Are You in an Obsessive Relationship?

As a physician, I’ve seen many patients who felt trapped in obsessive relationships. They can’t stop thinking of someone. They can’t stop checking their phones to see if he/she texted. A great part of their consciousness is devoted to ruminating about what this person is doing or not doing and they are afraid of losing the person. These obsessive/possessive relationships can be very painful.

I discuss this topic at length in my book The Power of Surrender. In the book I emphasize that bonding with a partner is a natural part of getting to know someone and of falling in love. But getting overly attached goes beyond healthy bonding and is disempowering. When you truly love someone you’re not interested in possessing the person or keeping him or her in your clutches because you’re afraid of losing the relationship. Instead, you respect your partner’s autonomy and spirit. You’re not too entangled, by standing together side by side. True intimacy is always a balance between bonding and letting go so the relationship can breathe.

Quiz: Are You Overly Attached to a Partner?

  • Do you cling to your partner?
  • Do you want to possess him or her?
  • Are you often afraid of being abandoned or betrayed?
  • Do you get anxious when you don’t hear from him or her every day?
  • Do you constantly think about the person?
  • Do you start obsessing about a partner after you have sex?
  • Does your partner feel you are trying to control or suffocate him or her?
  • Do you feel you can’t live without the person?
  • How to interpret this quiz: 6-8 yeses indicate that you are extremely overly attached. 3-5 yeses indicate that you are moderately overly attached. 1-3 yeses indicate that you have a tendency to overly attach. A score of zero indicates that you have healthy bonding with your partner.

    First to deal with an obsession you have to seize control of your thoughts and mind. Then consciously change your thinking from unwholesome thoughts to constructive positive ones. It is very important to consciously shift out of the obsession using your will to do this. An aspect of myself that I’ve made progress in healing is my tendency to get overly attached to men. During sex I bond quickly and fuse with a man but I can’t un-fuse with him later. I start yearning for him and thinking about him constantly. Some of this is organic and beautiful, but becoming overly attached crosses a line. I can become obsessed and intensely hungry for contact particularly if I’ve been single for a while.

    I am a sexual being so, after I haven’t had sex for a while, I can become needy compared to when I have an ongoing connection with a loving partner. Being in this position makes me (and many women) vulnerable to getting overly attached. For instance, if I don’t hear from this man for a few days–I can get anxious and afraid of losing him or of being abandoned. It’s not good for me, and moreover, most men don’t appreciate this kind of response. So in my tantric sexuality sessions and in therapy, I discovered how to enjoy passion from a more grounded place. Here’s how:

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    About The Author

    Dr. Judith Orloff
    Judith Orloff MD, an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA, is author of THE EMPATH'S SURVIVAL GUIDE: LIFE STRATEGIES FOR SENSITIVE PEOPLE. She is New York Times bestselling author of Emotional Freedom, The Power of Surrender, Positive Energy, Guide to Intuitive Healing, and Second Sight. Dr. Orloff synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition and energy medicine. To sign up for Dr. Orloff's EMPATH NEWSLETTER and see her workshop schedule visit www.drjudithorloff.com. Also join her empath support community on FACEBOOK for sensitive souls. NOTE: TO SCHEDULE A PRIVATE SESSION WITH Dr. Orloff PLEASE CONTACT HER ASSISTANT RHONDA BRYANT [email protected]

    14 COMMENTS

    1. perhaps if the partner were attentive and fulfilled intimacy bonds the relationship is more balanced, many times one is narcissistic and the lover is gaslighted . manipulated and ripped off rather than being loved, lots of men do this to women because they hate themselves and feel small, I know a woman who treats her husband shitty too, if you don’t love someone only think about yourself then don’t get into a relationship, get a dog and abuse it, you’ll be happier