4 Steps To Build A Relationship That You Are Looking For: A Man’s Guide

Steps To Build A Relationship That You Are Looking For

Man has always searched for a mate to share his life with. But finding a mate and keeping one for a lifetime are two different things. While we might get lucky with finding one, keeping them for life is where the challenge lies.

In this article, Carey David talks about 4 steps on how to build a relationship you are looking for. 

Since the beginning of time, man has searched for a partner. There was Eve for Adam, Cleopatra and Julius Caesar, and Juliet for Romeo (that didn’t work out so well!) Oh, how things have changed and stayed the same! I believe that most men want a meaningful relationship but are unsure of how to go about going from the status of single to happily involved with the fairer sex.

I know men. I am one, and for better or worse, we are attracted to shiny things.

Now, you’re not the type of man looking to skim the surface. You’re the kind of man that is looking to drop anchor and enjoy a deep and mutually satisfying relationship. You’re not looking for a one-night stand and want to be more than a +1 for the nice lady at the office who needs an escort for her niece’s wedding.

A word of warning. This is not the Jiffy Pop popcorn approach.

It is not fast, it is not easy, and it will require time and effort on your part. Not to mention using the head above your belt line.

Now, there is nothing wrong with appreciating a woman for her beauty, but if you are content to plant in the sandy soil of lust, real love will never take root.

Read: 6 Secrets For Building A Meaningful Relationship

Let’s take a look at a few steps on how to build that relationship you are looking for.

1. “To Thine Own Self Be True.”

If you haven’t figured it out, how do you expect her to? You don’t have to have all the answers. We are all a work in progress, but you should have some idea who you are, where you are, and where you want to go even if that course changes over time. What happened the last time someone tried to change you? Oh, I thought so.

“Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.” — Mother Theresa

2. Know How You Want And Need To Be Loved.

Since my separation and divorce, I found out a great deal about myself by reading, The 5 Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. I highly recommend reading the book. At least, check out the app to find out what your love language is. Love may be the universal language, but it sure is misunderstood. Once you understand what you need, you can start to observe your intended’s behaviors to understand what love is to them.

Read: 8 Daily Practices That Build a Strong Romantic Relationship

3. Communicate.

I mean really communicate. Honestly. How many times have we received an email or a text and read between the lines, made an assumption, and were completely wrong? I have. Take a chance on upsetting the apple cart and asking the tough questions when you have them but in kindness. Do you want to sweep it under the rug and find out later after you’ve invested so much time in a relationship? Man Up! Find out now. Not everybody fits.

“An open ear is the only believable sign of an open heart.” —David Augsburger 

4. Friends First.

We’ve all heard it. Sounds like a plan but few of us have made enough deposits in a relationship to warrant a withdrawal. I’ve been guilty of this myself. We’re too busy trying to run from the first date to the altar. Remember–shiny things–Jiffy Pop? Yeah, I thought you might. This does not happen overnight.

Take your time. It’s on your side. I’ve had a few women where I had romance in my mind, and they didn’t, and through the process of open and honest communication, we have remained good friends.

Showing your true self and going that extra mile to show your love and affection for her will not make you any less of a man. Rather, you are going to have a happy partner and an extremely fulfilling relationship, and last but not least, a stronger relationship.

Building a strong relationship from the ground up can be challenging, but the results will be worth it. You will be happy, your partner will be happy and both of you will be able to enjoy a stable and fulfilling relationship.

Do these things; know who you are, know how you want to be loved, communicate openly and honestly, and build a friendship first. There are no guarantees but the regrets we have in life are not usually for the things we did try, but for those things we did not. Babe Ruth was not only the home run king but the strikeout kings as well. Who knows? When it comes to love, this could be your–Game, Set, Match!

Written by Carey David
Originally appeared in The Goodmen Project