3 Powerful Ways to Overcome Emotional Blocks in Love

Powerful Ways Overcome Emotional Blocks Love

Emotional blocks can seriously obstruct your ability to love someone unconditionally. Your emotions will end up controlling you if you don’t control them. The best way to cope with tumultuous emotions and overcome emotional blocks in love is to face them head-on.

Our emotions are the roots of the tree of love.

When we lose control of them, we lose control of ourselves.

We scream. We hurt people we care about. We make decisions that we deeply regret.

From relationship researcher John Gottman to Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, many love researchers agree on one thing: the biggest struggle between couples is an inability to understand the different needs of each other. We often love our partners the way we want to be loved, even if it doesn’t match their individual needs.

The other reason a relationship may fail is that the individuals don’t know what needs they should ask their partner to fulfill. They’re mindlessly unaware of the emotional barriers that prevent their relationship from feeling like heaven on earth.

Related: 6 Steps to Mindfully Deal With Difficult Emotions in Relationships

So how do we become more aware of our own emotional motivations? Here are three powerful ways to start.

Here Are 3 Powerful Ways to Overcome Emotional Blocks in Love

1. Ask Yourself “Why?” Three Times

Asking “why?” will give you insights into the needs you need most. An amazing relationship is a byproduct of meeting your partner’s needs, while they are meeting yours.

This brings me back to my earlier point. If we are unaware of our needs, our emotions and thoughts can hijack our actions into doing things we deeply regret – like snooping, cheating, or lying.

Often when we ask ourselves why we do what we do, our egos get in the way. Our egos tend to push aside our deep-seated needs to protect us from our own raw vulnerability. In my experience, the first “why?” I ask tends to be rationalizing bullshit.

Overcome Emotional Blocks in Love
Overcome Emotional Blocks in Love

Here’s an example from my own life. Before I started focusing on my own emotional needs and working to improve my relationships, I transformed from a nice guy to a crazy, untrusting boyfriend. It wasn’t pretty.

One night, I hacked my girlfriend’s phone by using her apple sign-on and password to read her personal text messages. 1

Here is my answer to the question of why when I made that decision.

“Why did I hack my girlfriend’s phone?”

“Because she seemed more interested in this other guy than me. I felt inadequate.”

“Why did she seem more interested in the other guy than me? Why do I feel inadequate?”

“Because I’ve been cheated on before. It pains me to have to experience that betrayal again.”

“Why does being cheated on hurt so much? Why is betrayal such a bad thing?”

“Because being cheated on makes me feel like I am not good enough to deserve a woman who will only want me. And betrayal validates that feeling. It makes me sick. The lack of security and trust in my relationship kills me.”

This relationship was one of the relationships I had before my health declined into this:

Copyright - Kyle Benson

Studies show, time and time again, that when our emotional needs are neglected, our physical and mental health gets neglected as well.

Back then, I was still coming to understand these needs. Uncovering the answers I explored above was not easy.

Sometimes this exercise would lead me to ask the same questions for days. I was trying so hard to unearth the answer. But if you keep asking, the answers will come. They may be ugly. But the truth will set you free.

So pay attention. Explore what feels right. Keep asking. Keep questioning your motivations. The more uncomfortable the answers become, the truer they are.

Related: The 3 Needs Of Every Lover for a Healthy Relationship

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Kyle Benson

I've had the privilege of working with men and women on a wide range of relationship issues. I've helped individuals:Leave toxic relationships to find a healthy relationship that makes them feel calm, grateful for the person in their life, and deeply valued by their partner Close the emotional distance between partners so they feel deeply connected to each otherResolve relationship conflict, leading the couple to become closer and more loving than they ever thought imaginable Remove sexual anxiety to create intensely passionate and longer-lasting sexUse problems in the relationship as catalysts to help individuals grow into their highest potential (and become more awesome lovers)Our coaching sessions are tailored towards reaching solutions that improve your relationship quickly. Read more about my coaching programmes here, Relationship Coaching or Email me at Kyle@kylebenson.netView Author posts