct In A Man: Ways To Trigger Their Inner Hero

Do you know there’s a hero instinct in every man? If you want to unlock that side of your man then you have come to the right place. Today, we are going to talk about how to trigger the hero instinct in a man, and do it the right way.

From understanding their innate drive to protect and provide, to unraveling the mysteries of their emotional landscape, we will explore what is the hero instinct, and what does hero instinct in relationships look like.

So, ready to know more about this side to men? Let’s go then.

Related: How To Make Your Man Happy: 25+ Last Minute Gift Ideas For Him



Up Next

This Viral ‘Bird Test’ Can Predict If Your Relationship Will Last

Unique Bird Test: Can Your Romantic Relationship Pass It?

The “bird test” is a viral TikTok trend and it is a unique way of assessing reciprocation in relationships. So, are you ready to validate (or expose) your relationship? Let’s go!

As users evaluate their significant others with the “orange peel theory” — which measures how willing they are to do small favors for you — another concept has taken hold of the platform recently: the bird test relationship.

So, What Is The Bird Test For Relationships?



Up Next

How To Know If Someone Is Thinking Of You? 10 Psychological Signs

How To Know If Someone Is Thinking Of You? Psychic Signs

Have you ever had that weird feeling that someone is thinking about you, even when they’re not with you? It feels like a whisper in the back of your mind, a subtle but undeniable connection that transcends the physical distance between you two. So then how to know if someone is thinking of you, for sure?

The interesting thing is that, in this curious world of human psychology, there can be many fascinating and psychological signs someone is thinking of you; all you have to do is know what they are.

So, are you ready to do a deep dive into the world of mind-reading (well, sort of). Let’s explore 10 psychological signs someone is thinking of you.

Related:



Up Next

6 Minutes To Improve Your Relationship: How To Have Better Communication With Your Partner

Minutes To Improve Your Relationship?

If you are thinking about how to improve your relationship, then you have come to the right place. How to better communicate with your partner? Communication is crucial to building a healthy relationship, and this article is going to talk about that. Let’s explore how to have better communication with your partner.

KEY POINTS

The three keys to communication are speaking openly, listening empathically, and reflecting back.

We usually skip reflection, so the speaker does not know if they have been heard.

A simple practice of reflection can build this skill.

Does your par



Up Next

6 Key Psychological Truths About Dating Apps

Key Psychological Truths About Dating Apps

Online dating, dating apps, dating sites – all of these things have taken the world by storm and has made dating easier than before. Or has it? This article is going to delve deep into not just the world of online dating and dating sites, but will also talk about the psychological truths about dating apps.

As recently as 15 years ago, internet dating was popularly seen as — to put it delicately — something for losers. Sites like Match, JDate, and eHarmony were in their infancy; the whole idea of finding a partner on the Internet hadn’t really transcended its origins in the personals section of the newspaper.

But with the rise of the smartphone and GPS technology, online dating has lost this stigma and ballooned into a multi-billion-dollar industry. Nowadays, you can treat your cell phone like an all-day singles bar, swiping on Tinder



Up Next

6 Unconventional Relationship Choices That May Seem Weird, But They Do Work

Unconventional Relationship Choices That Actually Work

Unconventional relationship choices, huh? They’re like the hidden gems of the dating world, the rebels of romance, the quirks that keep love alive. Even though traditional relationships have their own appeal and charm, sometimes it’s the unconventional that brings some excitement into our lives.

From open relationships to living apart together, these relationship choices may be frowned upon, but for many people, these are the relationship choices that work the best for them. To each his own, you know.

Such non traditional relationships go against what most people think is normal, however, they show us that l



Up Next

7 Research Backed Relationship Remedies

Research Backed Relationship Remedies

When it comes to dealing with relationship problems, science can prove to be really helpful and can provide you with some substantial research-backed relationship remedies. This article is going to talk about some of the most effective and useful relationship remedies that can make a huge difference to your relationship.

You may think these should go without saying, but in my personal and professional experience, they have not.

7 Research Backed Relationship Remedies

1. Be Quick to Repair Injury

One day, my wife sensed my odd vibe, I didn’t like her asking, and it gr