We bring increasing amounts of intentionality to our health, to our finances, to our career aspirations… but the majority of us are still stunted in how we show up in our relationships.
So the best thing we can do is come to our partnership with the honest question, “How can I love you the best?” And then, after hearing their response, loving them as they have asked (unless you are unable to, in which case you might need to relinquish them to allow them to get their needs met with someone else).
3. How Am I Doing As A Partner Lately?
The last question is often the most difficult for people to ask.
By honestly (and regularly) checking in with your significant other about how you are showing up for them as a partner, you will be inviting the kind of dialogue that would eradicate half of the divorces across the world.
We don’t ask this question because we often don’t want to know the answer. It’s a vulnerable question, with an answer that will likely threaten our egos. It’s easier to assume that we’re doing everything right than to intentionally check-in and see if we could improve in any way.
But here’s the thing… this question isn’t meant to be an exercise in self-shaming. The intention is not to give your partner free rein to cut you to pieces with their words (and, hopefully, you aren’t with someone who would do that, to begin with). This question is an extension of “How can I love you the best?”
If “How can I love you the best?” in a business context is the quarterly plan, then “How am I doing as a partner lately?” is your check-in with your co-worker to see if you’re on track. This isn’t a pass/fail examination. It’s an ever-shifting artful dance between two intentional and loving human beings. The fact that you are even asking this question means that you want to show up, fully engaged in your intimacy.
Even the attempt at having these kinds of conversations is an act of the ultimate love, reserved for the kinds of people who have had the courage to face their own internal demons and to choose love over fear throughout the course of their entire lives.
If you’re entering into a new relationship, start with “What are you looking for in a relationship?”
If you are in an emerging relationship or have been dating for a while, ask your partner “How can I love you the best?”
And finally, once you have a solid understanding of how it is that your partner wants to feel loved, ask them “How am I doing as a partner lately?”
These are the three best questions you could ever ask your partner.
Dedicated to your success,
Written by Jordan Gray Originally appeared in Jordan Gray Consulting
Relationships are not always a bed of roses; you have to take the good with the bad. You need to put in the effort every day. Most importantly, as long as you have all the proper answers to these questions, be rest assured that you will be able to deepen your relationship, and make it a successful one.
If you want to know more about the questions that you should ask to deepen your relationship, check out this video below: