The second reason why pursuing men fails is that you launch yourself squarely into “here’s why you should like me” territory. You’re very innocently giving your power away and giving off a repellent, needy vibe.
I used to think that showing a man obvious interest by moving things along was confident, not needy. When I dug deeper, I realized that the reason this behavior is deemed “needy” is because I really wanted the guy to be interested in me! If a man rejected me, it ruined my whole day.
You know how it feels when someone is fishing for a compliment or wants your reassurance? You automatically resist. That’s neediness at work.
A man’s feelings can’t grow and intensify for you if you’re standing over him, hands-on-hips, wondering if he’s in love with you yet.
People want things that are precious and rare. And precious, you hardly look rare while you’re blowing up his phone and falling all over him trying to get a date or reassurance that he wants you.
Quitting the chase was like getting off the man drugs. Once I kicked the habit, I found that the quality of men who pursued me increased astronomically. The best part was that I no longer felt like I was begging for anyone to notice me.
That’s a big payoff for changing my tactics.
How do you make him chase you?
You get a man to chase by using your natural feminine magnetism to show him you’re interested without doing all of the work.
In practice, this looks like being happy, playful, flirtatious, and receptive to his advances. He must be the one pursue more of your time and attention while you allow and enjoy that attention.
When a man shows you he’s interested by regularly getting in touch and trying to date you, let him. Make him fit himself into your plans. Maintain your own life. Don’t suddenly stop working toward your dreams, quit your hobbies or make him the center of your world.
Also, have faith that the right man will eventually pursue you. Trust that if a man doesn’t advance toward you, he’s giving you a gentle “no” or “not right now” and let him fall away.
Stop trying to prove your worth or explain why you would be good together. The right one will be so captivated he won’t be able to imagine letting you go.
Written by Elizabeth Stone
Originally appeared on Yourtango.com
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