Many relationships fail to survive the test of time due to many reasons, with one being that you do not remain, the same person, you were when you got in the relationship. No matter how much you love your partner, it is incredibly important to keep certain other things in mind. If I could go back in time to when I was in my 20s, I would definitely give some valuable relationship advice to my younger self
I’ve been engaged, un-engaged, married, divorced, dumped, and every relationship stage in between. And through that process and the subsequent fallout, there are a few key things I wish I had known sooner — because it would have made my life a whole lot easier.
If I had a time machine, here are four key pieces of relationship advice I would go back and share with my younger self immediately.
1. You are in charge of your own happiness.
Someone else can’t bridge the gap, fill the void, or glue together the broken places inside you. Other people can go on the journey with you but they can’t provide anything you don’t give to yourself first.
The buck stops with you. Decide now to quit casting around for a lover to fix you give you a fix of any kind.
“To be happy you must be your own sunshine.” -C. E. Jerningham
You will not be much happier tomorrow even if they pledge their undying love, ravish you in bed, juggle the dishes over their heads, take out the trash, or detail your car. Anything a partner can do for you is short-lived in its ability to provide you with pleasure. Things lovers give and do for you are wonderful, but they are no substitute for providing your own emotional shelter.
If you aren’t happy, someone else cannot make you happy.
Actually, you have a greater chance of dragging someone else down with you if you try to have a relationship when you’re going through a crappy time or trying to find yourself. Sort yourself out first, then engage with other people.
2. Accept Other People Or Leave Them.
Trying to change the person you love is soul-destroying for both of you.
Consider this. When you try to change someone you love, you’re showing that they are not good enough just the way they are. You’ve taken the self-serving position that they need to be the one who changes and you’re going to help them do it.
It stings when people don’t accept you, right?
Treating someone else like a fix-it project is deeply harmful on so many levels. Often, it starts with some little thing that they do that annoys us. Over time, the criticism blossoms into something more widespread and insidious.
Soon, the disapproval and negativity will spread through the relationship like cancer. That’s why people don’t usually see it coming until one day, they feel like they’ve been dragged down by their partner’s total disapproval of them.
“Have a big enough heart to love unconditionally, and a broad enough mind to embrace the differences that make each of us unique.”-D.B. Harrop
We could ALL stand to be more accepting and allowing of others — especially people we love.
Dishing out criticism is deeply corrosive for you also. Over time, trying to change others turns you into a nagging, overbearing, angry person.
That’s why it’s high time to decide with me right now to stop forever trying to change your partner — in whatever form this tends to take for you. Your new choice is to leave them or accept who they are.
I’m not saying you should put up with abuse or not kindly negotiate about the dishes. I mean that it’s time to let the person you’re with be who they are — no half measures, no passive-aggressiveness.