Often, the first thing that falls to the side during times of crisis is those patterns. Someone who used to do the dishes every night no longer does so because that is when the family comes together on a Zoom call to discuss their mother’s illness. Or perhaps you no longer get foot rubs in front of the TV because your partner is exhausted from looking for jobs all day.
It is important that, if these things are happening, you try not to get selfish and resentful. Of course, you have needs, things that you have always received, and need to feel loved, but try to understand that, during times of crisis, those things might fall to the side.
I know that it’s hard to do, to stay strong when your small needs aren’t being met, but know that, most likely, it’s only temporary and after this period of time has passed, things will go back to normal.
4. Take care of yourself.
The flip side of not being selfish is to take care of yourself. If your needs aren’t being met by your partner, it is important that you practice self-care.
If your feet aren’t getting rubbed at night, perhaps get a massage or see a reflexologist. If you are left with the dishes, build some time into your evening and know that it won’t be forever. If you have to walk the dog, perhaps do so with a friend so that you can chat away, without guilt, for an hour. These patterns might be missing now but they won’t be forever.
If we don’t make an effort to take care of ourselves during times of crisis we can find ourselves full of resentment with our partners, resentment about being ignored, and left behind during hard times. We need to love and care for ourselves so that we can stay strong, both for our health and the health of our relationship as a couple.
Want to know more about how you can take better care of yourself? Read 12 Self-Care Tips to Take Better Care of Yourself
5. Get help.
Finally, if you find that you and your partner are circling the drain during this difficult time, it would be a good idea to get help. A therapist or a life coach will be able to help you deal with the things I addressed above. Many couples really struggle with them and having a professional help you can make all the difference.
You can find a therapist or life coach at www.psychologytoday.com or you can email me at email@example.com to get started.
It is very, very important that, if you find yourself pulling away from your spouse, you understand that the damage that is being caused by the disconnect might cause irreparable damage, so get ahead of it. Ask for some help. You will be glad you did!
When you look around and wonder how couples survive during times of crisis do you wonder if it’s just you, is it just your relationship that doesn’t seem strong enough to get through this?
I can promise you that you are not alone. Many couples really struggle when faced with difficult life experiences but many of them are successful at coming out on the other side.
Make sure you keep the lines of communication open and ask what each other needs, to respect those needs without resentment, to try to put your own needs second, and yet to take care of yourself at the same time and, if all else fails, get some help!
You and your partner can get through this. I know you can! And if I can help let me know!
If you want to know more about how couples can survive during times of crises, then check out this video below: