One of the best ways to strengthen your relationship, and make it healthier is by asking yourself a few important and introspective questions from time to time.
Relationships are important for a happy and fulfilling life. Loving someone with your whole heart and getting that love reciprocated, is one of the best feelings ever. Whether they admit it or not, every human being wants love in their lives, because having a loving partner gives you happiness like no other.
Once people get past the early romance phase of a relationship, it can start to run on autopilot to an unhealthy degree. In short, people stop paying quality attention. Both to their partner and to how they themselves are showing up in the relationship.
Fortunately, if you get better at asking the right questions, your relationship will improve rapidly as a result.
The following self-reflective questions, when asked honestly, will 10x the connection in your relationship in a matter of days. Ask yourself these questions, once every few months, and your relationship will always be improving.
12 Questions To Drastically Strengthen Your Relationship
1. How am I doing as a partner lately?
The first, and most important step, in this process is to become deeply honest with yourself.
Have you been phoning it in in your relationship as of late? Have you been taking them for granted, even to a small degree? The point here isn’t to wallow in guilt or make yourself overly wrong… it is simply to acknowledge your overall levels of prioritization of your relationship.
Have you been making a point of loving them in ways that make them feel loved? Touching them lots? Surprising them with dates? Carrying out tasks that make their life easier? Thanking them regularly for ways in which they make your life better? If not, it’s time to turn the trend around.
Your relationship will flourish to the extent that you invest energy into it, and you can only do that after you have gotten honest with yourself about the ways in which you have neglected to do so.
2. What do I arbitrarily withhold from my partner in our relationship?
Are there ways in which you withhold your energy from your partner? Either because you feel stretched thin with all of the responsibilities you have in life, or because, sometimes, you secretly feel like punishing them from a place of disowned anger?
Regardless of the root causes, this is something worth looking at.
Do you withhold sex or physical intimacy from your partner? Do you withhold your presence and/or willingness to listen to them talk about their day? Do you withhold financial resources by being the one who controls the cash flow and keeps your partner in the dark?
Whatever things you withhold from your partner, see if you can locate the reasons as to why you do so. And then reflect on whether or not those reasons are actually serving you, and if they might be worth questioning, and shifting to something more productive.
3. When was the last time I surprised my partner with something thoughtful?
Every person on the planet has the opposing needs of certainty and variety. In a long-term relationship, your certainty needs are inherently met to a high degree by simply having consistent access to your partner. But our needs for variety can often dwindle the longer we are in partnership (unless both parties are consistently putting energy into mitigating the entropy that can settle into a long-term partnership).
Variety is the spice of life and all that.
What are some ways that you could surprise your partner with things that register as love to them more often?
“Do what you did at the beginning of a relationship and there won’t be an end.”
One practice that I use, in my own life, is I have a running list of things that I want to eventually surprise my partner with. Currently, I have about forty things on my list, and my partner knows about none of them. Some of the things are gifts I know she will love. Other things are date nights. Other things are acts of service that I know will be appreciated.