Why Lack of Respect Kills Relationship and Ways To Bring It Back

Do you often feel devalued by your partner? 

If you are asked to pen down 3 important ingredients of a successful relationship, what would you include in it? Most probably, ‘love’, ‘understanding’ and ‘communication’ or maybe ‘love’, ‘acceptance’ and ‘trust’. Love will surely top the charts but how many of you would include ‘respect’ in it?

I fear, only a few of you would. 

Even when so much of a relationship hinges on respect, but we never really focus on its significance to change the entire chemistry of a relationship.

There are several relationships that are spiraling down the wrong way because the partners consistently function on disrespecting each other. 

respect-in-relationship

Doesn’t respect come as an obvious complement in a relationship? We like to believe so. But no, love is not synonymous with respect

Love is, “I need you. I want you to be happy.” 

Respect is, “I look up to you. I value your words and opinions.”

Even though respecting looks like an easy task to accomplish but you will frequently see couples eroding each other, often actively participating in disrespecting each other. 

Disrespect has its expression in various forms:

disrespect

  1. In the form of derogatory comments to belittle your partner like you are having a dinner date with your partner and friends, and suddenly you make a comment on your partner’s behavior like, “Please ignore his crazy antics!”

 

  1. Being inconsiderate of their opinions, like, “I have decided what to do about my future. Please don’t comment on what you have no idea about.” 

 

  1. Questioning their potential, like, “Are you sure you can do this? Think again.”

 

  1. Subtle body language which shows indifference like rolling your eyes, grimacing at something your partner said which you don’t agree with, dismissing something your partner said with a sway of your hand, breathing deeply as if you are containing your anger and contempt at your partner. 

 

  1. Constantly sticking your face into the phone, even when conversing with your partner.

 

  1. A partner who constantly compliments other people but is indifferent to all forms of positive qualities their partner has. 

Respecting takes us the ability to look for the qualities, capabilities in our partner and adore, admire them for that. Respect in a relationship is the pedestal you put your partner on because you accept the person as they are. Respecting also means being able to look up to, get inspired and encouraged by your partner’s qualities. 

You believe it or not when a person you love so much, admires you, lifts you up and appreciates you for who you are, rather than pulling you down for what you are not, you feel complete. Half of the attraction works when the other person honors, values and considers you more than anything else. 

Even though disrespecting doesn’t have any immediate impact on the relationship, other than an argument or two, but over time it breeds contempt. Gradually resentments start growing into grudges and the intense passion is replaced by toxic connection. 

Once a relationship is sabotaged, it often gets difficult to save it. You no longer have trust in your partner that you once have. There is always sheathing anger rising in you every time you face your disrespecting partner.

The feelings are no more that of love and adoration, it turns to a cycle of finger-pointing and complaining session.

If you don’t want your relationship to materialize into a failure, bring back the fire of romance in your relationship with the following tips to respect your partner in a relationship :  

1. Walk the talk.

Are you keeping all the promises you do? Or are they just hanging on as empty words? If you say something to make sure you do it or else never say it.

Nothing screams disrespect louder than putting someone on a high pedestal of expectations and pushing them down from there in the blink of an eye.

This means that you don’t value the presence of your partner in your life. Once your partner comes to realize that there is no value attached to him/her, they will start distancing themselves.

 

2. Show your efforts in other aspects of your life. 

When your partner understands that you are giving the efforts in other aspects of your life- professional, familial life and in friends circle, he/she starts respecting you. Never dodge the execution of a plan, or facing challenging situations or taking responsibilities under control. 

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Shreyasi Debnath
An editor and writer keeping keen interest in painting, creative writing and reading. I did my Masters in Clinical and Counselling Psychology and have been a counselling psychologist at a primary school for the past 1 year. I love doing absolutely anything that mends a mind and soothes a soul. Most often than not, I ponder over to come up with poems. A wandering soul in search for meaning.
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