When you are in a relationship for a long time, then chances are that it might feel boring after a point. So, what is the best thing that you can do to bring back that old excitement, and revive your boring relationship?
Esther Perel says that we need two things in relationships: stability — knowing your partner has your back, and desire.
Unfortunately, stability kills desire. Conversely, what creates desire? Risk.
In the beginning of a relationship, we have plenty of risk. What if you get your heart broken, what if the other person doesn’t like you as much as you like them? Is this the one? Are you wasting your time?
There is the thrill of the chase in the beginning stages of romance. It’s exciting and creates the butterflies, the intoxicating feeling of love. Love conquers all.
This new love high usually lasts 1 to 2 years and then we settle in and become comfortable in the stability of the relationship.
While stability is important and imperative to the success of a relationship, it’s not very exciting. We have a home to take care of and bills to pay. This isn’t the sexy side of being in relationship. We may not always agree on things which can cause additional stress and strain on the relationship too.
Is It Normal To Be Bored In A Relationship?
It’s completely normal to become bored at some point in your relationship and it’s not your fault.
We work hard to find the one. The person who completes us, then what? We live happily ever after in a blissful state of union of course. This is what we’ve learned from fairytales and Hollywood. Most of us were never taught how to maintain a relationship nor did we have great role models to show how to keep the romance and passion alive.
Unfortunately, this stuff isn’t taught in school and most of us didn’t receive a reference book for guidance. Although it probably should be with divorce rates in the US still hovering around 50%.
Why Do Relationships Get Boring And Lose Their Luster After Time?
At the beginning of a relationship, many times we put forth so much effort to woo our potential partner; planning activities, experiences, and even surprises for one another. We go to dinner and talk for hours because we have so much to share and learn about one another. We have engaging conversations about everything, inhaling, and soaking in the essence of one another.
Then life happens. We settle into our daily life and routines, maybe throw in a couple of kids and the busyness of life allows us to easily put our most important relationship on the back burner.
Date nights are now relegated to dinner and a movie if we make it out of the house at all. I get it, you’ve worked hard all week and planning a date night probably seems overwhelming and putting on your pj’s ordering take out and watching Netflix seems like the path of least resistance.
When the word date or dating is mentioned, most people conjure up images of single people who are dating and looking for that special someone. Rarely do we as society thinks beyond the fact that we should never stop dating our spouse or long-term partner.
The reason many relationships become routine and boring is that couples stop dating each other. It’s as simple as that.
Giving your relationship scraps of time can lead to its demise. In the beginning of a relationship, it’s very easy to be intentional but over time if you don’t pay attention to it, it’s easy to get into a relationship rut.