Are You Passive-Aggressive in Your Relationship?

 / 

,
Are You Passive-Aggressive in Your Relationship

When in a relationship, do you tend to be passive-aggressive and give silent treatment when upset, instead of talking about your feelings?

Recognizing behavior flaws such as a passive-aggressive communication style in others, particularly your partner, is usually easier than acknowledging your own shortcomings. Countless people are hostile in passive ways, yet, many have no idea that their conduct could be described in such a manner.

You may be passive-aggressive if you sulk, conveniently forget to do things for a spouse you are upset with, or you are aware that you are exceedingly uncomfortable around anger.

If you are passive-aggressive, chances are it is damaging your marriage and other close relationships.

Silent Treatment is Emotionally Abusive

What is passive-aggressiveness?

Passive aggressiveness emerges as hostility that is not openly aired, at least not verbally.

Someone might “forget” to do something for a person they hold a hidden grudge against.  Alternatively, he or she may take a long time to perform such tasks, be late constantly, make faces behind someone’s back, or engage in a variety of other antagonistic behaviors. In close and intimate relationships such as marriage, a spouse might withhold affection, eye-roll and “huff and puff” instead of openly expressing anger. Alternatively, the spouse will make their partner’s life difficult in some other manner.

Passive-aggressiveness often arises in response to your partner’s demands and requests. Or, you are unhappy about some aspect of the relationship and are not directly expressing this.

Read 11 Signs It’s An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

What makes people passive-aggressive?

Much of the time, demonstrating hostility in such an indirect or complicated way stems from childhood. Children who are taught that anger is a terrible emotion or ridiculed when they reveal their temper, get the message that exhibiting strong emotions (such as anger) overtly is unacceptable.

Children then fail to learn how to adequately express feelings that they perceive as undesirable. Sometimes, even a belief that they are incompetent and imagine that they will not be taken seriously if they show anger. On other occasions, they may be afraid that their anger could spark rage from someone else, which they won’t be able to manage.  Expressing anger verbally is difficult for such individuals since they do not possess the necessary communication skills.

Does this sound like you?

If you think you may be passive-aggressive, do not panic! This does not make you “defective.”  Displaying hostility passively means you have not learned more efficient and effective ways of communicating.

And, let’s face it, your behavior does not usually afford you what you want.

Read 6 Steps To Disarm The Silent Treatment Without Making it Worse

Can you change the way you communicate?

While altering a life-long habit may not be an easy task, it is definitely possible – and well worth the effort – to develop assertive communication skills and learn how to handle anger effectively and express yourself.

The first step is to recognize the unhealthy behavior you display when you are angry. Each time you feel the urge to carry out similar practices in the future, stand back, and take inventory of your actions. Ask yourself whether there are alternate ways you could express how you feel that are likely to be beneficial and more readily get your needs met.

Telling your partner that you are angry and what is bothering you is a healthy way to respond.

There are positive ways to do so that do not involve blame. Begin by saying how his or her actions make you feel, and if relevant, how the behavior is detrimental to your well-being. Avoid shouting, swearing, accusing, and name-calling at all costs. Instead, begin sentences with “I” and follow with a factual description of why you feel hurt.

Poor communication patterns such as passive-aggressiveness are not that uncommon since many people act out their hostility rather than communicating verbally on occasion. Nevertheless, when doing so is repetitious, meaningful relationships—such as your marriage—can slowly crumble and break down. Learning how to express yourself in constructive ways can rebuild damaged relationships and prevent them from falling apart.

Do you need help with your assertive communication? As a couples therapist, I do this all the time! Feel free to reach out to me for help.

For many people, being passive-aggressive is a better option than indulging in a full-blown fight. You might feel that it is less draining to withdraw and not talk about the things that bother you. But festering emotions can create more problems than before, in your relationship. So instead of staying silent, talk about what hurt you or affected you and try to find out a solution together.


Written By Dr. Marni Feuerman
Originally Appeared In The Talking Solution
Republished with permission

Are you Passive Aggressive One In Your Relationship pin
Are You Passive-Aggressive in Your Relationship pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

How To Know If Someone Is Thinking Of You? 10 Psychological Signs

How To Know If Someone Is Thinking Of You? Psychic Signs

Have you ever had that weird feeling that someone is thinking about you, even when they’re not with you? It feels like a whisper in the back of your mind, a subtle but undeniable connection that transcends the physical distance between you two. So then how to know if someone is thinking of you, for sure?

The interesting thing is that, in this curious world of human psychology, there can be many fascinating and psychological signs someone is thinking of you; all you have to do is know what they are.

So, are you ready to do a deep dive into the world of mind-reading (well, sort of). Let’s explore 10 psychological signs someone is thinking of you.

Related:



Up Next

6 Minutes To Improve Your Relationship: How To Have Better Communication With Your Partner

Minutes To Improve Your Relationship?

If you are thinking about how to improve your relationship, then you have come to the right place. How to better communicate with your partner? Communication is crucial to building a healthy relationship, and this article is going to talk about that. Let’s explore how to have better communication with your partner.

KEY POINTS

The three keys to communication are speaking openly, listening empathically, and reflecting back.

We usually skip reflection, so the speaker does not know if they have been heard.

A simple practice of reflection can build this skill.

Does your par



Up Next

6 Key Psychological Truths About Dating Apps

Key Psychological Truths About Dating Apps

Online dating, dating apps, dating sites – all of these things have taken the world by storm and has made dating easier than before. Or has it? This article is going to delve deep into not just the world of online dating and dating sites, but will also talk about the psychological truths about dating apps.

As recently as 15 years ago, internet dating was popularly seen as — to put it delicately — something for losers. Sites like Match, JDate, and eHarmony were in their infancy; the whole idea of finding a partner on the Internet hadn’t really transcended its origins in the personals section of the newspaper.

But with the rise of the smartphone and GPS technology, online dating has lost this stigma and ballooned into a multi-billion-dollar industry. Nowadays, you can treat your cell phone like an all-day singles bar, swiping on Tinder



Up Next

6 Unconventional Relationship Choices That May Seem Weird, But They Do Work

Unconventional Relationship Choices That Actually Work

Unconventional relationship choices, huh? They’re like the hidden gems of the dating world, the rebels of romance, the quirks that keep love alive. Even though traditional relationships have their own appeal and charm, sometimes it’s the unconventional that brings some excitement into our lives.

From open relationships to living apart together, these relationship choices may be frowned upon, but for many people, these are the relationship choices that work the best for them. To each his own, you know.

Such non traditional relationships go against what most people think is normal, however, they show us that l



Up Next

7 Research Backed Relationship Remedies

Research Backed Relationship Remedies

When it comes to dealing with relationship problems, science can prove to be really helpful and can provide you with some substantial research-backed relationship remedies. This article is going to talk about some of the most effective and useful relationship remedies that can make a huge difference to your relationship.

You may think these should go without saying, but in my personal and professional experience, they have not.

7 Research Backed Relationship Remedies

1. Be Quick to Repair Injury

One day, my wife sensed my odd vibe, I didn’t like her asking, and it gr



Up Next

10 Old-School Period Romance Movies To Escape To Another Era

Classic Period Romance Movies Of All Time

Period romance movies are always mysterious. They take viewers on a journey to the past, whisking them away to luxurious settled moments filled with passion and elegance.

The stories never seem to be joyful ones but they do capture the essence of love from different eras. Here, we’ve collected our favorite 10 of the best historical drama movies that we’re sure will captivate you with their timeless charm.

No one ever said love was easy. And I’m almost positive no ever will say it either. But sometimes, we just need to feel something even if its sadness especially when times are tough for us in reality right now…

Whether you’re happy or sad, these ten historical romance movies will give you the escapism you need and deserve. And if that wasn’t enough for you, here’s an



Up Next

What is a Trophy Husband In Today’s Relationship Dynamics?

Signs of a Trophy Husband: Exploring Modern Masculinity

Most of us are aware of the term “trophy wife”. But have you heard about a “trophy husband”? It is a somewhat new term that is a gender-swapped version of the more popular concept of “trophy wife”. 

In today’s evolving society, where gender roles are constantly being redefined, there’s a rising trend of trophy husbands. These men are not only eye-catching companions but also possess qualities that make them desirable partners. 

Today, let us explore this fascinating concept and understand what is a trophy husband,  the signs to look for, why being a trophy husband is exhausting, and the potential issues that can arise in relationships with them.

What is a Trophy Husband?