Love is not always an easy terrain to navigate; if a couple doesn’t know what they are doing, or what they are supposed to do, then chances are they will crash and burn. In order to feel the beauty of love in it’s truest glory, there are a few truths about love that every couple should know.
I hear people say all the time…
I love my husband/wife but I’m not “In Love” with him/her.
I’m just not sure if I love them anymore.
I love them but he/she said I don’t love you anymore, is my love enough?
This kind of statement can be extremely confusing not to mention painful and disheartening.
So I wanted to share a few truths I have come to know about love after helping hundreds of individuals and couples get through various crises points and difficult times to have a more loving, happy, and rewarding marriage.
Here Are 3 Truths About LOVE Every Couple Should Know
1. LOVE is an ACTION, not a feeling you get from another person.
Love is an experience you receive as a result of doing loving acts for someone you care about. Not what you get.
You “make love” in the marriage, you build it through acts that show love. The trick is to give the love and take the action your spouse needs and wants. The problem is we often go about satisfying our partner’s needs with what matters to us. When we do that, we neglect the opportunity to create a deeper connection and more happiness.
Therefore it’s not rocket science or tricky to fall back “in love”. It’s about looking after your partner’s deepest needs and in doing so showing them how much you care.
2. LOVE is not something you find, it’s something you CREATE.
The majority of us falsely assume from love stories in tabloids and movies that all you need to do is find that special someone and that’s it, you will live happily ever after. We all know that’s not true, yet on some level we often expect it.
When people say to me in couples’ therapy that they don’t feel love or they are not “in love” I ask them what actions they have taken to demonstrate their love for their spouse and often they can’t answer. The reason people often don’t feel “in love” is because they’re not doing anything… they are waiting for love to come and motivate them first and…only then they will act.
So they hit a stalemate, get caught in a trap, where they stay stuck in a love-deprived relationship for days, months, or years. Waiting for something to change, yet no one is willing to give. In the end, they blame the break-down of the marriage on communication, lack of sex, family, or financial differences, yet in reality without any loving acts… how can a couple stay connected?
The real problem is that the marriage is starved of loving selfless gestures.
If you think about it, there is absolutely nothing in life that is worth having that does not require any effort to both achieve and then maintain. Things in life either grow or they die, it’s the law of nature. Relationships are no different they need to be nurtured, paid attention to, cared for, and tended to.
If you want to feel more love or fall back “in love” you need to make acts of love part of your daily routine. The more you do, the better, and the more your lover is likely to reciprocate. What do you want to experience more of right now in your relationship, more excitement, affection, attention, appreciation, fun, support, care, security? It’s all possible to create.
3. Unconditional love is extremely rare, don’t expect it.
If someone ignores, hurts, or annoys you, it’s unrealistic for them to expect you to always love them. Similarly, if you act out towards your spouse, again and again, they are likely to change the way they think, act, and feel towards you. So don’t expect unconditional love to be there. Don’t take your spouse for granted. Make an effort to make them smile, show empathy and kindness.
Love is a deeply personal and individual thing, it can mean something entirely different you to than what it does to me. Here is my perspective on love.
Love in a relationship of misery is not helping the situation! So if you only have love with turmoil and pain, maybe it is not enough!
On the other hand, you have a great relationship but there is a concern that love isn’t what it used to be, maybe there is no reason to be concerned at all. As love can be built.
Other emotions we experience throughout our week can cause us to lose sight of the love we have. If we are feeling angry, stressed, annoyed, or upset about work, finances, family, or our health, it’s going to affect the happiness and love we feel for someone. So you need to make sure that you don’t over analyze in difficult times.
Hope this helps in some way. I’d love to hear your thoughts about love or read favorite quotes… email them to me or post them below.
From my heart to yours,
Contact or find out more about me at www.nicolabeer.com
Marriage Transformation Specialist & Founder of Save My Marriage Program – an alternative to marriage counseling in Dubai, Abu Dhabi, and further afield online.
P.S. If you have fallen out of love, it’s easier than you think to fall back “in love”. Don’t get caught in the trap of waiting to feel love before you act. ACT now…do something loving, speak to a marriage specialist for support, or get free literature for guidance. You can download my 7 Secrets to Saving Your Marriage here for free.
“7 Secrets to Saving Your Marriage” FREE REPORT https://training.nicolabeer.com/7-secrets-marriage/
Written by Nicola Beer
Originally appeared on SaveMyMarriageProgram.com