Step 1: Pay Attention
Notice this woman, the details of her appearance, how she has chosen to present herself, what she is doing, how she’s doing it, anything and everything. When you notice something that you admire, simply tell her about it. It doesn’t have to be anything groundbreaking to be special and important. Some examples might be the way her hair looks, the colour of her shirt (especially if it looks great with her shoes, complexion, brings out her eyes, or something like that), how confident she seems. The important thing is that it’s heartfelt, that you mean it.
Note: if this is someone that you aren’t dating, and especially if it’s a stranger, I would recommend asking for permission to compliment. This may seem weird or even absurd, but it is a great way to show that you respect her and her boundaries. That, in itself, is an incredible and meaningful compliment. This will also preclude starting to compliment someone only to be shot down as a ‘creep’ or told to fuck off.
Another Note: There is something beautiful, lovely and worthwhile about every single person. If you’re looking for a woman to love and can’t find one that’s a good fit, a great place to start is to simply try to find things to compliment in the women around you. You’ll be surprised at the beauties, sweethearts, and comediennes hiding all around you!
Step 2: Keep Paying Attention
Love is a verb, like eat, or sleep. You don’t just do it once. It’s a process, not an event. It’s a journey, not a destination. And many other vague but lovely sentimental cliches that basically mean, you have to do it a lot for it to be most effective.
The greatest labor of love is to do it, actively, every day. So keep noticing new wonderful things about your lover, your spouse, your friends, your family. Be present with whatever gift they are bringing to your life at this moment, and continue to do that as often as you can.
The change will be profound. You’ll be providing so much more than compliments when you show the people you care about that you see them, see their worth, and appreciate their contributions.
Remember that your attention and appreciation is a beautiful gift. Some people won’t be ready to receive it, because doing so can feel scary or unsafe (I talk about that here). Finding the people who are ready to receive all that you are, right now, is fundamental to healthy, life-giving relationships.
The kind of relationships that you deserve 🙂
From the heart,
Originally appeared on Kathryn Hogan.ca