3 Reasons To Worry Less About First Dates

Caitlin Cantor LCSW, CST, CGT

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Reasons Worry Less About First Dates

First date anxiety is real, whether you believe it or not, and that’s because with first dates you never really know what to expect. However, if you keep these few pointers in mind, you’ll have to worry less about first dates.

Key Points:

  • First dates are the lowest stakes of any point in a (potential) relationship.
  • No matter how comfortable you are on a first date, you don’t know the person and should proceed accordingly.
  • The only information about the future you get from first dates is whether or not you want a second date.

First dates don’t mean very much. There’s no need for all the pressure and anxiety.

You are meeting a total stranger (no matter how long you texted or spoke before you met, they are still a stranger). If the date isn’t fun and you never see them again, you lost about an hour or two of your time and nothing more.

You can’t know if the person is going to be right for you based on a first date. It takes a long time to know someone and to see if they’re for you. Even if it’s an amazing first date, it doesn’t mean anything about the future except that you’d like to go on a second date.

Related: 10 Things To Look For On A First Date

If you’re nervous and awkward or you say the wrong thing and someone doesn’t want to see you again, it’s no big deal as you didn’t know them anyway. Plus, that kind of judgment shows a lack of relational maturity. Who in relationships doesn’t say the wrong thing now and then? Who isn’t awkward at times? We all do and we all are, and it’s highly judgmental to eliminate someone on a first date because of this.

So, any way you spin it, first dates are the lowest stakes of any point in a (potential) relationship. That’s why it’s important to treat it as such.

3 Reasons to Worry Less About First Dates

1. Shift your mindset

Don’t go into the date looking to see if this could be “the one.” Instead, adopt a mindset of seeing if you’d like a second date. You can’t know if things could become more at this point. All you can know is if you want a second date. Don’t get ahead of yourself.

2. Oversharing

Making a first date a long experience and sharing a lot of personal things about yourself can lead to feeling a false sense of closeness and compatibility.

It’s easy to get ahead of yourself when you are vulnerable with someone and it feels nice. But remember, that doesn’t mean you’ll ever even see him again. He’s still a stranger.

Related: Top 5 Dating Mistakes Men Make On A First Date

3. Keeps it in perspective

Even if the date went well, there’s not that much to be excited about. Don’t go home and worry about this person. Don’t go tell everyone every detail. That makes the person bigger to you than they are.

how to worry less about first dates
3 Reasons To Worry Less About First Dates

It also makes it easier for you to start imagining and getting attached to the future that may never happen. Stay present with where you are: after the first date, do you want a second? That’s it.

Written By Caitlin Cantor
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today
Reasons Worry Less About First Dates pin
3 Reasons To Worry Less About First Dates

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— About the Author —

Caitlin Cantor LCSW, CST, CGT

Caitlin Cantor, LCSW, CST, is a licensed psychotherapist, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, a Certified Gestalt Therapist and relationship expert. For the past 10 years, she has been helping people with dating concerns, relationship difficulties, sexual dysfunctions and dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, depression and anxiety. She has a private practice in Philadelphia, PA. Caitlin Cantor, LCSW, CST, is a licensed psychotherapist, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, a Certified Gestalt Therapist and relationship expert. For the past 10 years, she has been helping people with dating concerns, relationship difficulties, sexual dysfunctions and dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, depression and anxiety. She has a private practice in Philadelphia, PA. After studying psychology and journalism at Lehigh University, she earned her master’s degree in clinical social work from Widener University. She later trained in sex therapy at Council For Relationships, and became an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. Most recently, she studied and trained at The Gestalt Therapy Training Institute of Philadelphia. She is also a Certified Divorce Mediator.

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