Do You Have Clear Boundaries? 3 Tips For Creating Some


Have Clear Boundaries

Sometimes, it is necessary to create boundaries in order to protect yourself from feeling worn out, and mentally drained.

Boundaries are the ultimate life hack. They’ll give you space to protect your energy. You’ll feel less overwhelmed and daily stressed out. Confidence and self-esteem will start to build. Relationships will hold more meaning. But first, you will be scared to death. Why? Most of us have never created them let alone held them.

Boundaries are your firm line. They are your verbal (and sometimes non-verbal) communication with the world and the people in it. Almost everyone struggles with boundaries because they never saw the adults in their family have them. They had a mother who said yes to every single event even if she was exhausted or a father who did for everyone before himself.

Society rewards these types of behaviors but we don’t ever look at how these people feel. We don’t look at the state of their health or the satisfaction of their relationships. If we did, we may not be rewarding this behavior. Eventually, resentments creep in, tempers flare, and disease manifests.

So how do you know if you don’t have clear boundaries?

1. You cringe at the word “no.”

I remember when I first started learning about the power of “no” I thought, this is so simple. My mind clearly understood that “no” is a complete sentence and I didn’t have to explain myself.

When I actually went to practice it, I couldn’t believe the fear and anxiety it brought up. I struggled to not explain myself or apologize. A clear sign I needed to do some serious work with my own boundaries.

Related: How Healthy Boundaries Can Prevent You From Taking on the World’s Pain

2. You feel guilt, shame, fear (insert any similar emotion) when you put yourself and your own needs over the wants of someone else.

Not having boundaries is really an underlying statement that your self-esteem is damaged in some way. Wanting to be liked or avoiding conflict is normal, but when it comes at the expense of your own feelings your self worth needs some development. Good news, because establishing boundaries does just that.

3. You’ve never/rarely ask “what do I want?”

When boundaries are hazy, we literally lose our “self” in the mix. Thinking of ourselves in every situation is not selfish, it is self-care.

It’s important to understand that having and keeping boundaries is a skill. It takes a lot of practice but the reward is that one day it will be second nature. If you feel overwhelmed or frustrated, you should. You are making an adjustment with the way you function. Hang on and commit. People with clear boundaries live the most satisfying lives.

Here are some tips for creating boundaries.

1. Understand people’s feelings are not your responsibility.

The underlying belief when we do things to make others “feel” better is that we are responsible for how people feel. Some people don’t like hearing no. Other people may think you are “selfish” or “rude.”

How people feel about their actions is based on their own previous experiences in the world. They have little or nothing to do with you. You are not responsible for the feelings created by them.

Create Boundaries
Create Boundaries

2. Say NO then step away.

The reason people can’t keep boundaries is because of how the person they’re trying to set the boundary with reacts. It is incredibly important to say “no” and then remove yourself from that person.

It may mean turning off your phone or going into your bedroom and closing the door. The beginning of boundary setting is all about getting you OK with saying no. In order to do that, you need to block out all responses.

Related: 5 Tips For Setting Healthy Boundaries As An Introvert

3. Let words be second to action.

Humans are verbal creatures. We are used to expressing ourselves mainly through words. Boundaries are challenging because they involve follow up action. Not only do we have to do something different we have to avoid the desire to over-explain, apologize, or rationalize our choices to another.

We need to commit to our decided action (or inaction depending on the situation) and avoid the tendency to talk our way out of doing so. Sometimes this means communicating non-verbally through our actions.

Written By Nicole LePera
Originally Appeared In The Holistic Psychologist

When you create boundaries for your mental health and happiness, it might seem insensitive to you, as well as other people. But sometimes, you need to solely think about yourself, and what you need to do to feel better. And people who know you, love you and understand you will always give you that space. So, never make yourself feel bad for setting boundaries because your mental health should always come first for you.

Have Clear Boundaries pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

Does Having High Standards Undermine Your Love Life? 4 Ways It Can Go Wrong

Having High Standards In Relationships Ruins Love In Ways

Does having high standards in relationships make it harder for you to fall in love? It’s common — setting impossible standards can keep us away from opportunities. Let’s learn how and what to do about it!

People have the tendency to use the “not my type” excuse to build that distance.

Why worry about types when you haven’t even said hello yet? Because these are myths about relationships and defense mechanisms, just like an invisible wall between you and the potential connection.

Up Next

Intentional Relationship Conflict: Exploring The Flames – Wildfire Or Bonfire?

Intentional Relationship Conflict: Exploring Best Steps

Explore the complexities of relationship conflict, this dive goes deep into the flames, wondering whether they ignite a wildfire of destruction or a nurturing bonfire for growth.

How is intentional relationship conflict different from conflict in general?

Conflict in intimate relationships is like fire. For some of us it becomes a wildfire, burning out of control, emotionally burning each partner.

For others, it turns into a controlled bonfire that brings us closer together as we talk, laugh, and learn more about one another. Clear boundaries, emotional safety, and containment transform the danger of a fire into a tool for comfort, closeness, and emotional intimacy.

Up Next

Breadcrumbing in a Relationship: 6 Alarming Signs And How To Manage It

Breadcrumbing In A Relationship | Signs and How to Manage

Breadcrumbing in a relationship is like leaving tiny hints of interest without real commitment. It is confusing and can leave you wondering where you stand. 

 So, how do you know if it’s happening to you?

In this guide, we’ll discuss five signs of breadcrumbing in a relationship. We will also be providing strategies on how to deal with breadcrumbing in a relationship. 

But first, let us learn about the breadcrumbing meaning. 

Up Next

A List of High Standards in a Relationship: Non Negotiable Must-Haves You Shouldn’t Settle for

Big Standards: List of High Standards in a Relationship

When we talk about how we behave in relationships, we’re really talking about who we are deep down. Many people wonder what makes a good relationship tick, so we’ve put together a list of high standards in a relationship.

When pondering “what are standards in a relationship,” we are not referring to arbitrary rules but rather the essential principles that elevate your love to new heights. Stick with us as we go through what it takes to make a strong and healthy connection with someone special.

What are standards in a relationship?  

We each possess a unique threshold for behavior, traits, and values, below which we are unwilling to tolerate a partner. But here’s the fascinating paradox – while we all have these s

Up Next

Relationship Patterns: A Pathway To Lasting Love: Which One Is Yours?

Intriguing Relationship Patterns: Which One Is You?

Ever noticed how you and your partner have those regular ways of interacting? They’re called relationship patterns. Guess what? Understanding it is also a helpful to reconnect with your partner!

Relationships, while often blooming with love and joy, can also harbor areas of conflict that, when triggered, lead to misunderstandings and tension.

Perhaps one partner desires constant updates on the other’s whereabouts, while the other thrives in digital solitude, leading to disputes over smartphone apps.

Recent research delves into the concept of “relationship pa

Up Next

Are You Trapped In The Goldilocks Zone Of Dating? How To Recognize The Terrifying Dating Loop And Break Free

The Goldilocks Zone: New Age Dating Style Or A Trap?

Are you tired of playing the dating game only to find yourself caught in a loop of dissatisfaction? Well, get ready to enter ‘The Goldilocks Zone’ – a term that’s been taking the dating world by storm. 

But hold on tight, because this one comes with a twist! It’s not about finding the perfect partner; it’s about the horrifying pursuit of perfection itself. 

So, get ready to know what is Goldilocks Zone in relationships and discover how to recognize it before it wreaks havoc on your quest for love.

Up Next

What Is An Inter-Intimate Relationship? 5 Signs To Know If You Are In One

What Is An Inter-Intimate Relationship? Five Signs

There are countless ways we express love, and we all have different needs for emotional and physical intimacy. Some couples struggle with mismatched desire, while others might find themselves in what they call “inter-intimate relationships”.

Do you find yourself in this situation? If yes, don’t worry; you’re not alone! Let’s explore how to find a balance and make it work together.

What Is An Inter-Intimate Relationship?