Sometimes marriages don’t work out, no matter how much both parties want them to. Deciding whether to stay in your miserable and unhappy marriage or divorce might be tougher than you might think, especially when you’ve invested a lot of time and energy into it.
Are you wondering why your husband won’t divorce you, even though you are miserable?
I know it seems counterintuitive, because why would your husband want to stay in a relationship where you are both very unhappy, and yet he just won’t leave.
Enough to drive you crazy, yes?
There are many reasons why your husband won’t divorce you, even if things are really bad. Knowing what they are will help you process them and, maybe, give you a new perspective about how to talk to him about a potential divorce.
Here Are Five Reasons Why Your Husband Won’t Divorce You.
For many men, the most important part of their marriage is taking care of their family and a big part of taking care of their family is the finances. Men work very hard to give their families the best life they can and getting divorced might very well make that more difficult.
If you and your partner get divorced, your finances might be severely damaged. Getting a divorce is expensive. Having two households is expensive. Paying alimony and child support is expensive.
I have a client who worked hard to get his family to a good place. They had a nice house, two new cars and they could travel. When his wife asked for a divorce, he froze up. All of the hard work that he had done would be undone. He wasn’t sure if he could bear it.
The prospect of damaging his finances, and his family‘s finances, might be a big reason why your husband won’t divorce you, no matter how unhappy you are.
2. The kids.
For many men, they know the divorce means less time with their children. And that is scary for them.
They are used to coming home every night and seeing their children. If there is a custody agreement, that could mean that they won’t see their children every day. Or perhaps not on holidays or birthdays. I am sure that you think about that too but men know that women usually get primary custody.
They also may be concerned that a divorce would create acrimony between the two of you which might turn their children against them. That could mean issues with the kids that didn’t exist before.
They might also be concerned that their kids will struggle without them there. Or that you might get into a new relationship that might jeopardize their relationship with them.
Wouldn’t think about all of those things make you pause before moving forward with a divorce?
3. The shame.
For many people, divorce is still not ok. People make vows to each other on their wedding day to love and cherish each other forever. Divorce is breaking that vow. That might bring a lot of shame on your husband.
For many men, making a commitment is very important. Making a commitment in front of all their friends and family is very important. For them, the idea of giving up on their marriage and getting divorced is incredibly shameful especially after making such a promise.
Furthermore, giving up on his marriage might mean dividing your social group, a social group that he enjoys. That social group might even judge him or talk about him.