3. There is always a relationship between the outer and the inner: What you do influences how you feel, and how you feel influences how you do what you do.
4. Most men are more practiced in paying attention to the external than the internal. Carl Jung said that the first half of life is for establishing oneself in the outer world. The second half of life is to exploring one’s inner world. I would say it’s never too early to start paying attention to your inner world.
Related: 5 Signs a Man Is Genuinely Connected to His Heart
5. Feelings are amazing, once you learn how to pay attention to them. Most guys like control panels, whether on cars or computers, that display all kinds of information. Imagine that you have an internal control panel that captures an infinite amount of information with sensitivity and reliability that can’t be managed by the most highly-developed software. Guess what? You already have such a system inside you.
6. You cannot and should not outsource your emotional intelligence to the woman you’re with. It’s a cop-out, and it’s not fair to her. She needs you to figure out who you are and what you feel to help her with her own development—just like you need her to be in charge of herself.
7. You need to have close relationships with men. Stop being afraid to touch a man or be touched by one—not all physical touch need to be sexual in intent. So many guys are so filled with homophobia that they miss the pleasure of physical contact with another man. It feels different than contact with a woman and it’s wonderful.
8. Learn how to ask another man for help. There are few things more healing than receiving help from a man or giving help to a man. It undoes all those horrible high-school experiences where you were made fun of in the locker room for not doing something right.
9. You need to work and feel productive to feel whole. I don’t believe I have ever met a man who was able to feel good about himself without feeling good about what he did in the world.
10. Expressing anger is overrated. Sure, it feels good at the moment, but like a bomb that destroys what had taken years to build, you should seldom (if ever) give in to that urge. Go to the gym instead.
Dr. Gressel can be reached via his website at joshgressel.com.
Men can crack the code to their feelings once they realize that this is what they genuinely want to do. These pointers will go a long way in helping men crack the code to their innermost emotions and thoughts, and embrace them fully. Once you are able to do this, you will see how your emotional intelligence undergoes a transformation.