You might not realize it, but you have a romantic blueprint. We all do. It’s one of five romantic archetypes. You might be the Madonna type, who’s all about loving and giving. Or, you could be the opposite, the Cool Girl, who is more about loyalty and trust.
In order to have the most fulfilling love life possible, you need to identify which romantic archetype you align with and which love language you speak. You might relate to elements of all five of the archetypes, but we each have one that is more prominent than the others. Knowing your romantic archetype gives you valuable information about how you’re wired to give and receive love.
If you don’t understand how you tick, how can your partner know what makes you happy? Once you figure out who you are and what you need in a relationship, you can give this valuable information to your partner…and vice versa.
What’s a love language?
We’re not talking parlez-vous français here. Your love language is how you like to communicate love and how you want your partner to communicate it to you. For instance, some women feel more loved when their partner brings them a gift while others feel more loved through physical affection or being helped out around the house.
Think of it this way: Your partner might think bringing you flowers is a great way to show you love when what you really respond to is his taking the initiative to do the dishes once in a while. So, you might go through years of frustration, feeling that he just doesn’t “get you,” when in reality it’s kind of your fault for not teaching him what your love language and romantic blueprint is.
The five romantic archetypes:
1. The Gypsy:
Strengths: This is the most erotic of the archetypes. She is a free-spirited, sexual woman. She experiences sexuality as a transcendent experience connecting her with energy beyond her partner. Because of this universal connection, she can be more detached and prefers freedom to the stability of committed relationships. She knows what feels good to her, so sex is something she engages in for her own pleasure instead of to please someone else.
Gypsy Prototype: Angelina Jolie, Christina Hendricks, Sofia Vergara
Pain Points: She doesn’t have a hard time finding romantic partners but does struggle to form long-term romantic bonds and connect on a deeper emotional level.
Love Language: Touch, sensuality, and intimacy. She communicates with her body by holding hands, touching her partner when she speaks to him/her, kissing, playing footsie under the table, cuddling, and, of course, sex.
Perfect Date: The gypsy is so in touch with her physical body, she doesn’t need a lot of warming up before sex. She is erotic and sensual, so sometimes going straight to the bedroom can be an ideal date. Using feathers and blindfolds to be creative sensually makes the experience much deeper and more intimate.
2. The Venus:
Strengths: She is typically put on a pedestal and perceived as beautiful and sensual. Because she is an object of beauty, she can become disconnected or numb to her own true desires and pleasures.
Venus Prototype: Kim Kardashian, Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansson
Pain Points: She might need too much validation from external sources, which makes her vulnerable to becoming an object of pleasure instead of experiencing pleasure for herself. For example, an actress client of mine used to fake orgasms. She was more concerned with letting the other person see how amazing she was while she had an orgasm than actually experiencing that pleasure for herself.
Love Language: Giving and receiving gifts. She is not afraid to use her femininity or her flirtatious persona to receive gifts and affection.
Perfect Date: The perfect date for the Venus is to relax, get out of her head and back into her body, and be able to feel her natural sensuality through luxury. Going out to a nice dinner or ordering a bottle of expensive champagne can help her engage her eye for beauty.
3. The Madonna:
Strengths: She is the most maternal and nurturing type. She likes to take care of all of her partner’s needs, in and out of the bedroom. She’s sexual, but in an earthier, more mysterious way.
Madonna Prototype: Blake Lively, Rosario Dawson, Drew Barrymore
Pain Points: Giving love and devotion until it hurts. She often offers too much to get approval, attention, or affection. She often doesn’t speak up and fails to set boundaries, which eventually leads to anger and resentment. If you’re a Madonna archetype, you want to be careful: This type of love can tend toward passive aggression. Though it may seem selfless, she often gives too much or doesn’t set boundaries because she has low self-esteem and is afraid she will be abandoned.
Love Language: Acts of love and devotion, such as making meals, taking care of household duties, and doing things to make her partner’s day-to-day grind run smoothly.
Perfect Date: The perfect date for the Madonna is to make a nice dinner at home, followed by giving and receiving massages.
4. The Amazon:
Strengths: She’s the alpha female—powerful, a leader, and mentally and physically sharp and focused. She can take care of herself and is usually competitive.
Amazon Prototype: Pop star Madonna, Jessica Alba, Zoe Saldana
Pain Points: Not knowing when to be vulnerable enough to receive. It can feel scary to put her guard down and allow another person in because she is afraid of abandonment. Women nowadays are trying to be strong in a masculine way and are afraid to put down their Amazonian armor because underneath is the frightened little girl who is afraid of being hurt.
Love Language: Positive affirmations. You like to be told you are loved, beautiful, smart, etc. You give and like to receive compliments and verbal affirmations of love, respect, and support from your partner.
Perfect Date: The perfect date for the Amazon includes activities that have the feeling of competition that engages thrills and pushes the edges that create endorphin rushes. Examples include sports, games, or skydiving.
5. The Cool Girl:
Strengths: She’s considered “one of the boys.” She’s loyal, a good friend, trustworthy, playful, sassy, and flirty. She gets along with everyone.
Cool Girl Prototype: Cameron Diaz, Emma Stone, Mila Kunis
Pain Points: She’s never seen as erotic, feminine, or sensual. She often gets stuck in the “friend zone.” She gets stuck in the role of the “cool girl” in which she views everything as OK, even if she’s dating or married to someone whose actions don’t make her feel desired or valued. The Cool Girl needs to set some boundaries and project her sexual and sensual self, like the Venus.
Love Language: Quality time spent with their partner.
The Perfect Date: A perfect date would be hiking or doing something that engages playfulness and games. Or just watching movies at home—Netflix and chill.