5 Painful Things You Wonder When Your Parent is Estranged

painful things when your parent is estranged

Having an estranged parent is like having a permanent wound in your heart that never seems to heal, no matter what hard you try. All you are left with are a few painful questions, which you keep on asking yourself, again and again, knowing full well that you might never get the answers to them.

Estranged: adjective (of a person) no longer close or affectionate to someone; alienated.

I have sisters, co-workers, friends, and people I meet throughout my daily life who are parents. I have become close to some of these parents, I’ve worked with them, had long conversations with them, and created bonds. I always noticed the one thing they all have in common, and that is, their kids mean everything to them. Their sons or daughters are their entire world, providing them with a purpose, a reason to move forward in life and be proud of their accomplishments, big and small.

So I never understood – how do estranged parents do it?

For years, my mom was what I called “part-time” estranged. She would come and go from my life whenever she felt like it. She would take an interest in my life, but only sometimes. More recently, she has become completely estranged from my two sisters and me, and the absence of her presence weighs on my mind.

Related: How To Cope With A Toxic And Estranged Family Relationship: 11 Tips

And I’m sure anyone there who has an estranged parent knows those lingering thoughts and unanswerable questions seem to haunt us, walking like a shadow in the background of our lives.

Here Are 5 Painful Things You Wonder When Your Parent is Estranged

1. How Different Would My Life Be If You Were Still In It?

Would I have followed the same path, or chosen something else? Would I be less of an anxious person, would I have more of my shit together? Would I be happier, with more of an ability to look at the bright side of things? Would this void in my heart be filled, or just entirely non-existent? Would I have reached more goals, had a more fulfilling life? Would my heart be less broken, would my mind be more at peace?

Who would I even be?

2. Where Are You Now?

What do you do every day with your time? Where are you out there in this world? Are you close by, are you far away, do you ever travel and see the world? Are you reaching for your goals, or just standing still in life?

Are you lonely?

3. Do You Ever Think About Me?

Do I even cross your mind? If so, how often? Do you think about the memories we had when you were still around? Do you think about where I am, how I’m doing, and the person I have become? Do you ever even worry about where I am, or if I’m okay? Are you proud I’m still moving forward without you, or are you envious?

Do you ever picture a life where you finally grow up and make an effort to be the parent you should have always been?

Related: Family Estrangement: How Grown-Ups Pull Away From Toxic Families

4. Do You Ever Feel Guilty For Not Being Involved With My Life?

What if something bad ever happened, would you step in and pretend to be a parent then? Do you feel any ounce of guilt or shame? How do you walk through this life knowing your family is out there, but you have no intention of figuring out where? How do you have any morals or values left when you have disregarded your children? You have missed so many major life events, how does the guilt not eat away at you?

Do you feel anything at all?

estranged parent

5. Why And How Do You Do This?

I truly do not know how you sleep at night. You’re so quick to try and somehow blame us for your departure, making up unbelievable excuses for yourself. But have you ever stopped to realize it’s YOU who chose to walk away? You chose to stop being a parent. You chose to live a lonely life, rather than self-reflect and try to understand why and how you got to this point – a point where you live without having any involvement in your daughters’ lives. You are selfish and unkind. You are blind and ignorant to your own wrongdoing. I feel sorry for you.

And I will never know how you do it, day in and day out, living this life as if we don’t exist.


Written By Nikki Rutledge 
Originally Appeared Nikki Zarrella

Nikki is from Boston and has been writing since she was a young girl. She often uses her personal experiences as inspiration for her writing, in the hopes of helping others out there who may have been through similar struggles. She and her husband run a small business called Moonlight & Mindfulness where they offer hand-poured crystal candles, homemade tea blends, and crystal items like jewelry and gift sets. Nikki is also a meditation practitioner and leads workshops on things like the moon phases and shadow work.

painful things when your parent is estranged pin

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

How To Become A Better Father And Create Lasting Memories With Your Kids

How To Become A Better Father: Tips and Tricks

Wondering how to become a better father? It’s a question that has echoed through the ages, as fathers play a vital role in shaping the lives of their children. 

The journey of fatherhood is a unique and rewarding experience that requires patience, love, and a deep commitment to personal growth. Let us explore the essence of a good father and provide actionable tips on being a good father. 

Whether you are a new dad or have been on this journey for a while, this guide will serve as a compass to help you navigate the challenges and joys of fatherhood.

Who is a Good Father?



Up Next

When Your Grown Child Hurts Your Feelings: 9 Healing Strategies Every Parent Needs To Know

What To Do When Your Grown Child Hurts Your Feelings: Tips

As parents, we invest our hearts and souls into raising our children, nurturing them with love, support, and guidance. However, as they grow into mature adults and carve their own paths, the dynamics of our relationship inevitably change. When your grown child hurts your feelings, whether intentionally or unintentionally, it can often be difficult to cope with.

This can leave us feeling confused, saddened, and unsure about how to navigate these emotional challenges. So today let us take a look at what to do when your grown child hurts your feelings so that you can heal yourself and your relationships.

How It Feels When Your Grown Child Hurts Your Feelings

Imagine this: You’ve poured your he



Up Next

7 Ways To Heal From An Emotionally Unstable Mom

Emotionally Unstable Mom: Things That Can Help You Heal

Is you mother emotionally unstable? If you have an emotionally unstable mom, dealing with the effects of it can be challenging to say the least; it often leaves you with traumatic memories and complex emotions. However, you need to find ways to heal for your own emotional and mental well-being.

Explore 7 strategies that can greatly help you cope with an emotionally unstable mom.

Related: Raised By A Borderline Mother: Signs, Types, Effects, And How To Deal



Up Next

Bad Husband But Good Father? 8 Tips On How To Be A Better Dad And Husband 

Practical Tips on How to Be a Better Dad and Husband

Being married to a man who is a bad husband but a good father is a complex and challenging experience. It’s a situation where the joys and struggles of parenting coexist with the frustrations and disappointments of a strained marital relationship. So how to be a better dad and husband?

Today, we will try to gain a better understanding of the psyche of a bad husband but a good father and shed light on how you can encourage them to be both a better husband and father. Let’s dive in.

Who Exactly is a Bad Husband and Good Father?

A bad husband can be someone who falls short in their role as a partner. T



Up Next

The Emotionally Absent Mother: Overcoming Her Legacy And Healing From The Wounds

The Emotionally Absent Mother: Healing From The Wounds

Having an emotionally absent mother can take a heavy toll on your mental and emotional well-being, and that too from a very young age. This article is going to explore what it means to have an emotionally unavailable mother, how her emotional absence can affect you and how to heal from it and move on.

Growing up with a mother who wasn’t emotionally available may have complicated your relationship with your emotions. Our early experiences of emotional attunement play an important part in the subsequent regulation of our emotions.

An emotionally absent mother may fail to develop the kind of satisfying attachment bonds in her children that make sustaining ordinary relationships possible.



Up Next

Only Child Syndrome: A Closer Look At The World Of An Only Child

Only Child Syndrome: Exploring An Only Child's World

What is the only child syndrome and how does an only child feel growing up without siblings? This article is going to talk about how it feels being an only child, and what it entails. So, let’s get started, shall we?

There is a stereotype that only children, children without siblings, fail to develop the ordinary social bonds and attachments that children with siblings do. The reality is more nuanced.

It does not follow that children with siblings are automatically more adaptable, more able to share, more able to understand group dynamics, but it is the case that only children didn’t grow up having to deal with



Up Next

Child Parentification: The Cause, Signs, and Recovery

Clear Signs Of Child Parentification In Adults

Ever felt like you were the parent instead of the child? That might be child parentification. Let’s explore its causes, signs, and how to recover together.

The term child parentification was coined in 1967 by family systems theorist Salvador Minuchin, who said the phenomenon occurred when parents de facto delegated parenting roles to children.

It can happen when one parent is physically absent or when a dysfunctional family is under stress because a parent cannot perform their parental responsibilities.

Usually, this is due to a phy